Orgasm / Pregnancy Questions.

[sharp123]

ok. i have been married around 15 months. after about 12 months or so my wife says that she "thought" she was having orgasms, until i bought her a vibrator and she really felt what one was like. it was pretty depressing, but then i began to research and it looks like alot more people have this problem than me. she cannot seem to have an orgasm during intercourse, we have looked up the "best" positions, and sometimes some of those hurt her. althgouh she can have one with the vibrator. on a side note, we were both 20 when we got married, we were both of ours first partner, so i guess we are still learning. im just seeing if anyone has any helpful tips for us.

also, we have been trying to get pregnant, but i work offshore 14 days a month. it had been over 6 months already and no luck. but im guessing my schedule has something to do with that. if you have any helpful information, please share. thanks

[lkw-lkb]

Don't let the fact that your wife has a hard time having an orgasm make you feel bad. My husband and I are having the same problem and although it is kind of, well, inconvenient, we've found it's just good to be open about this stuff. Just keep working on it and make sure it's a united effort so she doesn't feel like she's abnormal. If you haven't tried using the vibrator during intercourse, you should. It sounds pretty clumsy, but it's a good idea.

[AnnieBrooke]

Let's see.  For the orgasm thing, at least there is the vibrator (I know this sounds cynical, but be happy that she isn't unsatisfied, she has that to fall back on and will never look away from you to another man just to have an orgasm).  Make your fun as you can -- use the vibrator with her, and try to just get into it as a fun thing no matter how unconventional it may seem at first.  A couple's sex life is supposed to be about relaxation and fun.  No matter by what route you get there, if you two are laughing and having closeness and contact and relaxing, hey, that's better than many couples get!!! :)  

Don't get your sexual pointers from porno movies.  It may make good (from the man's point of view) cinema to show some guy pounding away at a woman, but believe me, it is a role model for lousy sex (to a woman).  Caressing and rubbing, holding and hugging, exploring and playing, are TONS better than grunting caveman style and pounding away.  Knowing her man loves her is the biggest aphrodisiac for a woman, and that can sometimes be just that he comes up and helps her with the dishes or some other thankless task.

If a position hurts her, try slower and more lubricant, before you give up on it totally.  You just never know, it might be the pacing and not the position.

As for the pregnancy issues, she should start to make a calendar style chart of her cycle, marking the first day of her period as "day 1" and then noting how long her flow is, what her secretions look like (as there is a difference depending on whether or not she is ovulating) and any other notes (such as abdominal twinges, etc.).  Then she starts a new month with "day 1" when her next period starts.  After about three months of this (measured by her period), she will have a pretty clear idea of how regular she is, and even probably when her ovulation secretions come.  Then she can buy an ovulation test kit at the drugstore, and get it down to the exact days.  Once she does this for a while, she will be so familiar with her system that she can project in advance when she might ovulate, and see if those days happen to be when you are onshore.  It will happen that sometimes you will be gone, but at the times she ovulates when you are there, have sex every other day.  

Good luck, you sound like a nice husband and she is a lucky girl.

[sharp123]

we have tried a vibrator. buts its just kind of inconveniant, i mean specially if your doing missionary there is no place for a vibrator to go. i think one problem may be we always just try to go really fast and quick, we may need to have foreplay for a while and take it slow. because wven when she does it to herself, she says it takes a little while. she is on zoloft also, i dont know if that hurts anything?

[sharp123]

hey thanks alot of the replies, i will take into thought all of this. im glad we are both open about it, but it was kind of degrading to hear for the first time you know?  that you didnt give your wife an orgasm for a year? it still kind of hurts, but i see its a big problem with many people. we are both very excited in trying to get one, we always tease about it like "maybe tongiht" haha. i dont know it was awkward at first but i think we will figure it out.

[sharp123]

one more question. so many people say try stimulating the clit while having sex, for some reason that is just kind of tough for me, like i said me and my wife are both new to it so... but missionary there is no room for a hand really. and if the guy is behind, does the female stimulate it of the male?

[Yza]

As for orgasms im afraid it's not your inexperience. Neither here not there. Your wife as millions of women today has problems with sex drive and ability to orgasm. Try diets, creams and supplements to increase her sex drive. Sentia pills are very good. I couldn't have my big "O"s after 26 and I have them after taking this drug and keeping special diets.

[AnnieBrooke]

Zoloft can slow down the response, so yes, it could have an effect.  If you want to try it from behind, go very slowly indeed, as it can be more abrupt to the woman than missionary, and besides that you two will need to find your way with the question of clitoral stimulation.  (Either of you could do that part.)  I'd say that a slower paced missionary with more overall stroking and touching of lots of body areas, and general body contact, would be more effective for her than from the rear.

[sharp123]

well i feel stupid. as you can read from above me and my wife both are new to sex. and well, we have been working on trying to stimulate the "cl*t" while penetrating, and we were trying to do it with the only "sex toy" we hadm, which was a rabbit. pretty much a dildo with a vibrator thing attached. Well i think what would work so much better is just a small vibrator. The dildo was getting in the way terrible, i htink a small vibrator will be perfect. i hope it works i boguht them we are trying it when i get home from offshore, i cant wait!

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd suggest also that you try missionary with no toys, just some lubricant.  You don't need to have a vibrator in there, just good contact and some patience.  Don't rush things, go slow and easy, and press deeply only when she tells you she thinks it would feel good.

[Yza]

AnnieBrooke you are absolutely right saying that Zoloft could influence. I'm sorry.  I ought to say it in my first post in this topic. !!! Zoloft decreases sex drive!!! Taking it was one of the reasons I had lost my sex drive and had to take Sentia to increase libido!!!