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Undecided to continue with pregnancy
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Undecided to continue with pregnancy

Hi ladies. as you all knoww I have been trying to concieve (conceive) for a year now. My life has changed drastically!  My husband and I are seperating it just aint working out after 10 months of marriage. I have three kids of my own  and he has four kids with four other woman. I am scared to have this baby and be ANOTHER "Baby Mama" I don't know if to terminate this pegnancy and just move on I really dont want to bring another baby in this world with out BOTH it's parents. I am three months and I have to decide something QUICK!!!  Please advise be honest PLEASE not brutal....

I do know that soooooo many woman are trying to concieve (conceive) and can't and my heart  goes out to you, but what do I do??????
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Sorry to hear what you are going through it is smart to not want to bring a child into this family situation always think about how the child's life is going to be...on the other hand yes I would have to say irresponsible on getting pregnant especially if you and hubby were having problems...however you say you are 3 months in most states you can no longer terminate pregnancy if in 3rd month you may want to look into that...God Bless you in whatever happens...Good Luck...
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Avatar_n_tn
HI there, im sorry thatyou have to go through that, your decision is personal, and no matter what anyone will tell you , they are not going theough what you are so at the end of the day, you have to go with your heart, i would personally keep the baby,
do you want to get back with your ex? because maybe this will draw you two to reconcile? if not, then atleeast you gained something from the relationship, that is a beutiful baby, anyway goodluck with your decision, im sure you are a wonderful mother and you will choose the right decision
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if you have been TTC for a year and you are now pregnant...there is your answer. you have been given a wonderful gift so why would you send it away? you have kids so you KNOW what 3 months development is inside of your belly.  
i think so far the 2 that have responded have been rather cordial. be careful. you may get some posts that are heated. i could have been one of them but i refrained.
no one here is in your shoes but i would bet no one here would suggest you send that angel growing inside of you to heaven.
however, we would suggest you send your husband away instead.  you would have been married to him just about as long as it takes to grow a baby and deliver it. you know the answer. you are just looking for confirmation. look at it this way. you can always get your man back (or even another down the road) but you will never, ever get your baby back if you let it go. you will forever regret it. i guarentee you.
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It is your decision.  Bottom line.  Your situation is extremely difficult and you need to decide whether you can provide a suitable life for your child.  You could not have predicted that you and your husband would be forced to split up at this point in your pregnancy and I fully sympathize with you.  I believe all children should be wanted, and I'm sure you're a wonderful mother for the children you already have, but if this life situation proves too difficult for you, you should not feel guilty about terminating the fetus's life for yours and the fetus's sake.  I am not advising you either way, you need to make your own decision, but don't let other people make you feel guilty about a situation you could not have forseen.
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My neighbor (an adult now) was adopted, and it happens she was the last child in a big family, where the mother and father were not doing at all well (he was an abusive alcoholic) and so she drew the line and put the baby up for adoption.  I think that was a smart and brave choice and my neighbor (as an adult) has met this family again, so life drew a big circle there.  I don't censure women who decide on abortion, but if your heart is not in it, there is also adoption.  Good luck, sweetheart, I support you whatever direction you take with this.   Annie
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I am adopted also, If my birthmother had listened to her parents(she was 13 when i was born) and had the abortion they wanted her to have, i wouldnt be here....

I agree, none of us are in your shoes, but please consider adoption!!
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If you think your going to abort the baby, it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
You'll wish you never had done it.
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Avatar_n_tn
First of all, there are some wonderful women on this site! Everyone who has posted a comment has proven that.
I had an abortion at 19 and I have hated myself since. Nothing will ever fill that void. I will always feel that someone is missing. And I will always feel like I killed my first child. I am a wonderful mother to my son but at the same time I feel like a horrible mother. I'm willing to bet there are at least 100 thousand people out there that would love to raise your child as their own. I hope you make the right decision. The only way to do that is to follow your heart. Good luck and God Bless You.
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Avatar_n_tn
Dear Mommy-to-be-again! I was unexpected child, my parents decided to give me a chance, even though the family was poor. Later, when I grew up my Mom told me that she was thinking of aborting me, but then changed her mind. She had 4 abortions that she confessed to me. We cried, and I could feel her pain of doing that & taking those decisions. I would never blame my Mother for anything, I wish she didnt suffer so much... Please, give that blessed child for adoption! Be strong, be blessed!!!
Your kids will always love you no matter what!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
i dont know, i see things differently. i always feel things happen for a reason. sometimes we may not know why its happening or what that reason is. i am not overly religious, although i believe in God and pray. i believe He works in mysterious ways as they say and He is working that way with you now. it seems odd to me that you would TTC for a year with your husband and nothing. now, you are 3 months along and spiltting up. i feel that baby was "sent" to you to be there for you during this awful time. that baby is there to "help" you.
things are horrible right now, but they will straighten itself out. you will see how everything unfolds quite nicely if you just give it time.
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Good luck with your decision.  (((Big Hugs to you)))
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Avatar_n_tn
I also had an abortion..I was 15, well before I had children.  It still haunts me to this day, and I was put to sleep for the entire procedure.  I went on to have 2 healthy children, and I couldn't imagine having an abortion after actually holding the children that were in my womb.  I think, from personal experience, that you'll never get over a decision like that.  I have trouble even now, and I wasn't an adult, and someone else "helped" me make the decision.
Use caution.  This child, that you've tried to have for 10 months, can't help the fact that you and his/her father aren't doing well.  I won't mince words...Trying for him/her and then aborting it is inhumane.
Sorry.
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Avatar_n_tn
I havnt read any other posts to this thred, so if I'm saying something someone already said, it's not intended.


