Labido

[sunseeker]

My wife has always had a low sex drive (she's 38).  I've seen or read about all of the "Snake Oils" (creams, oils, lotions, pills). But I'm sure they're just scams.  The latest is on TV called Zestra....heard of it?  tried it?

I'm wondering if any of you ladies out there have experienced a low labido and do you have any insite on what can be done to turn up the flame. My wife thinks sex twice a month is normal. But I disagree.  For me, I want it twice a week....or more.

Where's the female Viagra?

[AnnieBrooke]

It's kind of funny, but there is some clinical discussion of whether women can take Viagra.  But the thing about is, Viagra simply helps keep things, uuuuh, "firm" once the idea and the inclination are already in the person's head.  So Viagra is not what you need here.

You might just be two people with differences in how much sex is enough.  I hope that isn't it, because it is not a recipe for marital satisfaction.  But here are some other possibilities:

One reason some ladies don't like to have sex a lot is that they are expected to do a whale of a lot -- their job, the housework, the meals, the kids -- and they are exhausted.  Being totally beat and feeling like the division of labor just ain't too fair does put a damper on things in the libido department, and being greeted by a heated-up guy after an exhausting 15-hour day of pretty thankless work is no fun.  You could start taking on more things at home that seem to get dumped on her, and I mean the scutwork, not just the easy stuff.  If you think she won't notice, think again.

You could also do more of the stuff that increases just relaxedness and tenderness for her.  Backrubs, foot rubs, etc.  This doesn't work the same day; it's not "tit for tat" so to speak, but if you have a backload of undemanding physical contact (not connected to some kind of expectant attitude on your part) she may feel genuinely more turned on by you.  Words of love and appreciation that you really mean are part of this too.

Shooing the kids off to the grandparents for the weekend and going away might also help take the load off.  There is NOTHING more boring for sex than to be lying in your bedroom and looking at the wall and thinking "gee, I've got to get that darn broken light fixture replaced."  Get out of the same old place if you can.  Then take the advice above, don't just go with the expectation of hopping in the sack upon arrival; that is a turn-off.  But good sex comes from good contact between the two of you -- walk around, see the sights, have fun, rest, take a nice bath together.  You never know!

Finally, ask her about her day and what is going on, and listen and respond.  A little sympathetic interest into our own boring little affairs is one of the sweetest turn-ons of all.  Be the one who gives her that, and she'll find she thinks you are pretty darn hot.

Good luck!

Annie

[anamri]

Has she had her hormone levels checked?  Low testosterone could be the culprit.

[Jolene T]

*gulp* yeah umm well I agree with you Anne - alot of things you have said anyway.  My workload is heavy enough, and when my partner comes home and expects me to be "all ready" im like ..pffft Im tired and am going to have an early night thanks.  The last thing I feel like doing is having sex.  Now making love is a different thing all together.....but does HE understand the meaning of the words?  I think he thinks its ok to just have sex, but to me there is ALOT more to it than that - for my own self worth/value.  I need to feel loved to have sex and he needs to have sex to feel loved?  sad but true.  What a freaking mix up, and does he try to understand ANY of what Im saying?  hmmmm

[penny181]

want the name of something to lower labido that isn"t a antidepresent

[neverenough26]

Hey man... it's life and they're holding the cards.  Join the rest of the husbands who are tired of rubbing wives feet and saying nice things 'hoping' you'll get some.  Just rub one off in the bathroom.... much easier.

[Geari]

go get you some "spanish fly" you will have her going all night my boyfriend suggested it we have some on hand at our house it works trust me !!!!!