Aa
Need some help
Please don't think I am a troll or little kid, I really need kind advise on what to do.
I have a 4 1/2 week old and know that I am having some PPD but my life seems to be unraveling. My boyfriend and I live together and he has cheated on my before( at the begining of our relationship 7 years ago) I have suspected him of doing so other times but have no "real" proof and he denies it. Last night we tlked I mean really talk and he answered ALL questions that I had.. why and what happened,ect. Hearing these things hurt real bad but it was the first night that I actually let him touch me in weeks. The thing is what should I do, can people change In other friends relationships HE always says "Once a cheater always a cheater" but swears on the life of our baby that he has done nothing sense that one time, but I do not trust him and do acuse him all the time. This pushes his buttons and he has pushed and hit me before, he admitts on having anger problems and saya that he will get help, but we don't have money for conseling and we are aware that we need relationship conseling but same goes for that. My thing is that I don't know if I will be able to trust him and will he be able to get over his anger problems, the last thing that I want to happen is stay with him and him hit my son (we actually planned the pregnancy it was not a suprise). I know this is jibberish but I need some advise and hopefully some storied of things actualy working out in a realationship such as this.I did tell him it was over and took him to work,he called his Mom to pick him up and to say with her.
I have a 4 1/2 week old and know that I am having some PPD but my life seems to be unraveling. My boyfriend and I live together and he has cheated on my before( at the begining of our relationship 7 years ago) I have suspected him of doing so other times but have no "real" proof and he denies it. Last night we tlked I mean really talk and he answered ALL questions that I had.. why and what happened,ect. Hearing these things hurt real bad but it was the first night that I actually let him touch me in weeks. The thing is what should I do, can people change In other friends relationships HE always says "Once a cheater always a cheater" but swears on the life of our baby that he has done nothing sense that one time, but I do not trust him and do acuse him all the time. This pushes his buttons and he has pushed and hit me before, he admitts on having anger problems and saya that he will get help, but we don't have money for conseling and we are aware that we need relationship conseling but same goes for that. My thing is that I don't know if I will be able to trust him and will he be able to get over his anger problems, the last thing that I want to happen is stay with him and him hit my son (we actually planned the pregnancy it was not a suprise). I know this is jibberish but I need some advise and hopefully some storied of things actualy working out in a realationship such as this.I did tell him it was over and took him to work,he called his Mom to pick him up and to say with her.
Okay--I can't recall ever being as enraged by a post as I was yours. The ladies on this forum are people that I consider "friends"...all of the ladies. Now, as in all the relationships in my life, I don't always agree with what everyone says all the time, but if they ask my opinion, I will give it. And remind me please...isn't that what this forum is for? If you read the top of this screen, it says,"This form is for patient-to-patient COMMENTS only...." so, pardon me if I believe that our COMMENTS are requested everytime someone makes a post.
As far as your post, while I greatly value each persons' opinion, I don't necessarily enjoy being called "you people"... and I don't enjoy my friends being called such, either.
(Now, super-women, that's a different story entirely, because I believe most of the women on here have earned that title completely..)
Let me address one of your quotes..."You have to change yourself first if you're hoping for change in someone else." While I think I understand your motive behind this comment, I would like to say that after reading, and re-reading all the posts, we don't want mejoje "changing" herself, while her DB is beating the **** out of her. She can do all the changing she wants, and if he wants to hit her, he will find a reason. People who have anger issues don't just have one or two "buttons"...everything has the potential to be a button.
And finally, the phrase "pack of wolves", although in some aspects does give one the sense of ferocity and incredible meanness...I'm going to turn it around on you. If I'm ever in an abusive situation, I would wish a thousand wishes that I'd have the ladies on this site to surround me, in a circle (can you get the visual, micrazi????)bare their teeth, snarl and growl....to protect me, because I am one of their own. You know what, micrazi? We'd even do that for you!
So, let me wrap up by saying that no one thinks that "church" fixes anything. (I can't find where anyone said that). Instead, we offered her solutions, advice, support and counsel.
But, micrazi, thanks for this one thing....you've given me a new name for us....THE WOLVERINES-----wanna join?
MH
As far as your post, while I greatly value each persons' opinion, I don't necessarily enjoy being called "you people"... and I don't enjoy my friends being called such, either.
(Now, super-women, that's a different story entirely, because I believe most of the women on here have earned that title completely..)
Let me address one of your quotes..."You have to change yourself first if you're hoping for change in someone else." While I think I understand your motive behind this comment, I would like to say that after reading, and re-reading all the posts, we don't want mejoje "changing" herself, while her DB is beating the **** out of her. She can do all the changing she wants, and if he wants to hit her, he will find a reason. People who have anger issues don't just have one or two "buttons"...everything has the potential to be a button.
And finally, the phrase "pack of wolves", although in some aspects does give one the sense of ferocity and incredible meanness...I'm going to turn it around on you. If I'm ever in an abusive situation, I would wish a thousand wishes that I'd have the ladies on this site to surround me, in a circle (can you get the visual, micrazi????)bare their teeth, snarl and growl....to protect me, because I am one of their own. You know what, micrazi? We'd even do that for you!
So, let me wrap up by saying that no one thinks that "church" fixes anything. (I can't find where anyone said that). Instead, we offered her solutions, advice, support and counsel.
But, micrazi, thanks for this one thing....you've given me a new name for us....THE WOLVERINES-----wanna join?
MH
Jenni - thank you for commenting. I know you have a lot of experience with this subject and your advice is great.
Mejoje - The more you vent out, the better you will feel. I get the sense that you've been harboring all this emotion for quite some time now and it's good to finally release it to someone, anyone. I completely understand the whole "lower self-image" because of what having a baby has done to your body. I'm feeling it too, I'm almost 19 weeks preg. and I've gained way too much weight for one baby (in my opinion). I used to be so athletic and firm, and now, there's not much I can do about my big boobs and low self-esteem which has affected our sex life as well. I've had nightmares that my DH cheats on me with a mysterious woman and I have to take the kids and leave him, which would be the hardest thing for me to do since my DH is my best-friend as well. I realize now that my image of myself is manifesting itself in my dreams and I fear my DH might abandon me because of the way I look, which is absurd. It is hard to not be jealous when your boyfriend works around other women, it's always a touchy subject. And yes, I do think it is suspicious that you found a phone number in his wallet of the same woman who you think he might be cheating with, he's got to see that. I do agree with Jenni that maybe there are other ways to ease your mind, whether it be randomly show up where you know he's supposed to be for some reason or another or whatever. But apparantly the whole accusations aren't working for him, so it might be good to try this other approach. Also, yes every man need to be "released" as I call it every now and then. In my situation, our sex life has dramatically decreased since I got pregnant and I realize this might be hard on him. So, every now and then, I might do a little oral stimulation on him since I don't feel sexy enough right now to be doing the deed. But that way, he gets what he needs and I have peace of mind about it, it might be a partial solution for you and your boyfriend. I dated a guy that was addicted to porn and it tore us apart. We were high school sweethearts and were saving ourselves until marriage, but when he started college and got his own place, his computer became his portal to internet porn and he was very bad about concealing it from me. It eventually broke us up, but it ended up being for the best.