It's not shameful to have a baby with someone who has several children from different mothers. You've tried so hard for this baby, you shouldnt throw it away because your relationship failed. You dont have to stay with someone to have his baby....
He and your unborn baby dont even compare to one another.. THey arnt even in the same ballpark. He's a man, they come, they go.. But your children are forever yours.
Please dont look at it as being another 'babies momma'... But look at it like, being a mom to another baby.
You loved this child before it was conceived, dont stop loving him because of a breakup.
If you dont want to raise him, then please consider adoption. You've had 3 children, it wont hurt to carry one more, especially if it's saving a life and giving joy to another family who desperately wants a child....
If you go through with an abortion, you will feel guilty for the rest of your life. Some women can get one done like it was no problem because they know for a fact that a baby is not right in their lives and it was an accident. The conception of your baby was out of love and hope.. You wanted him. And because you wanted him so badly to throw it all away will eat you up inside.
I thought of abortion when I got pregnant with my little girl... It was a confusing time, but I wanted her, and the other half didnt. I cried for a week all day and all night because I didnt know what to do. I loved her so much it made me ache at the thought of her being gone.
She is now a month old and I couldnt be happier with the decision I made. I still feel awful that I considered an abortion.. When I look at her, I cry joyful tears because she's the most precious gift God can ever give.
If I would have went through with that termination, I dont see how I could have lived. I would have felt so empty and so guilty. No man is worth the life of my baby. We're still togather, and hes a great father... but if we dont work out in the future, oh well, relationships come and go, but I will never regret having her.
Please let the baby live, wether you keep it or give it up for adoption.. Children are so precious. It's very sad that there are millions of deserving families that want children that they cannot have on their own, and clinics like Planned Parenthood throw millions of babies down the toilot for a small fee of $400.
Some families would pay you up to a hundred times that amount for your baby.
I wish the best.
Jen
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Avatar_n_tn
I have so much to say.... Sorry for hogging up this post.

I have a good friend that recently got a girl pregnant. This girl has a 9 month old son, and is about 5 weeks pregnant.
She made up her mind on an abortion before the stick turned blue.
When he told me this lastnight, it devistated me.
This is a precious child that didnt ask to be here. They had sex without a condom.. They knew what they were doing, and this little baby is a result of that.
I wish I can take this baby and hold it in my arms... I wish that he can be transfered to my womb, and carry it to term, and give it to a family who wants him.
I got myself emotionally attatched, and named him Blane. I think about baby Blane nonstop.
I pray for baby Blane, that he will be happy, and grow, and be loved by a family in heaven, because his parents on earth did not want him.
I dont understand why a mother of an infant would want to have an abortion... The love from your child is the most amazing and beautiful form of love there is. Since she obviousely could care less about this baby, and dosnt want it... It's heartbreaking that she dosnt recognize her status as a mother and give that opportunity to another woman who's heart aches because she cannot have children.
For a woman to give her baby up for adoption, I applaud her, because she has the strength, and the love for that baby to understand her situation and think of what's best for the child.
My dad was adopted.. besides being a very sick baby and needing 3 blood transfusions, his biological mother, at 16, had already decided on putting him up for adoption. She had 2 other children, but didnt decide on abortion.
My dad is a truely wonderful man, and he has lived a blessed life and has 2 great parents who love him very much. My grandma lost a baby at birth, so they decided to adopt, and got my dad.
He and my mom got pregnant at 17, and married after graduation. They thought about abortion, but couldnt do it. they had my brother, and then me, who also thought about abortion, and decided not to.
I didnt intend on giving a life story, but that's a story from one mother who wanted better for her baby, and helped an aching family.. and because of her miraculous strength, helped make a new family that chose life over and over again.
She was the start of a chain reaction.. and dosnt even know it.

