Pregnant

Hello.  I am 10 weeks pregnant and undecided about terminating the pregnancy.  My husband is an alcoholic and I recently caught him with another woman.  I filed for divorce and obviously no longer want anything to do with this man.  There is absolutely no chance of reconciliation.  

I am unsure how I feel about going through pregnancy alone as well as raising a child as a single parent.  I am in my late 30's so getting pregnant again may present an issue.  

I anxiously await comments from anyone who has been in a similar situation and what decision they made.

[RMancil]

i am not in a similar situation and ia m so sorry to hear about your husband. but 10 weeks is pretty far along for an abortion (which i dont believe in) i would say if anything put the baby up for adoption. there are plenty of women who raise children single. just dont take any resentment out on the innocent. hope i helped in your decision :)

[AnnieBrooke]

To RMancil:  I am not sure she can put a baby up for adoption without the husband's consent, unless she just flat-out lies on the applications and says the baby is not the husband's.  

Also, pregnancy is hard on some people for physical reasons and emotional ones too, please don't be imply that someone can "just" have a baby and put it up for adoption.
  
We have had the abortion fight on this forum several times and are not going to solve it here, so I don't want to reopen that can of worms.  But I will say that if she has this baby and keeps it, the alcoholic, cheating husband will be in her life forever with power over her through the child.  If she can by some luck cause him to relinquish his parental rights so the baby can be placed for adoption, and is willing to go through a pregnancy, that is of course different.

To Unlucky68; honey, I really feel for you in your difficult situation.  Week 10 is not too late for a safe, legal abortion, just be sure of your reasons, even as RMancil suggested.  I think they are sounder than the reasons of some women who get abortions.  Good luck whichever way you go.  (((HUGS)))  Annie

[unlucky68]

Thank you for your input.  My soon to be ex-husband has two grown children that he does not support or see.  Most likely, he will not want anything to do with this child either... but obviously this is a concern of mine. I need to completely sever all ties with this man and walk away and may not be able to do so if I have his child.

Although I realize many, many women go through pregnancy alone (some by choice), but I am not sure if this decision is right for me.

[need_help_plz]

Please take all this into consideration before killing a soul. It is not life ending to raise a child on your own. But abortion is and that decision can never be undone, and I have know that is a hard decision to live with if gone threw with.

I realize your situation but remember it could always be worse!

Please consider all of your options before you do this.


At the end of 12 weeks:

Fetus is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long

Weight is about 1/2 to 1 ounce

Nails start to develop and earlobes are formed

Fetus develops recognizable form

Arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet and toes are fully formed

Eyes are almost fully developed

By this stage, a fetus has developed most of his/her organs and tissues

Fetal heart rate can be heard at 10 weeks with a special Doppler instrument



This web site is VERY graphic but maybe take a look to see what your considering:

http://www.christianu.com/abortion-photos.htm

As you can tell that I am very against abortion, and it is not my place to judge you which is why I have not said more than this. Only God can judge you and your decisions.

I hope that you make the right decision!

[Harley-girl]

Give her a break, she is going through enough w/out having to deal with your post. Show some compassion to her and do not throw out your own opinion as it was not asked for.

[hopeful06]

Hi there, first off I am sorry that you are going through this all. I know how difficult a decision like this is. Last year I found myself in a very diffult situation similar to yours. At first I was going to keep it, but for many reason I decided to abort at 8 weeks. Please do not judge me anyone. It was a decision that I wish I never had to make in the first place. The procedure for an abortion is the same as when you miscarry, usually either a D&C or D&E. I do want you to know since I have gone through this, is that it is something that you have to live with for the rest of your life. It became really hard for me around the edd and I am still dealing with guilt and all sorts of other things. I am still pro-choice, although I would never have another one. At times I do regret my decision, but I also know it can't be undone and I learned alot through it all. I hope I have not offended anyone, I just wanted to share my personal experience. I want to wish you luck in whatever decision you make. Take care.

[need_help_plz]

Those are not opinions they are cold hard facts.

And I was never once rude or made ugly remarks.

Last I checked this is a forum to make comments to and that was exactly what I did.

I did not intend to offend anyone with the fact of what would happen if a abortion was to be done.

I am very pro abortion and I feel that people should know what is going to happen before considering that option.

Like I said there are things that are worse than what she is dealing with. I really do feel bad for her and she should of never had to go through this in the first place, but the fact of the matter is that it is real and needs to be handled with thoughful consideration.

I do apolagize if my post affends others, that was not my purpose.

[Harley-girl]

I am lost now you just stated you are pro-abortion?
I know we are all able to share our opinions but this is a touchy subject and she has enough on her mind w/out all those oppossed to abortion getting on her case.

[need_help_plz]

sorry anti-abortion!!!!

[Harley-girl]

Gotcha, have a good weekend.

[Esperanza/Hope]

This is a very tough decision to make. I have never had a abortion either and know i never will. Although i don't really believe in them, totally understand and agree that sometimes it is the best decision to make for EVERYONE. I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 yrs and finally at 29 yrs old had my first pregnancy we were so excited sadly it ended in miscarriage. My two younger sisters have both had abortions and i was sadly glad they did. they were in no situation to bring children into this world and i believe the child would have suffered just as much. The baby daddys used drugs and drank alot. They considered adoption but we have cousins who were adopted they love there adopted family and but also always felt like something was missing. What ever you decision is i sure it will be the right one. Please don't look back with regret what will be will be and god is a forgiving god.