It sounds like there are alot of self-image issues with you (which believe me I understand right now), and that is something you personally need to work on. I know it would be hard to do right now after having the baby, but you might join a gym and start a work-out regimine. Excercise can boost your hormone level back up and make you have more self-esteem, which might help you come to terms with the most likely reality that he's not cheating. If you feel good about your body, he will draw closer to you. Good self-esteem can be a real turn on and a big downer if you have a bad one. Just a couple of thoughts to help, but please let more out if you need to. We're all here to help you in any way you need us to.
Anna
Mejoje - The more you vent out, the better you will feel. I get the sense that you've been harboring all this emotion for quite some time now and it's good to finally release it to someone, anyone. I completely understand the whole "lower self-image" because of what having a baby has done to your body. I'm feeling it too, I'm almost 19 weeks preg. and I've gained way too much weight for one baby (in my opinion). I used to be so athletic and firm, and now, there's not much I can do about my big boobs and low self-esteem which has affected our sex life as well. I've had nightmares that my DH cheats on me with a mysterious woman and I have to take the kids and leave him, which would be the hardest thing for me to do since my DH is my best-friend as well. I realize now that my image of myself is manifesting itself in my dreams and I fear my DH might abandon me because of the way I look, which is absurd. It is hard to not be jealous when your boyfriend works around other women, it's always a touchy subject. And yes, I do think it is suspicious that you found a phone number in his wallet of the same woman who you think he might be cheating with, he's got to see that. I do agree with Jenni that maybe there are other ways to ease your mind, whether it be randomly show up where you know he's supposed to be for some reason or another or whatever. But apparantly the whole accusations aren't working for him, so it might be good to try this other approach. Also, yes every man need to be "released" as I call it every now and then. In my situation, our sex life has dramatically decreased since I got pregnant and I realize this might be hard on him. So, every now and then, I might do a little oral stimulation on him since I don't feel sexy enough right now to be doing the deed. But that way, he gets what he needs and I have peace of mind about it, it might be a partial solution for you and your boyfriend. I dated a guy that was addicted to porn and it tore us apart. We were high school sweethearts and were saving ourselves until marriage, but when he started college and got his own place, his computer became his portal to internet porn and he was very bad about concealing it from me. It eventually broke us up, but it ended up being for the best.
It sounds like there are alot of self-image issues with you (which believe me I understand right now), and that is something you personally need to work on. I know it would be hard to do right now after having the baby, but you might join a gym and start a work-out regimine. Excercise can boost your hormone level back up and make you have more self-esteem, which might help you come to terms with the most likely reality that he's not cheating. If you feel good about your body, he will draw closer to you. Good self-esteem can be a real turn on and a big downer if you have a bad one. Just a couple of thoughts to help, but please let more out if you need to. We're all here to help you in any way you need us to.
Anna
He cheated on you 7 years ago... Thats a long time. I totally understand that you feel that he is doing it again, because sometimes things arnt right, or you feel that he's up to something, sneeking behind your back, etc. It's instinct. TRUST ME I think the same thing. But keep one thing in mind, you just had a baby, and you could be very self consious right now because your body has changed alot since you've met. I wouldnt go accusing him, because it starts nasty fights, and things happen that you dont want to happen. It's better to discover on your own, and catch him red handed. Come home early one day from work, stop by his work to 'bring him lunch', if he says he's going to the store, show up a little later and say your phone died and you really needed some yogurt or something...
Accusations are never good for either side. It dosnt solve anything, and it dosnt get anyone to talk, or 'confess'.
As for him hitting you... It's kind of a tough thing for me to give advice to you for.. I'm in an abusive relationship. Things are a heck of alot better now than before I got pregnant. (22 weeks). You broke things off, that's a start, but you know that there will ALWAYS be ties with the two of you, and it's extreamly hard to cut the feelings. You have the sole right to protect yourself and your baby by any means, and you know what is best for your life. Sometimes guys deserve chances.... They're idiots and always screw up.. But deep down they do have hearts. From my experiences and speaking with other women, I've realized that most relationships out there HAVE gottn violent.. When it's reoccuring over and over, and/or alcohol is involved, it's a one way road, someone needs help... But when verbal fights escallate, sometimes the women throws a blow, sometimes its the man. It may happen once in the relationship, it may happen a few times. I'm not the one to tell you to 'get out now' or to judge you. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME... It's very rare that you find a *perfect* relationship. Fights just dont involve one person..... Just about everyone on this planet has an anger issue in one way or another. Everyone has a button, sometimes 10.. and most relationships DO NEED counseling. We're only human, we all cant solve our differences, and get over grudges.
My advice might not be all that great, but it's the best that I can do. I understand where you're coming from, and I get the picture.
If you dont get back togather, then you've solved your problem... But if you decide to get back togather, then shedding out that extra $$ for a counselor is necessary. Participation is a must on both sides... Relationships take two people, each giving their 100%. It cant be a 50/50 deal.
Babies are a hard thing to have around a rocky realtionship... he may be 5 1/2 weeks, but they grow fast, and soon he will start remembering things....
Hope you figure out what you're going to do.. And I'm trying to do the same.
Wishing us luck,
Jen
Accusations are never good for either side. It dosnt solve anything, and it dosnt get anyone to talk, or 'confess'.
As for him hitting you... It's kind of a tough thing for me to give advice to you for.. I'm in an abusive relationship. Things are a heck of alot better now than before I got pregnant. (22 weeks). You broke things off, that's a start, but you know that there will ALWAYS be ties with the two of you, and it's extreamly hard to cut the feelings. You have the sole right to protect yourself and your baby by any means, and you know what is best for your life. Sometimes guys deserve chances.... They're idiots and always screw up.. But deep down they do have hearts. From my experiences and speaking with other women, I've realized that most relationships out there HAVE gottn violent.. When it's reoccuring over and over, and/or alcohol is involved, it's a one way road, someone needs help... But when verbal fights escallate, sometimes the women throws a blow, sometimes its the man. It may happen once in the relationship, it may happen a few times. I'm not the one to tell you to 'get out now' or to judge you. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME... It's very rare that you find a *perfect* relationship. Fights just dont involve one person..... Just about everyone on this planet has an anger issue in one way or another. Everyone has a button, sometimes 10.. and most relationships DO NEED counseling. We're only human, we all cant solve our differences, and get over grudges.
