I have been married for two years now. I've still not had sex. My husband is a very nice man and he doesnt want to impose anything on me. So all these two years we've just been mutually masturbating.
Whenever I plan about having sex and when night approaches I start to push it off for another day saying that I'm too tired or that I'm in no mood for it. Most of the times I feel wrong for not satisfying my husband.
I'm actually scared of having sex thinking that it'll be painful. I'm also still too shy of showing off my lower end to my husband. I think I still dont know how to have sex. I'm scared that if I'll ever have babies.
I only wish if someone could give me any helpful tips and advice. I'm very disappointed with myself. Both of us love each other very much.
Thanks to anyone who might want to help.
Your husband is either the most understanding and loving caring man in the world or he has to be getting it from somewhere else there for is his reason for not minding. I hope the first part is the reality.
But really what you are doing is not fair to either of you, sex with your partner is one of the most wonderful things. And you are truly missng out.
Best of luck to you
I posted too early and left this part off - Sorry -
How do you make it easier?...... Plan a honeymoon night. Wear something that you feel sexy in. Have a galss of wine (or 2). Turn off the lights. Light some candles. Every body looks good in candle light. Take it SLOW.
He sounds like a loving, patient (VERY PATIENT) husband. He will make it easy for you.
You must have an incredibly understanding husband! I' don't know that I can give you much advice, but first would be try to relax. It can be a little painful, but it's not extreme. (We would have a much smaller population if it hurt that bad! LOL) If you're really worried about the pain then use a lubricant to make it easier. Also, try to focus on what's positive about having sex with your partner: It's one more way to share and express your love for each other. If you're concerned about how your body looks, try to let that go. Your husband does not care about that nearly as much as you do.
I too was a virgin when I got married. my husband was not so I was scared too. I was afraid that I would not look good to him. I was afraid that it would hurt too much. I was afraid that I would not know how to do it right. I was afraid I would get pregnant even though we were using protection.
Well- here is how it really was.
I DID look good to him. I was 5'8" and weighed 130lbs with size 34D boobs - I was naked. Sure I looked good. All of my worries were in vain. Remember, he chose to marry YOU!!!
I DID NOT hurt. He was kind and slow. And stopped when I asked him to. It took 2-3 nights until it felt perfect, but it did not hurt.
As far as knowing what to do, what is there to know? The first time you just take it slow. You are on the bottom and he does most of it. You will learn to get good at it as you two grow closer together and communicate about it.
AS far as getting pregnant....Well, I did get pregnant LOL, Emma was born 8 1/2 months after our wedding night and I would not give her back for anything. She is the most precious gift from God!
Now, about your duty (sorry for the harsh word) to your husband. As a Christian I look to the Bible for guidance. It talks about sex within a marriage as a way to keep you both faithful to eachother. It is a way to keep your husband from cheating. It is a hedge arround you marraige. What a true concept - a man's desire to have sex is very strong. Being in bed with a woman every night and seeing her get dressed and knowing that that woman is his wife probably turns him on. Don't give him a reason to go outside the marriage for it.
your hubby is VERU understanding. I waited and it was unconfortable.. but lubricant is better. Keep the lights off if you feel unconfortable about your body. Your hubby will be gentle. Think of it as a gift for him and it is the only thing that you can give him that you can NEVER give anyone else. relax take deep breaths do NOT tense up. Take deep breaths.. also really get into fore play to the point where that all you want is to make love. I wish you luck.. We have been married 8 years and the 1st time was awkward... but now it is wonderful. Not only does it feel GREAT physically but emotionally too.
Best of luck and keep us posted
ps: maybe he can help you my manually masturbating you it will help loosen things up a little before penile insertion.
Ok first of all, try to relax. Second of all you are married! If he did not love you he would not be with you at all, ecspecially if you have not had sex with him and it has been 2 years. So, showing him your body will not make him leave, it will only make it better.
My advice (I have been married 11 years and have 3 girls) one night when you feel up to it, go in the bathroom and get all showered and shaved up, put on some perfume and no clothes, just your robe. Dim the lights (if you don't have a dimmer switch, use candles) and come out with him already in the bed. Drop your robe. Don't think about it just drop it and let him see. You can keep doing this each time with a little more light and eventually you will get over this phobia. Heck, after 11 years me and hubby can run around the house naked and it would not bother us (of course with the kids not around LOL!)
For the sex part, I recommend some good lubricant and a total relaxation. He knows you are scared so if he loves you he will go slow. And trust me after the first couple times, you want be scared anymore, you will be begging!
Making love between two married people that are in love is beautiful and it will bring you closer together each time you do it.
Thanks very much for those suggestions. They indeed have boosted up my confidence and made me feel happy. I'm gonna make use of what you folks have said after I get over with my periods. Wud keep you posted on how I fare!
Amfr - I was married young and had a rather brutal first husband. I waited 12 almost 13 years to get married again. I was abstinent all those years and was terrified about sex with my new husband. I loved him, and wanted him, but even though he was gentle, patient and loving I was the one scared. On our wedding night he gave me the greatest gift imaginable. He was patient, gentle and sweet. Your husband is also obviously VERY patient. Give him and yourself a chance.
I have a sister that has felt the same way about sex. We went to a party for ladies where we live and the lady doing the party told us about this book that she sales.It is called "And They Were Noth Ashamed Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" By Laura M. Brotherson
I have read most of it and it is a great book. It has helped my sister's marriage greatly. She thought what they were doing was dirty. The lady doing that party always starts out by saying "What you do in your bedroom is your business and there is nothing wrong with what you are doing!"
This is interesting. I almost admire that you have been able to not have sex for this long, but once you do enbark upon it, you will become even closer to your husband. As far as it hurting, if you already masterbate, chances are there is not going to be much pain. I had masterbated prior to my first sexual experience, and it was quite pleasant on my end, it helped that the guy was gentle. Your husband will no doubt try to make it comfortable for you, and you will be fine. Good luck!
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