Never had an orgasm?

Ok I guess that I will start with this. I am 22 years old and I already have a child but my concern is that I don't believe that I have ever had an orgasm. I have tried with myself and I get to a point where I can't handle it anymore "im sorry this is nasty" but the extent is that I would start to pee some and that would be it but I am not able to push myself past that part and when I am with a man I have to stop him because I am afraid that I will pee on him and how embarrassing would that be!!! I have asked my midwife and she really had no answer but try to go past but there is the fear their so I can't. I know, how can I not know if I have ever had one or not, I'm being honest I just don't know and I was hoping for the help on how to maybe help myself with getting past my fear or if there are certain signs that I might be having one. I propably sound wierd but i'm not sure where else to ask and I do feel wierd asking a doctor about it. So any suggestions or advice that could possibly help please do!

[nadt24]

why dont you try going to the bathroom before? that might help and right afterwards. other than that I reallydont know how to help you. sorry! take care.

[young_single_mother22]

I guess that I left that part out. Well yes of course I have tried that I have tried everything that I can possibly think of doing but it still doesn't help.

[anamri]

I agree about going to the bathroom before-hand.  Also, you might try practicing in the tub.  I used to have a problem with climaxing also... what I learned to do was to tighten the muscle within.  Practice when you are urinating on the toilet... try stopping while in "mid-stream".  Once you get that muscle working and in good shape, you will be able to control it, and then use it while masturbating and during sex.  

Also, for me, I have noticed that direct clitoral stimulation is too much stimulation... if you have a similar problem (which it sounds like you do) then try rubbing directly to the left or right of the clitoris.

Not only do kegel exercises (that's working the muscle that I was talking about) help you to climax, but it also will hold in urination.

Don't worry, with practice and some confidence by achieving an orgasm by yourself... eventually you will be able to climax with your partner.

[AnnieBrooke]

In answer to the part of your posting that says you think you have never had an orgasm:  one of the better descriptions I've ever read of one says "it feels like your **** is sneezing."  If you haven't experienced this, then you probably haven't had one.  (Sometimes women even get them during dreams, you don't have to be with a partner or even a vibrator LOL.)  

I do suggest you learn to get one, even if just by yourself, so you won't be so frightened of the peeing thing.  (I don't think it is going to make you pee.)  Probably the simplest way to do this is to get a hand-held massager (they sell them at drugstores with an innocuous picture on the box of a woman or man looking happy and putting it on their shoulder to relieve their muscle pain, ha ha, who's kidding, but at least you can buy it without feeling like there is a big neon sign over your head).  The kind I'm thinking of is shaped like a large wand with a roundish blue head and goes for about $29 but there are others too, I'm sure.

Then, to address your peeing fears, first of all, pee.  Then take your new friend and plug it in and hop into a (dry) bathtub with a couple of bath towels to lie on.  I really don't think you are going to pee! but at least, if you are in the tub, you won't be so concerned about it that it will hold you back from finishing.  Fold a washcloth a time or two for padding, and put it over the upper part of your vaginal opening.  Press on it with the moving vibrator.  You should locate your clitoris by the way it feels pretty quickly.  Then go for it.  

I've never discussed this topic with girlfriends, so I don't know, but probably every woman is different in terms of how much or how little pressure they like, how much or how little padding, how much speed of the massager, etc., and you will probably figure out a method all your own.  But what I do hear in anecdotal conversation is that women all say a massager works. :)

I'm suggesting this because once you are familiar with how your body feels in this situation, I think it will ease your fears of being with a partner, and it should help you feel more connected to your body.  Just remember, you are not out of control, it's part of who we are to have this function, and you're taking back a whole area of your life that now is harmed by fear and distress.  Good luck!!!

[anamri]

I'm assuming you meant " feels like your vagina is sneezing"? LOL

Wow, weird! - That's not how it feels at all to me.  It feels like wave after wave of extreme warm pleasure "down there", and a release of fluid at the end... which... maybe someone could mistake for urine, if they are not used to orgasming... but is really fluid from your vagina... which is (for me) very liquid.

LOL... vagina sneezing... really?!?... that phrase cracks me up!... never heard that one before!

I don't know if that even sounds like it would feel good! LOL

[JJety]

The fact that you're not sure if you've ever had an orgasm means that you have not.  If you've had one, you know it, absolutely.

I agree that the best way to describe it is a sneeze, except it is more drawn out - meaning it takes a lot more time to build up to and have an orgasm than it does to sneeze.

I also agree that, given the urination sensation, it is best to work on having an orgasm by yourself.  The idea of sitting in the bathtub is great.  

Also, I think the idea that you're not actually peeing but instead it's a similar sensation is right on the money.  I get that feeling too, but maybe you're someone who feels that more intensely that others.  So, it sounds like you're really close and you just need to find a comfortable spot to climax and not worry about the fact that you feel like you're peeing.  Once you get used to the orgasm feeling on your own, you'll be a lot more comfortable with your partner.

Good luck!