My advice might not be all that great, but it's the best that I can do. I understand where you're coming from, and I get the picture.
If you dont get back togather, then you've solved your problem... But if you decide to get back togather, then shedding out that extra $$ for a counselor is necessary. Participation is a must on both sides... Relationships take two people, each giving their 100%. It cant be a 50/50 deal.
Babies are a hard thing to have around a rocky realtionship... he may be 5 1/2 weeks, but they grow fast, and soon he will start remembering things....
Hope you figure out what you're going to do.. And I'm trying to do the same.
Wishing us luck,
Jen
Thank you so much for your words. I needed to hear that someone has changed. I know that I need to, I know before the words leave my mouth that they will get under his skin a little thinking about it I guess that I want to hurt him the way the he hurts me. Like I said, I cann't get the thoughts out of my head and everything makes me think of the person I think that he is cheating with at the time. He is a very outgoing and flirty person, I know this and do like it but I am shy, but knowing this even him going to work I think he is doing something there. I have (in the past few days) told him why I feel the way I do.. I am not perfect and have wierd beliefs but I do not think men should be friends with women and women with men, not good talk on the phone go out to eat with friends I have thought this ever sense I was a little girl. I also feel that flirting is not harmless it is only to lead to other things. He said that he never realized he flirted so much and it is harmless just the way he is, but I don't know because I do not know how to flirt I am me all the time with everyone.
Anyway thank you so much for giving me hope that it has worked out for someone else. We have already talked that it may not work out for us that it may be too late, but hopefully if we BOTH accept our faults and get help it really may be O.K. Thank you.
Anyway thank you so much for giving me hope that it has worked out for someone else. We have already talked that it may not work out for us that it may be too late, but hopefully if we BOTH accept our faults and get help it really may be O.K. Thank you.
Ok, this is good for you. You are harboring all this resentment inside and because you don't like to talk about your personal life with other people, it has buried itself in the back of your head and it is forcing itself to come out now. That's what happens when we bottle our emotions, they end up exploding at the most improper times and now they're causing problems in your relationship. I am encouraging you to tell more to the story, it's the only way to release this burden you have.
Let me tell you my story, because it is very similiar to yours. My husband and I were both in previous long-term relationships before we got together. I was actually engaged and he had been with his ex for 5 years. Well, we were just friends for approx 6 months and my ex-fiance and I called it off and (coincidentally) he and his ex called it off at the same time. We began dating eachother and during the first week, he ended up sleeping with her one more time. Granted, we weren't as serious at that time as we are now, but I knew I loved him and it hurt like hell when he did it. All I could think about was him touching her, kissing her, and it made me literally sick to my stomach. I ended up losing 30 lbs in a month because of it because I couldn't eat it hurt so bad. (And you know what, it's never that they cheat with a pretty girl, it's always the skanky girl next door. I think women would be more understanding if they cheated with a supermodel girl, but that's never the case. You'd be able to say, "Yeah, she's hot. I guess I can understand that a little better." But it's always the lower standard that gets chosen, so it's hard to comprehend "why do you want hamburgers when you've got steak and lobster at home...?") But, just like you're doing now, we had to talk it through and find out why he did it and how can I come to terms with it. Let me tell you, you don't ever forget what happened and how much it hurt at the time. The memory may fade a bit, but it's still there (it's been almost 5 years since this happened to my DH and I, but that memory is still there). But, time will heal this wound as long as you work on your ability to forgive which I think will only come with therapy. If this was a new relationship, then you might be able to do it on your own. But you've been with your boyfriend for a long time with a baby in the mix, so I can only see professional help for this one. Sorry so long, but I do hope you vent some more to us, it can only help you sort through your emotional and help the healing process.
Anna
Let me tell you my story, because it is very similiar to yours. My husband and I were both in previous long-term relationships before we got together. I was actually engaged and he had been with his ex for 5 years. Well, we were just friends for approx 6 months and my ex-fiance and I called it off and (coincidentally) he and his ex called it off at the same time. We began dating eachother and during the first week, he ended up sleeping with her one more time. Granted, we weren't as serious at that time as we are now, but I knew I loved him and it hurt like hell when he did it. All I could think about was him touching her, kissing her, and it made me literally sick to my stomach. I ended up losing 30 lbs in a month because of it because I couldn't eat it hurt so bad. (And you know what, it's never that they cheat with a pretty girl, it's always the skanky girl next door. I think women would be more understanding if they cheated with a supermodel girl, but that's never the case. You'd be able to say, "Yeah, she's hot. I guess I can understand that a little better." But it's always the lower standard that gets chosen, so it's hard to comprehend "why do you want hamburgers when you've got steak and lobster at home...?") But, just like you're doing now, we had to talk it through and find out why he did it and how can I come to terms with it. Let me tell you, you don't ever forget what happened and how much it hurt at the time. The memory may fade a bit, but it's still there (it's been almost 5 years since this happened to my DH and I, but that memory is still there). But, time will heal this wound as long as you work on your ability to forgive which I think will only come with therapy. If this was a new relationship, then you might be able to do it on your own. But you've been with your boyfriend for a long time with a baby in the mix, so I can only see professional help for this one. Sorry so long, but I do hope you vent some more to us, it can only help you sort through your emotional and help the healing process.
Anna
Thank you for insuring me that he really may not be cheating and that just because he did one time that he may not agian. That is what he said, when I asked why he did it in the first place he siad he didn't know it just happened it was something different and exciting that he may get caught (we lived in a duplex with my best frind her girl friend and a roomate we lived on the bottom apt. and they lived in the top and he cheated with the roomate) It only happened a few times and the girl friend knew and actually egged him on. God this is hard to tell, I am actually shaking. Anyway he said that they kissed and it moved from there but he doesn't know why he kissed her it just happened and things moved from there. But my thing is if it just "happened" how can he prevent it form happening again he said that he has never put himself in that position agian and never would, but how do I know that? With him flirting with everyone, how do I know that one thing wont lead to another? My trust wasn't broken only from the fact of the cheating but he wasn't working at the time so when I left for work he would go up stairs and have sex ( and she wasn't even cute!) and that is why I really believe that I think he is doing it all the time, everytime I am not a round I think he is up to no good and talking with someone or doing something. How do I get passed the thought of them together? Like I said sometimes it is better and I don't think of that one but then it comes back and hits me like bricks because the wounds just scabed over and never healed. He did tell me everything that happened and the worsed he did to her (not that everything is horrable for me) but him kissing her breaks my heart, I told him this also, but aren't all of his kisses supposed to be mine? And he stole some from me to give to her, I just found asked him if they did kiss the other night and just cann't get it out of my head.
