My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have two children under age 11. I run a daycare business from my home. I watch 8 kids (ages 4-10) from 5:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. It is a very long day. My husband arrives home approx 45 min before my work day ends (he has a two hour commute each way) and he has time to unwind. By the time my work day is over I finish making dinner for my family, we eat, clean up, get baths and ready for bed. By this time (9:00 ish) I am sooo exhausted and then my husband wants sex and most times I turn him away and I know it bothers him and he feels there is no alone time for just us. I totally agree. However my point being is when he wants the time with me is usually only seems to enjoy sex when he can "enter from behind" which is uncompfortable for me. Nothing use to bother me and I was never this tired all the time until I started working at home. The work situation works for both of us it's just the time toghether. He wants something a certain way and that certain way is uncompfortable and in no way enjoyable for me. We have even gone to "the shops" to try differnt "things" that would work for me, but nothing does. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for the comments. It's nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I have talked with him about it and he does understand. I think most of his frustration comes from that way of doing it, is the only way he can enjoy himself. I do however, like it the old fashion way and believe it would help my being so tired if I knew I could enjoy from it more.
Yeah, apparently this one was trying to act as both. However, my response on the men's forum should be appropriate for this as well. By a strap on, get some lubricant, and tell him to roll over. Then you can "talk turkey".
Criton is the husband and Tcole is the wife. I had to post for him as he is not allowed to do personal e-mails from work. I told him when he gets home he can read all the comments on his side. I love them all so far. THANKS!
This is so weird, a guy's version of this very same question is posted on the Women's Forum. haha!
Your DH is going to have to learn to enjoy vaginal sex.
You're in pain, and since there's nothing that seems to solve that for your, then that's the end of it. I consider you to be a very understanding and accomodating wife because I have never, nor will ever EVER, do anal.
My suggestion is talk to him and come to the understanding that you need to go back to traditional, nonpainful, sexual practices. He'll never make any progress with your if you're in pain.
As far as being tired, I totally understand. But if you actually start to enjoy sex again, you might find yourself getting a second burst of energy at bedtime. ;-)
I agree with everyone on here about talking to your husband about your discomfort. Perhaps you could initiate something new that would draw attention from what he likes, like roleplaying? If he sees you are confident with your body and sexuality, and still desire him, perhaps that alone will become your focus? I would also recommend that the two of you get away for a weekend to reconnect. A large part of a woman's sexuality is the emotional connection behind it. Working on keeping the two of you "dating" will help unleash the sexy vixen that can do wonders for your sex life :) Good luck!
Thanks to everyone. Appreciate all your feedback. We would LOVE to get away for a weekend, the only problem is our youngest child will not stay the night with anyone yet. She will spend the day with a relative or friend but just not the night yet.
Hey Sweetie! I totally understand how you feel about the "from behind". My husband likes it like that too. It is very uncomfortable for me too.
Have you tried talking to him?
I had a talk with my husband about it and I just put it straight to him. I said " I don't like it!" I also told him about some things that happened to me as a child by my mean cousin. I explained some things to him and now he doesn't ask me for the "behind thing".
He actually feels really bad about ask now that he knows the whole story.
Let him know how you feel about that and your work.
How old is your youngest child? If she is quite young, I understand. But if she is older (3+ years old), she should learn quick. Send her to grandma's for the weekend- your marriage needs to take priority, and then your kids! You can leave behind a legacy for them and model how a wife should treat her husband, how a husband should treat his wife, and how a loving marriage should look like! :)
She is 4. However, her favorite grandmother just past away early this year and the only other relative is my brother and he is currently over seas for the next year. It's a bummer when you don't have a big family. As for friends, she does not really feel too comfortable spending the night yet with a family friend.
i dont think this is the type of situation where it matters whether or not they get away and leave their 4 yr old with someone else. i have been married 10 yrs and have a 4 yr old. we ALL need to get away no matter what. i am not comfortable leaving her on an overnight with anyone, even family. i wouldnt be able to enjoy myself. just have to be creative as to when you can do certain things when they are not around or asleep.
you guys will work it out.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.