[tomsbaby]

i think that you will live with that for the rest of your life!! it could be your only chance! i had a friend whos dream was to have twins, she ended up pregnat after a one night stand and had a abortion! turned out to be twins!!  (oooops!!!)   so just remember it will be with you for the rest of your life either way but it is your choice!!


and if she didn't want opinions she shouldn't have ever posted!! so sorry!

and yes I have many single mother friends that are doing just fine! so thats not a problem!!

you do what ever you want

[Trentonsmom]

Every person makes tough decisions in their life and this one looks as though it is going to be one of yours. This has nothing to do with my thoughts on abortion. When it comes to making a decision on something like this, just make sure that you think it all the way through. You are the only one who really knows what is best for you and your well being. No one really knows how the outcome of a decision like this will effect you later on in life. Hindsight's 20/20, right? I just had a friend who had an abortion at one time in her life and it has really affected her at this time in her life. There is not a day that goes by she doesn't think about her unborn child.
I wish you all the best with the decision that you choose.

[luvbug02]

Hi hun... The decision is yours and I am very sorry about your a** of a man, but you can safetly teminate and still feel you are doing the right thing do you feel that you would look at the child a resent it for what its father did to you then i would consider abortion or adoption and adoption isnt always the best decision, they always dont get adopted and may go into foster home and it may not have been the best place for them (personal experience) you have to decide because i belive 12 weeks id the cut off point for abortion, I could be wrong though. you have to choose what does your heart say. good luck

[have 2 kids]

you definately have a tough decision.  As others have said you need to take into consideration that if you have this baby the ex-husband could always be in the picture.  I don't know if he's abusive but that's something to consider.  If adoption is something you would consider would your ex-husband?  My heart goes out to you
and if you trust in yourself you will make the right decision for you and the baby.

[sherryroberson]

I'm not in the exact same spot as you, b/c i'm not married to this guy.  But I have been with the love of my life for 4 years, and back in may thought i fell for my friend, well i broke up with my b/f of 4 years, and started a so-called relationship with my friend, well during this time, i get pregnant by my friend.  Well all my feelings have changed now towards my friend, and I want my boyfriend of 4 years back.  My family and my ex thinks i should terminate the pregnancy, but i wouldn't see it.  I'm not by any means judging you, b/c it may be the best for you.  But also look at it this way, since you are in your late 30's it could be your last chance.  See even my friend after me telling him that i didn't have these feelings for him anymore suggested me have an abortion. But i said no.  I made this and i'm going to go thru with it and love it, it's mine. I am stuck living with my parents, b/c i can't afford a place of my own. I have a fantastic job, but my car payment takes that over.  But i figure there's sum way to get thru this.  So I will.  Well Good luck to you in whatever your decision is. Whatever you choose will be the right decision for you!

[mumwith#4]

Sometimes there is the wrong decision, the right decision and then there's the decision that we have to make. You are now in that position. This is not a forum to condone anyone for being pro or anti abortion. Go to another site if that is your objective. I have never had an abortion personally, but I know plenty of women who have and I have supported them in their decision - which doesn't mean I would do the same for myself, but, for god's sakes, people need support in their darkest hour - that, I believe, is the truely Christian thing to do - not earbash someone about anti-abortion issues and make their darkest hour ten times worse - where will those people be if and when you decide to keep the baby...? Look my darling - you do what you have to do and whatever you decide will be ultimately what is not just best for you but what will be best for the baby in the future. As we don't know what our future holds or the strength we may find from our decisions, I cannot tell you what the outcome will be for either choice you make. I'm only certain that abortion is never a decision that a woman makes or takes lightly, so give the girl a break! Other people have said on this site that women are strong and people have gone through worse - that is true - but you can only comprehend as far as you have experienced yourself. This is a very vulnerable time for you, I know, pregnancy doesn't always make you the most rational thinker either - but having said that you need to trust in yourself now more than ever. Have a close circle of friends that will support you emotionally and physically with whatever decision you make and take care of yourself in the meantime. Please don't feel like you cannot come back to this site for any source of support - only draw from the comments you need and want. **** the rest off! Thinking of you,

[unlucky68]

No, I do not have children - this is my first pregnancy.  We tried for two years to get pregnant.  Neither of us got tested for infertility.  I am in my late 30's, he is in his mid 40's.

You mentioned raising a child with an ex-husband.  Were you pregnant during the divorce or how old was the child?

[RMancil]

i totally support your opinion. you made more better points than me! i am anti abortion also - i am 2-3 weeks along with a long awaited baby and i get so angry to think about when i miscarried along with so many others and then others abort a healthy baby. you go girl!

[RMancil]

i do know that it is your decision and by other peoples opinion on this post i hope i didnt upset you. opinions are just opinions and yes facts are facts. so good luck with whatever you choose!

[cBeth87]

My mother has been the only nurse in her whole hospital before to help someone abort a baby that they did not physically feel that they could properly care for. I am not exactly pro abortion, but only because women sometimes tend to use abortion as a form of birth control. This is not your case. I am young so you can take my advice as you see fit. I can say, though, that sometimes the best choices are not the easiest to do. As Annie said, giving a baby up for adoption is hard to do without the father's conscent unless you lie. Do some soul searching. Ask yourself which will mentally be the best choice for you. Will this baby be a joy or an unexpected burden due to your husband's ability to rank with the top assholes of the world. Sorry, had to say it. Either way, I am very sorry for your situation. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish the best for you.