Anyway thank you for giving me the hope that he has changed in the past 7 years and I do understand that I need help before I push him away too far or give him a reason to go ahead (if he is getting accused of it why doesn't he go ahead and do it, he is getting in trouble anyway). Thank you again
Anyway thank you for giving me the hope that he has changed in the past 7 years and I do understand that I need help before I push him away too far or give him a reason to go ahead (if he is getting accused of it why doesn't he go ahead and do it, he is getting in trouble anyway). Thank you again
I am starting to feel a little better, thank you so much for putting up with me.
I have been in other realationships but I never had sex with anyone else. I knew this was going to be a long realationship and we waited 6 months before anythng ever happened sexually and we dated 1 month before we kissed and he asked if he could first. So, when this happened it was a big blow because he knew how I felt about sex - it's not something that can be physical for me, I needed to be in love before I could let myself go. He on the other hand is a guy and has other fellings on the subject. I know now that I have been pushing him away but it seems as though he doesn't even look at me. He says that he does and I am the only person he wants but I see something else. After last pregnancy I gained weight and hate the way I look and hate him looking at me, doesn't he see what I see? This pg I actually lost wieght and a week after giving birth was down 30 pounds prepregancny wieght. Because of pregnancy and losing the weight my breasts are different and saggier and I am VERY concous of it and he doesn't say anything about it. Sense it is 5 weeks post pg we still cann't have sex and during pg he said that because of what hapened last year he was afriad of having sex this time, anyway sense we concieved we have had sex a handful of times. Not that bad or unusual I know but he goes on the net and does his thing and it hurts, I see those girls- perfect and I see myself in the mirror - PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON! I know NOW that because I have been a little hard on him but we used to do other things together allso not just "baby making sex" and to me it seems as though he doesn't want me to touch him. Then those other cheating thoughts come to me and if he is not getting it from me he has to be going somewhere else. He says the only other person he has sex with is his right hand but with the flirting and no attention towards me I get jealous. I told him this morning that he is my best friend - he knows everything about me everything I know about other ect. and lately it seems as though I am not his, he has to go to someone else for that and I am jealous. I am not saying that he can not have friends but I talk to him about us and he talks to his friends. He worked at the hospital with me for a short time and anytime we faught or anything happened in our lives he would tell some of the girls and guys at work, I found this out becuase after he quit they would come and ask me how this or that were going. So he started a new position and his immidiate suporvisor is a 36 year old female that just quit last week because of some things that were going on and the fact that the company did not think her buisness dress was appropiate. When I asked him what he meant he said that she wore tight fitting clothing that the main manager didn't like. He said that people said it was because they think the manager was jealsous that she couldn't wear that type of clothing. The Sup. was the one I thought he was messing with and we were talking of getting rid of our one cat and never really came up with an answer and he comes home saying that she will take the cat (it's a siemese). I said that I didn't even know if I was going to get rid of him and thought that that was that. What started this whole thing off was that I wwent into his wallet to get my insurance card out (there sense the hospital) and found a little peice of paper with a phone number in female penmanship. He has a place for numbers and this was some other place but when I asked whose it was he answered and said it was if we gave the cat up so he could call her and then she quit. My mind goes into over time and convinced myself that he was lying and had the number so he could call when they were not working(the only time I was not home anymore or out with him is on Sundays when I go to church) I think that I am over reacting and let my immagination go wild but I really don't know. He swears nothing happened or will happen but that goes a long with the trust issues.
Thank you all for you personal imputs, it gives me hope that things may work out. I do believe that we at least need to try because of the baby and I always say that everything happens for a reason so maybe a harmless phone number will lead to us having a better and fixed relationship.
I have been in other realationships but I never had sex with anyone else. I knew this was going to be a long realationship and we waited 6 months before anythng ever happened sexually and we dated 1 month before we kissed and he asked if he could first. So, when this happened it was a big blow because he knew how I felt about sex - it's not something that can be physical for me, I needed to be in love before I could let myself go. He on the other hand is a guy and has other fellings on the subject. I know now that I have been pushing him away but it seems as though he doesn't even look at me. He says that he does and I am the only person he wants but I see something else. After last pregnancy I gained weight and hate the way I look and hate him looking at me, doesn't he see what I see? This pg I actually lost wieght and a week after giving birth was down 30 pounds prepregancny wieght. Because of pregnancy and losing the weight my breasts are different and saggier and I am VERY concous of it and he doesn't say anything about it. Sense it is 5 weeks post pg we still cann't have sex and during pg he said that because of what hapened last year he was afriad of having sex this time, anyway sense we concieved we have had sex a handful of times. Not that bad or unusual I know but he goes on the net and does his thing and it hurts, I see those girls- perfect and I see myself in the mirror - PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON! I know NOW that because I have been a little hard on him but we used to do other things together allso not just "baby making sex" and to me it seems as though he doesn't want me to touch him. Then those other cheating thoughts come to me and if he is not getting it from me he has to be going somewhere else. He says the only other person he has sex with is his right hand but with the flirting and no attention towards me I get jealous. I told him this morning that he is my best friend - he knows everything about me everything I know about other ect. and lately it seems as though I am not his, he has to go to someone else for that and I am jealous. I am not saying that he can not have friends but I talk to him about us and he talks to his friends. He worked at the hospital with me for a short time and anytime we faught or anything happened in our lives he would tell some of the girls and guys at work, I found this out becuase after he quit they would come and ask me how this or that were going. So he started a new position and his immidiate suporvisor is a 36 year old female that just quit last week because of some things that were going on and the fact that the company did not think her buisness dress was appropiate. When I asked him what he meant he said that she wore tight fitting clothing that the main manager didn't like. He said that people said it was because they think the manager was jealsous that she couldn't wear that type of clothing. The Sup. was the one I thought he was messing with and we were talking of getting rid of our one cat and never really came up with an answer and he comes home saying that she will take the cat (it's a siemese). I said that I didn't even know if I was going to get rid of him and thought that that was that. What started this whole thing off was that I wwent into his wallet to get my insurance card out (there sense the hospital) and found a little peice of paper with a phone number in female penmanship. He has a place for numbers and this was some other place but when I asked whose it was he answered and said it was if we gave the cat up so he could call her and then she quit. My mind goes into over time and convinced myself that he was lying and had the number so he could call when they were not working(the only time I was not home anymore or out with him is on Sundays when I go to church) I think that I am over reacting and let my immagination go wild but I really don't know. He swears nothing happened or will happen but that goes a long with the trust issues.