[mslkpage]

The sneezing vagina...wonder what the coochie guru would say about that? I've never sneezed more than a couple times in a row. I'm so jealous of those girls who can just sneeze, and sneeze, and....Actually, I can see the similarity in the build up and release.

I agree- you need some alone time when you know you won't be interupted. I suspect if you relax and let yourself go, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that you didn't dribble at all.

[who_is_this]

Sneezes?  Mine coughs.  :)

[anamri]

Well, GREAT news that you've learned how to enjoy yourself (wink, wink)!!!  Now it's only a matter of time before you can do so with your partner!

[glad2bamom]

I don't think they mean that the actual musculature of the vagina sneezes...I think they mean the sensation of your body...you know, when you sneeze, you get an all over body shiver for just a second?  That's what I think they mean, except, of course, an orgasm lasts longer, and is much, much more intense.
Also, I think the fluid you feel is probably not urine, but the female ejaculate.  It happens, really it does.  If its something you're uncomfortable with, I think the idea of the bathtub is a good one.

[anamri]

Funny you mention the water running over it... the shower head was the means of my first orgasm. LOL

[young_single_mother22]

GUESS WHAT LADIES! I FINALLY OVER CAME MY FEAR AND I DID IT!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS GREAT, THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT.........

[[e-mail]]

I think an orgasm feels like electric shock going thru your body.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, that is just great!!!!  I thought the advice and support everyone was giving was great, not to mention hilarious, which made it even more supportive because it was so lighthearted.  I'm really glad it got you through the mental block; can still remember the first time I gave myself an orgasm, it felt very empowering, like I was finally understanding my body.  Congratulations!  (Or should I say Gesundheit LOL)

[JJety]

It really should stop smoking.  That would help the cough.

[oceans3]

well gee...that was FAST!! what did you end up doing???? details girl, details! did "urine" come out this time? how did that part go?

[young_single_mother22]

Well if your wanting details. I just got out my toys and laid on a towel and I just kept on going and when I felt like I was going to pee I just kept on going and I DIDN'T! and I had an orgasm. I think the reason that I haven't before is because mine is so so so strong that I am hardly able to keep going on my own because it just is too much for myself to keep the concentration going on the two things... LOL

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, lucky you!  Nice strong orgasms, what a nice thing to have in your life, a legacy to please you until you are a (happy) old lady. :)  An old boyfriend of mine (so now we talk about sexual things in a very ho-hum way because we have history but it's all over between us) buys all his girlfriends a "pocket rocket" as gifts because they tell him what a nice toy they are.  He said the only time it wasn't welcome was one girlfriend who said it was just too intense.  He thought she was kidding, but then also realized that she had the most immediate orgasm of any woman he had ever slept with.  (He's in his 50s, so that is plenty of women by now.)  So some lucky females are just built for intensity.  Good for you!  Annie

[oceans3]

where did you do it? how long did it last? LOL!!!!! Just kidding!!! no, i was wondering earlier if you tried someones suggestion from other posts or you did your own thing. i am just so surprised it worked for you after all this time. now you'll be doing it all of the time!! one thing no one should be deprived of whether it be on our own or with a partner!

[wickedkklown]

i just took a human sexuality class and orgasm relies on  a lot of different things. hitting the g-spot directly has an intense feeling of urination, try it with your self first and stimulate for as long as you feel comfortable. the orgasm is designed to get women pregnant. the spasms that occur during orgasm "suck in" the sperm- or at least try to. as part of the prime directive in human nature the number one thing is passing on your own genetic code, therefore the whole purpose of sex is procreation- from an evolutionary stand point. the clitoris withdraws itself and "hides" just before orgasm which is to ensure that spem is deposited. that is a major reason a lot of women do not orgasm during coitus, another aspect to orgasm is being comfortable and close to your partner, if you have a partner you feel comfortable with talk to him/her about your concerns and dont be afraid to share what you have found out about yourself. that is, if you have tried masturbation and while you may not have found what it is that you really like, you may have found what you really dont like, dont be afraid to share with your partner. you could also look into a lubricants and lots of foreplay. the famale orgasm takes time so take it slow with lots of stimulation. it might also make you feel relaxed enough to forget about urination.

[dreams15001]

I have a small problem, Im sure no one wants to hear it this way but I dont know how to put it. When my boyfriend goes down on me I have to make him stop it feel like I am going to pee I have gone pee 1st but all he say is get over that point just relax and let it go but I dont want to pee on him how can I get past that without peeing on him please help I dont want to go ask a doctor

[dreams15001]

I have gottin the funny feeling in my body but he wants me to go more but my body starts to jump and that when I start feeling the feel of having to go pee is there something wrong with me?

[SusiQ44]

Help me please!

I have the same issue with peeing, i have tried masturbating many times but came close to an orgasm only once. I felt something start to happen and i peed all over the bed! It freaked me out so much that I stopped and had no orgasm. My usual problem is that the direct stimulation to the clitoris is either not enough to do anything or it is so intense that I am unable to continue. Should I just try to push through it even though it feels somewhat uncomfortable?

