Question about sex that I'd rather just ask women about.

[new to all this]

okay.. me again. this is probably the wrong place to put this, but I figured women would be able to best help me. thanks all!

I don't orgasm during intercourse. In fact, the only reason I have sex is because I will not give my boyfriend oral sex. I don't enjoy either giving him oral sex or having intercourse.

I'm new to all this so I'm wondering if there's something I can do or he can do to help me enjoy things better.

Also, when we do have sex, I feel like a complete idiot bouncing around with legs all up in the air and whathaveyou.

Is there something we can do?

Also, I suppose I should add, when he goes down on me, I love it. It takes me awhile, but I do love it... HOWEVER, he claims that I am not orgasming.

When we started dating he was not a virgin and I was and so he says he can tell I'm not, but I honestly believe I am. I get shaky and almost feel like I can't go on. Isn't that an orgasm?

And still.. I'm not sure why I don't enjoy sex. I love dry humping and digital penetration and all that stuff. Perhaps he's not satisfying me? Please help.

[Sweet^girl]

how old are you?
not everyone can orgasms during sex, but i think if mmaybe you do a little foreplay before sex, like he goes down on you then you might enjoy it more and have an organsm ? instead of just jumping into sex straight away...find ways to get turned on....maybe wear some lacey clothing or try another position that suits you..... also maybe if he goes straight for the sex, then he might be a little rough .... because he knows you dont enjoy it and wants to get it over and done with....

also you have to compramise, and talk about what you both want from eachother, i guess you have to be really comfortable with him to do that,,,...

all the best

[PyroG]

Wow, it's pretty funny that your boyfriend thinks it is up to him to decide whether you are having orgasms or not!  There are small orgasms and large orgasms.  Women vary alot in their response cycles.  Many have very small orgasms, like hiccups.  Maybe you are not screaming or convulsing to his satisfaction, but I suspect that would really amount to ego-stroking for his benefit.  Anyway, lots of women don't come from intercourse.  Most statistics I've seen suggest that about half to 70% of women don't come that way, including myself.  But, it does feel pleasurable to me to be stimulated by my lover's hand during intercourse.  When I have an orgasm while doing this, it adds a lot to the sensation.  You and your boyfriend may have to figure out a position for this that is physically comfortable for both of you.  It can be fun to explore the different possibilities actually, and most men like a challenge.  My two cents on oral sex is this: I have not historically enjoyed giving oral sex to men either, but what changed that is my current boyfriend, who responds so passionately that it makes it much more intense and arousing.  I genuinely enjoy it now.  Have fun!  Hope this helps!

[jgonzales]

Just remember, you dont have to do nothing you dont want to do..
I don't enjoy sex either...lol
If he pressures u into anything tell him I dont want to, or I dont feel like it..
You do what you want to do:)

[gardenroses]

The first time I had sex I was thinking oh my gosh what’s so great about that? I never did enjoy it with that man. And I too never had an orgasm with him, but he had no trouble getting off. The next guy I had sex with was the man I’m married to now. We were going to try and wait till we were married to have sex with each other, but once we were engaged the sex started. It was a completely different feeling with him. Because I was obviously in love with him for sure and I trusted him with my life, he made me feel comfortable and loved. I think feeling comfortable with the man your with is a very important factor, you may think you feel comfortable with the one your with, but underneath you may not be. Or you could be thinking (like you said) I feel stupid with my legs up in the air. I used to wonder where am I supposed to look while I’m having sex? (That was when I didn’t enjoy it) All kinds of goofy things came to mind. Do I smell, I feel stupid, what if I’m not doing a good job, how should I move, and what is he thinking? You have to be able to lock all of your thoughts away and out them in a box. And if you really don’t feel comfortable with it then you shouldn’t be doing it at all. Wait for the right time and wait till your body is ready to feel the great sensation sex can sometimes produce, but not always. To me sex has to feel like an act of true love in order for me to work.
Good luck!

[mumwith#4]

It sounds like your boyfriend has watched too many pornos if you ask me. He has an unrealistic idea of what sex should be like for a woman (of all things considering he's male!). For men, it is more of a visual and physical thing, whereas orgasming for women is more of an emotional and then physical thing.

It takes time and practice (not with many partners, the same one is often better in terms of understanding one another sexually). More importantly you need confidence in yourself (and I don't mean your sexual ability). I don't know why your bf is doubting whether you are a virgin...and anyway, who cares...obviously he's not and wasn't when you started out, so what's his problem if you are or aren't?

I know you probably don't want to think about this but perhaps you can try 'it' on your own to learn how your body reacts to different sensations, without your bf being there. Then you can direct him as to what he's doing wrong...as opposed to what you or he thinks you're doing wrong! It's a learning experience and with the right partner you will gradually feel more comfortable being and knowing yourself sexually and therefore comfortable having sex together.