Thank you all for you personal imputs, it gives me hope that things may work out. I do believe that we at least need to try because of the baby and I always say that everything happens for a reason so maybe a harmless phone number will lead to us having a better and fixed relationship.
mejoje - Your guys sounds like a good man. It just sounds like he's had a rough childhood and it is slowly coming out now. This is definately something for couple's therapy, whether it's through the church or state department or whatever, I am happy you have both decided to go through with it. Your mind is in the right place caring for your baby, you're a good mommy. There is something deep inside you that is keeping you from trusting your boyfriend again. Reality of it is, he's probably not cheating, but the more you act this way, the more likely he will be to pull away from you (and inadvertantly the baby as well). I urge you and your boyfriend to follow through with the therapy, I think it help you vocalize the feelings you have deep inside you and he as well. I am proud of you and him, admitting there is a problem is the first step and you two have already overcome it.
micrazi - Ok, so now she has said she's never laid a finger on her boyfriend. We didn't even have to ask it. If you would read my posts earlier, I never personally attack her or her boyfriend. And I also said I don't believe "Once a cheater always a cheater" and I said "I do believe if he wants help, then he can change." This is all about encouraging this couple to seek help, and if you read any of my posts, that's exactly what I said everytime. Don't get so offended just because people happen to disagree with what you post. That's what this forum is for, different people's opinions. If you weren't including me in that last post, specify who the comment was to because none of it pertains to me.
micrazi - Ok, so now she has said she's never laid a finger on her boyfriend. We didn't even have to ask it. If you would read my posts earlier, I never personally attack her or her boyfriend. And I also said I don't believe "Once a cheater always a cheater" and I said "I do believe if he wants help, then he can change." This is all about encouraging this couple to seek help, and if you read any of my posts, that's exactly what I said everytime. Don't get so offended just because people happen to disagree with what you post. That's what this forum is for, different people's opinions. If you weren't including me in that last post, specify who the comment was to because none of it pertains to me.
Thank you all for your support. I would not stop saying what I think for anyone that's not even a worry. He did say that he will start going to church with me and after Sunday's mass we are going to go talk with the priest to see about counseling.
Please don't think that I am justifying what he did, I am not because I have gotten ON MY GOSH I HATE YOU mad at him and never touched him so I know that it is possable, but when I say that I obsess over thinking he is cheating I really mean it. That is all that is in my head! I have tried to get him to see it and I think that he is starting to. I looked up stuff on the net and made a little segment for him to read about why I act the way I do and why I feel the way I do and it seemed to have helped a little. He said that he never realized why I just couldn't get over it now he sees that it wasn't just that he had sex with someone it was much more. But I still can't help thinking that he is doing something, i.e. last yesterday it snowed and last night it took him an extra 20 minutes to get home (the roads were not covered but it was 10 pm and snowing) but in my head he stopped off somewhere to do something and that is why he was late. When I stop myself and think about it I realize that it was because of the roads but I cann't stop the anger and this happens even if he is 5 minutes late, if he spends $5 too much for dinner, really anything that is out of norm and I know I need help because I can not stop doing this. I know it doesn't give him the right to hit me, but I do understand why it gets him mad. Also, I usually make statements that are "dripping", when I tried a new bra on I ask how it looked and he said good then I said "no it doesn't it pushes them too close together, I know that I have large saggy boobs not the perky weel endowed ones so and so has." I don't even know or have seen the person I referenced! I just cann't stop what is in my head from coming out of my mouth a minute to redirect the "dripping" statement into a question or something a little less accusing towards him.
As for his Grandparents he has never talked about them, I know how they were from statements he has made and his mother had made. He also has a problem of showing how he care, I guess having a relationships because he didn't have a good childhood. I am not giving him the O.K or anything but just a little insight is that instead of his grandparents and mother saying that his mom got pg out of wedlock and the guy left they said that his father was in the Army and was killed in vietnam! He believed this until he was 10 when his aunt (who is a B****) was fighting with him and rudely let him know what the truth was. That is only one story of just a few that he told me. He keeps all of that locked up. He told me how his mother sent him to Nebraska (from Boston) when he was 10 until 13 to live in a group home that was part of her church becuase she was moving in with a roomate and needed somewhere for him to go but told him at the time it was because he was a bad boy and needed to get closer to God.
He is a great guy, when anyone needs anything he finds a way to help out. He cleaned my perants gutters so my dad wouldn't go on the roof and is deathly afraid of hieghts, he is a good guy that is partly what made me fall in love and that is why I am so confused that he would do what he did. He gets so mad when someone else hits a girl but then he hit me, I just don't know but like I told him this is not about me and him but the baby, I NEED to protect him.. from getting hit and hittting in the future.
I really can not say how much you all mean to me for not judging me and being here. Thabk you.
Please don't think that I am justifying what he did, I am not because I have gotten ON MY GOSH I HATE YOU mad at him and never touched him so I know that it is possable, but when I say that I obsess over thinking he is cheating I really mean it. That is all that is in my head! I have tried to get him to see it and I think that he is starting to. I looked up stuff on the net and made a little segment for him to read about why I act the way I do and why I feel the way I do and it seemed to have helped a little. He said that he never realized why I just couldn't get over it now he sees that it wasn't just that he had sex with someone it was much more. But I still can't help thinking that he is doing something, i.e. last yesterday it snowed and last night it took him an extra 20 minutes to get home (the roads were not covered but it was 10 pm and snowing) but in my head he stopped off somewhere to do something and that is why he was late. When I stop myself and think about it I realize that it was because of the roads but I cann't stop the anger and this happens even if he is 5 minutes late, if he spends $5 too much for dinner, really anything that is out of norm and I know I need help because I can not stop doing this. I know it doesn't give him the right to hit me, but I do understand why it gets him mad. Also, I usually make statements that are "dripping", when I tried a new bra on I ask how it looked and he said good then I said "no it doesn't it pushes them too close together, I know that I have large saggy boobs not the perky weel endowed ones so and so has." I don't even know or have seen the person I referenced! I just cann't stop what is in my head from coming out of my mouth a minute to redirect the "dripping" statement into a question or something a little less accusing towards him.