Dreams - I get the jumpy feeling during sex very often, every time my clit is stimulated.  Hopefully that is normal otherwise we are both in the same boat!

[violetsky2008]

I'm not so much experienced in sex yet. In pleasuring myself though, it is good to go before hand. I've come close and had that same problem before.
I think the most important thing is to just relax and focus on wanting to have fun, rather than to have an orgasm or to not pee. Hope this helped!
Good luck!

[sweetsal]

by anamri, Jun 26, 2006 12:00AM
I agree with anamri....

does not feel like a sneeze to me at all. But could be diff for some women.  I have a friend that said she didn't know she was having an orgasm either until she described her symptoms and realized she was "on the verge" and stopped herself every time.  Sounds like this is what you are doing too.  The extreme wetting could be "squirting" not peeing.  This is common for some women, the first time it happened to me my husband and I both thought it was urine but it was not.

Good luck...  let yourself go and enjoy.

[tabfe]

i have never had an orgasm. im 26 years old and ive tried. alone with partners. i get close and nothing comes of it.  i do admit im a bit impatient and by reading all these post it seems it takes a while. i cant be horny for that long. i get bored and frusterated and i stop.  am i supposed to be in the same spot the whole time? i have a vibrator my boyfriend got for me. the clitoris is too sensitive and im starting to think ill never get to experience this. perhaps i have a serious personality flaw that is prohibits an orgasm. is there such a personality trait that doesnt allow one to orgasm? im not a horrible person that deserves this. please help. whats wrong with me?

[vag_knowledge]

hey, i know that u said u have overcome your peeing situation, but i just want to set the record straight that wat u are feeling is not pee, it is infact a G-Spot orgasm which results from your G-spot (which is just a few inches inside of the vagina) being stimulated. after stimulation the G-spot engorges and leaves u with a feeling of wanting to pee, but it is not pee, it is a colorless, oderless fluid that is expelled through the eurethra which gives the feeling of peeing BUT it is not pee. its commonly referred to as female ejaculation. this can vary from a few drops to even squirts of fluid at a time being expelled from the eurethra. nevertheless, it is ok, its highly acceptable and men love it during sex. all u have to do is tell him that u squirt and well...from there he will understand.lol. But it is completely normal and its nothing wrong with it. Hope this Helps :)

[emjohnny]

I used to be afraid that I would pee right as I was climaxing. So I make sure I go pee before I have sex even if I have the slightest feeling to pee. However that feeling was not urine. It's called "squirting" it comes out the urethra but is not technically pee. This was a huge relief and makes sexual experiences more exciting.

[deprivedmommy]

i totally understand your situation, i am 28 w/ 3 kids and have never had an orgasm, in fact i have no interest in sex at all with my husband, it is ok, at first sometimes i am aroused but then it become irritating i just want to stop, I dont know if the fact that he has a small penis has anything to do with it, but this is ruining our relationship, i have no interest in having sex with him and he wants to all the time, it has already been 4 months. Please help!! :-)

[Corey893]

I think some of you women might be confusing pee for female ejaculate.

[thirtysomethingmom]

I am 31 years old and have one child. And I have never experienced an orgasm during sex. I have been faking it for 20 some years...it's annoying. It's not that I can't experience one... I do, personally and through oral. I have been with 5 different guys, I have tried different positions and nothing. Trust me it feels good and all and just kills me that I don't have the "explosion". Even when my partner plays with clitoris during sex..doesn't do it. I am recently divorced and starting a new chapter in my life and I want it to include that sweet release during sex. Any ideas? Any at all???

[vaginalsneeze23]

orgasms are a race to the finish !! its not your husbands faults that you cant win, this does not mean your a loser it jus means tht you came in second outta 2

[vaginalsneeze23]

orgasms are a race to the finish !! its not your husbands faults that you cant win, this does not mean your a loser it jus means tht you came in second outta 2

[newly_wed]

You should try reading "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. It's written for men, but it has great insights for women about their own bodies. He talks about how it is only recently that sex has been so "penetration focused." It is totally normal for many women to only be able to climax through clitoral stimulation, not through penetration (aka sex with a man). The author encourages men (and women) to embrace many different sexual acts as sex, not just penetration.

[jes_90]

how did you get ove the peeing part? I have that same problem and basically none of this blog helped me but it was a relief to read your first post.I've always thought I wasweird for having that issue.

[pvthoughts]

I am 43, married 23 yrs, 3 sons and never had an orgasm. He was my first & I was his.  He is a good husband & father.  Very supportive of my going to school & of boys activities.  I think I'll try the book.  We have almost left each other several times b/c of arguments about his wanting sex & me not. I've gone to a counselor but hubby said he wasn't going to just have someone tell him something he already knows. I'm not interested at all any more & mostly cry through it. I don't want anything to do with it, just get it over with. I go to bed before him b/c he always wants sex if he goes to bed with me.  I've talked to him but it doesn't seem to sink in. Many of my nurse friends think something is wrong with me.  I've had hormone tests done, etc.  All come back normal. I don't know what to do anymore so I just go through the motions of living. I wonder if I ever had an orgasm that it would be better??