[harden1]

This sounds like me the first few times I had sex. What helpes me was discovering my true feelings for that person and instead of saying it... show it and he did the same. Also like someone else said if you just jump into it without actually wanting it, it makes a difference. Maybe you are not ready to be sexual with this person. I may be wrong but it sounds to me like this has alot to do with the way you feel about this person... not just pysically.

[saphirechild]

Have you tried watching the sex expert, Sue Johansen, she really helps me!!! She claims that women experince the best orgasms when they are on top, and with oral sex.  And if you think you are orgasming, trust me, you are!!!

[tylersmum]

i get off by riding on top with the clit rubbing on my husbands pelvic area. sorry tol be graphic but that is the only way for me.

[Sweet^girl]

lol tylersmum hehehe ...... thats so like me ....

[Sweet^girl]

sailors wife: im happy with my body image lol.... and with my sex life..... i think if someone isnt enjoying sex then dont do it, i also think that communication is needed..... if i dont enjoy something i just say it and its ok.... no biggy, and i have sex in the morning when i look like hell, and its still as wonderful as you make it .,...

if you cant talk to your parter about what he is doing wrong or what youwouldlike, then you are not confortable with eachother to have sex

[Girlhasproblems]

I have the saaaame problem. I don't give oral either. What ever happened to the day of guys getting off from hand jobs?? Just try different positions or different ways of sex. Maybe he should go down on you first until you're about to blow and then have sex?

[Sweet^girl]

SAILORS WIFE.... I do agree with you, this is a pregnancy forum so forgive me, but sometimes you assume your speaking to peopple who are older....  come on here whenever im in the middle of doind uni work so i dont get to analyze what people write ...sorry maybe I have to read things carefully, i have done that before, but you cant see the face and age of people, so sometimes i just write without thinking it throuh

[dandeelyon]

This is not the pregnancy forum.  This is the women's forum.  The maternal~child forum is more specific to pregnancy.  Just mentioning that.

I have to agree with Sailors Wife on this one.  Coddling people is not helpful.  Being too blunt (which Sailors Wife wasn't) is also not helpful.  I hope the original poster reads Sailors Wife advice carefully.  

Good luck

[lucylocket2]

This goes to everybody!  Why argue? Everyone has a different way of looking at things. That's what makes us all differnet and special in our own little way. We are from all over the world. It's the person who puts the post choice to listen to us or not. How ever old she is - sex is sex. Some people make love other have rough sex and like it. If she is just learning it will take her time to figure out what she likes and doesn't like. I can say I like whips and having my hands tied up dressed in black leather. Others may think I'm a freak. LOL, I don't by the way, but if u do.. Have fun!  I met my hubby when I was 16, and yes, we had sex. no, I didn't know what I was doin, but I soon learned what felt good and what didn't. We have been married 11 years and have tried many, many different things. I don't ever do anything i feel uncomfortable doin. I give him a blow job, but he doesn't come in my mouth. Personally, I think it's gross. I tried and barfed all over the bed. My hubby and I have sex at least 5 times a week. I just learned a move the night before last I had never tried. It was great!!( I did it again last night) He sat on the bed , I was on my back and lifted my self up with my legs around him. Kinds like a crab walk. I did the work lifting myself up and down. Try it u might like it. It takes time to learn what is best for u. but remember. Use protection!!!!! If u r young, some people say not to have sex, but r u really going to listen? NO. jUST REMEMBER IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO A GROWN UP ACTION- BE SMART AND ACT LIKE A GROWN UP!!!  I don't mean any disrespect to anybody. Love you all in your own special way!!!

[glad2bamom]

Just an FYI...you're supposed to be a certain age to post in this forum.  Read the rules.
I totally agree with Sailor's wife.
I'm a 34 year old woman who has friends in lots of age groups.  The only people I know who use the "slang" for things are way under the age limit.
Isn't there a Child Development forum?
If you are being pressured to have sex because you don't want to have oral sex with your boyfriend, then you are having sex for the wrong reasons.  If your boyfriend loves you..(is old enough to know whether or not he loves you) then he wouldn't ask you to do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
Maybe you should stop having sex of any kind until you find someone that can respect you and allow you to experience things at your own pace.

[mommy2boys]

Back off........She's young and has questions and this is all new to her. I highly doubt it's any of your business if she should be having sex or not. It's fine to say your opinion without personaly attacking someone. What to make someone feel like **** for asking a question.

[new to all this]

sorry to cause so many problems/disputes.

i'm certainly new to everything and perhaps i wasn't educated enough on sex.

as far as my boyfriend goes, we're discussing the option of waiting. I think that's the path I'm heading down right now.

This is entirely too scary to continue without complete knowledge.

For the record, I'm 22.

For another record, I took the EPT test as soon as I got home the night I posted the original question. It was "not pregnant."

I know those are 99% accurate, but I'm still uncertain. It's September 11 now and I've yet to have my period.

and to Sailor's Wife. Thank you.