As for his Grandparents he has never talked about them, I know how they were from statements he has made and his mother had made. He also has a problem of showing how he care, I guess having a relationships because he didn't have a good childhood. I am not giving him the O.K or anything but just a little insight is that instead of his grandparents and mother saying that his mom got pg out of wedlock and the guy left they said that his father was in the Army and was killed in vietnam! He believed this until he was 10 when his aunt (who is a B****) was fighting with him and rudely let him know what the truth was. That is only one story of just a few that he told me. He keeps all of that locked up. He told me how his mother sent him to Nebraska (from Boston) when he was 10 until 13 to live in a group home that was part of her church becuase she was moving in with a roomate and needed somewhere for him to go but told him at the time it was because he was a bad boy and needed to get closer to God.
He is a great guy, when anyone needs anything he finds a way to help out. He cleaned my perants gutters so my dad wouldn't go on the roof and is deathly afraid of hieghts, he is a good guy that is partly what made me fall in love and that is why I am so confused that he would do what he did. He gets so mad when someone else hits a girl but then he hit me, I just don't know but like I told him this is not about me and him but the baby, I NEED to protect him.. from getting hit and hittting in the future.
I really can not say how much you all mean to me for not judging me and being here. Thabk you.
Do you people ever see past your own "ideas, beliefs, fantasies"? I am NOT blaming her, just pointing out that she has to accept her responsibility in this relationship. You people take me saying to stop pushing buttons as to be a punching bag! Give me a break, she doesn't have to give in to his games, she doesn't have to stick it out, she doesn't have to be the punching bag and she knows it! She is the only one who can make the choice to leave. She KNOWS what is going on is wrong, but she loves him and believes in him. Give her some credit as well as her "abuser". Just because you super-women believe that if it's not perfect to begin with, it will never be.... That is so wrong, because people DO CHANGE, you just have to change yourself first if you are hoping for change in someone else. Quit reading what she says and forming huge assumtions that she is a classic "battered woman". Did you ever ask her if she hit him back, if she intentionally provoked him, knowing what the outcome would be? No you don't, because you "perfect" ladies that have formed like a pack of wolfs and from reading past forum archives, "weed" out the other posters that don't have your same point of view.... Now how wrong is THAT? Did you ever consider that my advice may be what she needed to hear, and that now you bullies have come in and made it sound stupid? Why would she feel normal now for agreeing with what I have to say? You people need to think BEFORE you type. Going to church isn't going to solve everyones problems! And yes, I believe in Christ!
Oh my, it does not take two people to create this situation that's going on with mejoje. Granted, she has trust issues with him which stem from HIS initial cheating (which if he's not cheating now, I do think she's going to have to work on if she wants to stay with him), but that minute he lays a hand on her (not once, but twice, and yes there will be more times), it's entirely his problem. Pushing buttons or not, there is no justification for his actions EVER. And for her to stop just because he might lose it is not good advice. What if he decides later down the road "if she looks at me wrong, I'm going to lose it." Does that mean she can't look at him wrong if she doesn't want to get hit? No, he has the problem and needs help, it's not her actions that should be remedied.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! I have been in a similar relationship for over 11 years (since I was 19) and we have managed to get past the violence, the cheating. Those problems were not one-sided either, they take two people to create. At some point you have to realize that the ONLY thing in this life you can EVER control is YOU. If you cannot trust him, then make a decision: accept him for who he his AND isn't, OR LEAVE! That is the bottom line.
If you have family that can help you get going then start taking to someone in your family you can trust. That is, IF you cannot accept him. Otherwise, you are going to have to start TRUSTING, and not pushing buttons!
Don't get me wrong, no one should be a door mat but you know your boyfriend better than we do! Don't fall into the abused girlfriend trap, take responsibility and make a choice that is yours, just make sure it is the choice you can live with!
If you have family that can help you get going then start taking to someone in your family you can trust. That is, IF you cannot accept him. Otherwise, you are going to have to start TRUSTING, and not pushing buttons!
Don't get me wrong, no one should be a door mat but you know your boyfriend better than we do! Don't fall into the abused girlfriend trap, take responsibility and make a choice that is yours, just make sure it is the choice you can live with!
micrazi wrote: Otherwise, you are going to have to start TRUSTING, and not pushing buttons!
Well I cannot disagree more. You are writing from the prospective of a woman that "stayed". That is a choice you made and I'm sure live with that choice everyday.
I can push my husbands "buttons" all week long and twice on Sunday and he would still NEVER lay a hand on me. And vica versa. Telling her to NOT push his buttons is blaming her and justifying his behaviour. Telling her to tiptoe through life NOT saying something that may trigger him to HIT her!! This is NO answer and no resolution to HIS problem! If he doesn't like the way she approaches HIS cheating then TOUGH cookie. HE can leave. NOT HIT HER!!! NEVER HIT HER!!! He chose her, he cheated, now he has to deal with her lack of trust. her trust issues are NOT her fault. He has given her NO reason to trust her.
I just don't want her thinking that she is to blame for this AT ALL!! So she harped on his cheating, and doesn't believe that he is faithful.. SO what? She has every reason to feel that way. She can harp on it all she wants to. He deserves to hear it after what he did. If he can't handle the heat, he should get his butt out of the kitchen. Why should she shut up about his cheating? So he doesn't hit her?? Sorry, but No. That is not Love. And using his childhood is an excuse. Yes I believe that boys can learn it from what they see as "the norm", but he doesn't get to have an excuse. "Sorry I broke your nose, but Daddy used to hit Mama like that so deal with it!" Uh NO. He doesn't get to do that.
Most Churches are opened Sundays, Wednesdays, and there is always someone available to answer the phone. I hope to hear that you guys are present as often as possible. If you are going to stay, I sure hope he gets some help.
My attitude was not directed at the poster. I have complete sympathy for you. I just can't handle people implying that you are to blame in any way shape or form. You already think this to a certain extent and it couldn't be further from the truth.
We are here for you. And yeah I sure wish Jenni would chime in. Love DOESN'T hurt!
--J
Well I cannot disagree more. You are writing from the prospective of a woman that "stayed". That is a choice you made and I'm sure live with that choice everyday.
I can push my husbands "buttons" all week long and twice on Sunday and he would still NEVER lay a hand on me. And vica versa. Telling her to NOT push his buttons is blaming her and justifying his behaviour. Telling her to tiptoe through life NOT saying something that may trigger him to HIT her!! This is NO answer and no resolution to HIS problem! If he doesn't like the way she approaches HIS cheating then TOUGH cookie. HE can leave. NOT HIT HER!!! NEVER HIT HER!!! He chose her, he cheated, now he has to deal with her lack of trust. her trust issues are NOT her fault. He has given her NO reason to trust her.
I just don't want her thinking that she is to blame for this AT ALL!! So she harped on his cheating, and doesn't believe that he is faithful.. SO what? She has every reason to feel that way. She can harp on it all she wants to. He deserves to hear it after what he did. If he can't handle the heat, he should get his butt out of the kitchen. Why should she shut up about his cheating? So he doesn't hit her?? Sorry, but No. That is not Love. And using his childhood is an excuse. Yes I believe that boys can learn it from what they see as "the norm", but he doesn't get to have an excuse. "Sorry I broke your nose, but Daddy used to hit Mama like that so deal with it!" Uh NO. He doesn't get to do that.
Most Churches are opened Sundays, Wednesdays, and there is always someone available to answer the phone. I hope to hear that you guys are present as often as possible. If you are going to stay, I sure hope he gets some help.
My attitude was not directed at the poster. I have complete sympathy for you. I just can't handle people implying that you are to blame in any way shape or form. You already think this to a certain extent and it couldn't be further from the truth.
We are here for you. And yeah I sure wish Jenni would chime in. Love DOESN'T hurt!
--J
That is exactly what I told him, that I don't want this angel that think it is alright to do it. Actually I don't want him to think it is alright to hit anyone. I did tell him that we NEED help and that it will never be US again until we actually get the help. So, I guess that at least I am doing what I am suppose to be doing, I know except telling everyone what is actually going on. He told me to talk to my mom but I just can't, this is something VERY personal to me and I am not able to make it public knowledge. I have a fairly large close-nit family and three of us live within a small city block of eachother (my next door nieghbor lives across the alley from my sister and my brother lives a street down, and both have teens that know everyone so if one person knows something within hours everyone in the town knows. I just can't do that even if we stay apart I will never tell what happened. I also never want the chance of this little one EVER finding out, he WILL have a good opinion of his father untill the ever comes that he himself changes it.
I have to stay that it may work because when we did talk he has let me ask anything that I wanted and answered, but like I said I have the problem there. But thank you guys so much for giving me a place to come to. It means the world to me.
I have to stay that it may work because when we did talk he has let me ask anything that I wanted and answered, but like I said I have the problem there. But thank you guys so much for giving me a place to come to. It means the world to me.
I just wanted to add that it does take alot of courage to ask for help. That is a huge first step for both of you. I also just wanted to add that if he truly does want help and wants to change, it will happen. But, don't be surprised if the time comes to go to counseling and he backs out for one excuse or another. I'm not saying he will, I'm just saying he wouldn't be the first guy to act like he wants help but not truly mean it.
For you and your baby's sake, you have to think about the possiblity of him not changing and what you might have to do if he doesn't. This is the most important, the safety of you and your baby. It would be the hardest thing you would have to every do, but it is necessary. Obviously you've seen what can happen to a child when they are brought up in a family where there is domestic abuse. It gets passed down from one family member to another. Do you want your child thinking it's alright to hit a woman? Of course not, but you wouldn't be alone in the process. Many women have gone through it on this forum and I'm sure there are shelters for battered women or programs offered through your state agencies that can help. I'm not saying this will happen, but the worse case scenario must be considered when dealing with your situation. I hope the best for you and your family and I hope your boyfriend does get counseling.
For you and your baby's sake, you have to think about the possiblity of him not changing and what you might have to do if he doesn't. This is the most important, the safety of you and your baby. It would be the hardest thing you would have to every do, but it is necessary. Obviously you've seen what can happen to a child when they are brought up in a family where there is domestic abuse. It gets passed down from one family member to another. Do you want your child thinking it's alright to hit a woman? Of course not, but you wouldn't be alone in the process. Many women have gone through it on this forum and I'm sure there are shelters for battered women or programs offered through your state agencies that can help. I'm not saying this will happen, but the worse case scenario must be considered when dealing with your situation. I hope the best for you and your family and I hope your boyfriend does get counseling.
We did talk last night and again this morning and we have accepted the blame we both need to take and when I suggested going to church for help he said that was a good idea and that hopefully the priest will know somewhere for him to go (he grew up with his grandparents and uncles who learned from Grandpa that hit Grandma all the time).
No I wasn't pregnant the first time it was after we lost our first child (m/c at 21 weeks) and I REALLY started to accuse him of cheating because I NEEDED him and he pulled away. I stopped talking of nothing esle but him cheating. I am not saying this to "give him permission" I am saying it because looking back I can see that that is what I did. He didn't says "I'm sorry" or buys gifts or anything that typical abusers do, Both times he says that he needs help and last year he asked his mom to help with money and she said she would then she renigged. I think that that is our problem also, we are used to both of us working and bring in enough money, but after losing the baby I didn't care enough to work the hours at work so I dropped down to almost part time, fianacially we were in a dark place untill up to a few weeks ago.
My heart does skip a beat when he walks in the ROOM, I cann't wait until it is time for him to come home from work, when he calls from work my heart drops like it did when we talked on the phone for the very first time. There is no doubt in my heart that I love him, but I just don't know what to do. I think if we really get help BOTH of us that it may work,but I an scared that it may not.
As for saying something, it took alot for me to tell you guys. For me that was a step, please don't overlook this point. What I mean about "closed doors" is that Idon't talk to my sisters or best frind about sex or anything that happens like that behind closed doors, Iam a shy private person..I heardly kiss him in public because in my eyes people do not need to see that.
Thank you all for the info and support.
No I wasn't pregnant the first time it was after we lost our first child (m/c at 21 weeks) and I REALLY started to accuse him of cheating because I NEEDED him and he pulled away. I stopped talking of nothing esle but him cheating. I am not saying this to "give him permission" I am saying it because looking back I can see that that is what I did. He didn't says "I'm sorry" or buys gifts or anything that typical abusers do, Both times he says that he needs help and last year he asked his mom to help with money and she said she would then she renigged. I think that that is our problem also, we are used to both of us working and bring in enough money, but after losing the baby I didn't care enough to work the hours at work so I dropped down to almost part time, fianacially we were in a dark place untill up to a few weeks ago.
My heart does skip a beat when he walks in the ROOM, I cann't wait until it is time for him to come home from work, when he calls from work my heart drops like it did when we talked on the phone for the very first time. There is no doubt in my heart that I love him, but I just don't know what to do. I think if we really get help BOTH of us that it may work,but I an scared that it may not.
As for saying something, it took alot for me to tell you guys. For me that was a step, please don't overlook this point. What I mean about "closed doors" is that Idon't talk to my sisters or best frind about sex or anything that happens like that behind closed doors, Iam a shy private person..I heardly kiss him in public because in my eyes people do not need to see that.
Thank you all for the info and support.
I want to try to get jenni's attention because she has so much experience in this department. She was in the same situation as you when she first posted on this site and will probably tell you that people don't change like you want them to without help. I hope she sees this and gives you some good advice.
I don't believe in the saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" but if he has hit you once, twice, you can gurantee there will be a third, fourth, and fifth. If he sees you take it, he will continue to dish it out. Once a man lays a hand on a woman, regardless of how much you push his buttons, all bets are off and it is time to move on. He will not change his behavior, regardless of what he says, acts, promises, he won't. He might not even change with professional help. Also, you said the first time he hit you was last year? Wouldn't that have made you pregnant when he first hit you? Let me tell you, statistically, 75% of all abusive relationships first start when the woman gets pregnant. That is a fact. And, there is something inside you that will not forgive him.
You might come to him and say "If you get help for your anger issues, I will get help for my trust issues." That might help him see the compromise you're willing to put toward the relationship. If I were in this situation, I would start planning the whole leaving procedure. I will do some internet searches to find useful websites on domestic abuse. It is time to tell someone about it, no one will ever know you're hurting unless you tell them. That could be fatal one day, when he just decides to go off, and your family never knew anything was wrong in the first place.
I don't believe in the saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" but if he has hit you once, twice, you can gurantee there will be a third, fourth, and fifth. If he sees you take it, he will continue to dish it out. Once a man lays a hand on a woman, regardless of how much you push his buttons, all bets are off and it is time to move on. He will not change his behavior, regardless of what he says, acts, promises, he won't. He might not even change with professional help. Also, you said the first time he hit you was last year? Wouldn't that have made you pregnant when he first hit you? Let me tell you, statistically, 75% of all abusive relationships first start when the woman gets pregnant. That is a fact. And, there is something inside you that will not forgive him.
You might come to him and say "If you get help for your anger issues, I will get help for my trust issues." That might help him see the compromise you're willing to put toward the relationship. If I were in this situation, I would start planning the whole leaving procedure. I will do some internet searches to find useful websites on domestic abuse. It is time to tell someone about it, no one will ever know you're hurting unless you tell them. That could be fatal one day, when he just decides to go off, and your family never knew anything was wrong in the first place.
You yourself said that you didn't know if LOVE was enough.. Well LOVE doesn't hurt. Being with someone that loves you lifts you up. Makes you feel like a better person. Makes you happy to greet a new day. You look forward to them coming home, you don't dread the sound of their car in the driveway, wondering what will be next..
My biological father beat my mother on their wedding night. He forced her to concieve when she didn't want to bring children into her life. He beat her during her second pregnancy killing the baby. And she LOVED him. She never left him. He had to die from a well deserved heart attack.That's how we escaped. And YES it is an ESCAPE. Running for your life!
You have to protect yourself and your baby. If he hit you once, as you know, he will hit you again. And again, and again... He will be sorry. He will beg you for forgiveness saying he LOVES you.
Love DOES NOT HURT!!!
Please, get out now. If he EVER gets help, which if he really wanted help, he'd find a way... Then think about it..But that is a future possibility. You have to think about today. And today, you need to be safe. Away from him.
Love doesn't hurt! Please remember that.
--J
My biological father beat my mother on their wedding night. He forced her to concieve when she didn't want to bring children into her life. He beat her during her second pregnancy killing the baby. And she LOVED him. She never left him. He had to die from a well deserved heart attack.That's how we escaped. And YES it is an ESCAPE. Running for your life!
You have to protect yourself and your baby. If he hit you once, as you know, he will hit you again. And again, and again... He will be sorry. He will beg you for forgiveness saying he LOVES you.
Love DOES NOT HURT!!!
Please, get out now. If he EVER gets help, which if he really wanted help, he'd find a way... Then think about it..But that is a future possibility. You have to think about today. And today, you need to be safe. Away from him.
Love doesn't hurt! Please remember that.
--J
Hope you don't think I was being harsh with you, because I certainly am sympathetic towards your circumstances. I just hate to hear women accepting blame for their husband/boyfriends ugly behavior. "Pushing his buttons"...no excuse for hitting at all. Please go to your church and be honest. Don't try to make it prettier than it is..and don't try to hide things he says/does in order for people to think that your relationship is more than it truly is. All relationships have problems, and I hope for your sake that he realizes he has a problem, and wants to get help with you. Otherwise, you can't teach an old dog new tricks...what I mean is, you can't force someone to change something that they don't acknowledge is a problem, or if they don't want to fix themselves. Good luck--MH
i am sorry to say it, but i got a red flag when you said that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. i was in a n abusive relationship, and i thought he would change, but i believe that the only way a person can change is if they are very willing. the church will be a great place for you to start. see if you could ask him about going with you. and pray, do alot of praying. good luck.
I have a wonderful family support system but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I don't want anyone to know what is going on I am a VERY private person (parents don't even know how much money I make). I do have a church and I'm going to call them thank you so much for that tip. He hasn't hit me but 2 times and the first time was last year. And I'm not making excuses for him, when we fight I really do push his buttons but as I said to him I am wrong for doing that but it still doesn't give him the right to lose control. I do love him so much and I want him to change I just don't know if it will happen or if love is enough.
I am 30 and he is 32. Thank you all so much.
I am 30 and he is 32. Thank you all so much.
All I can say is that you need to get out until he gets help..if he's hit you before, then you need to be very careful. As far as the PPD goes, if you're seriously suffering then you need to get help. Don't forget that most meds for PPD take about 30 days to really be effective...so don't wait and hope it gets beter. At least talk to your OBGYN and explain how you feel. Then he/she can help you decide what is your best option. Don't make excuses for the boyfriend...and don't live in a dangerous situation for you or your child. Do you have family???(someone has already asked you this...)
wow, i don't know where to start. i know it may seem hard but you are going to have to get away from him. unless you can get him to go to some counseling or something the best thing would be to not be with him, especially if he has hit you before. do you have a good family support system? because you really need one right now, and if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?
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