I have no control over baby Blanes desitney, but I wish so bad that I can take him and run for the hills... And I dont have control over your decision either. But I cant sit back and not say something.. especially when you're asking for advice. I have alot to say, and alot of hope and support to give, if you want it. Your baby is 3 months devoloped.. She's the size of your computer mouse.. You're 1/3 of the way there. Keep going.

I hope you're doing well.
Take care.
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Avatar_n_tn
Best wishes in any choice you make.

I was dirvorced over 6 years before I saw anybody.  I dated one person for several months, and got pregnant.  I was completely distraught.  I have struggled the whole 6 years for time and money, I firmly believe that every child needs two parents.  I don't personally believe abortion is a good answer for the child, or the mother (I know several people who have had abortions, and I don't know anyone who didn't regret it).  I considered adoption (a very difficult thought).  The thing that stopped me from doing what I thought was right, but difficult, was that I didn't think my other two children should see me giving away a baby.  I thought that would be very bad for them.  So, I had my son nearly two years ago.

This has been a great blessing to me.  Sometimes things are a little more challenging - time/money.  This made me take steps to being self-employed, working mostly from home.  I still need to be able to have minimal/no daycare, but things really have worked out.  Sometimes I have no idea how, I'm amazed by my life.  My kids love having the baby around (and they are BIG helpers).

Everything isn't as great as I would like it, but it is actually better than it was before I had the baby.  While I feel a bit guilty for allowing this to happen, I didn't add additional guilt for anything else I did, for me it was the best I could do with an AWFUL situation.  I tried to do what was in the best interest of everybody, without thinking selfishly, and what would make my life easier, or would make me happy, or save me from being embarassed, or anything else.  I have been blessed for the decisions I have made, and suffer with results sometimes as well.

Just another perspective, and some info to consider.  I wish you the very best.
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Well put Jenni. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
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I'm going to try really hard not to be mean and believe me it's taking a lot of restraint. All I'll say to you is that at 10 weeks the baby you may kill has facial features,hands, feet toes, fingerprints. It is also able to bend fingers around and object if one could be placed in its hand. It can suck it's thumb, squint, swallow,frown, kick. It is practicing breathing (which in your case it may not need to) and finally it can FEEL PAIN! So if you want to go ahead and "terminate" instead of opting to give him/her up for adoption to a couple who would love and nuture him/her then I guess go ahead. You're his/her mommy right now and unfortunately his/her fate is in your hands.
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Avatar_n_tn
You know life is hard anyway...but like another young lady just said.  God has answered your prayers that you have received a gift of a precious life.  If you cannot fully support a baby, adoption is a great option.  After 10 months of marriage, it is still new, perhaps marriage counseling would probably help.  My prayers are with you, and our Heavenly Father is there when you need Him.  Ask him to direct you in the way you should go.  He knows what is best for us.  We don't know the ways.  Go forth and be blessed.
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It's been 5 days.... I wonder what's going on?
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You are a brave woman to post your situation. I feel for you. Six years ago I considered it and chose to keep my baby. Today she is a smart beautiful little girl. But I also knew I had financial help from family. I suggest talking to a counselor. Would you consider adoption as an alternative? Good Luck. ps keep in mind you tried for a long time to concieve (conceive). What if this is the last one. Also what are the odds that you reconsile with X and how does he feel about the pregnancy? Would he perhaps play a larger role in raising this child? Good luck this is a tough choice for anyone. :)
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Avatar_n_tn
Hello,
The decision solely lies in your hands but I personally think you should continue with your pregnancy.Look at the positives of the situation.You tried for a year to get pregnant and you were finally blessed with that miracle.You and your husband (although now unhappy with eachother) were once so in love that you decided to get married and even try to have a child.A child that is a part of the both of you and a product of your love for eachother.Forget about worrying that your going to be another "baby mama".Start thinking about the fact that you are going to be a mother to a miracle and realize what a privelage that truly is.You have 3 children already you should know that pretty well by now.That baby is also your childrens sibling.Forget about you husband and the bad times!Start thinking about the good that came out of it all!The little angel you are carrying inside of you right now... =O) Good Luck!!!And please let us all know what you have decided... If you need any other advice or just someone to talk to about everything please email me: ***@****
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Wow! I have no idea where to begin. I was completely shocked and relieved when I read your question.  I am in quite a similar situation. The only difference is my pregnancy was unplanned. But my husband and I are also looking at a separation as the only optoin for us.  We have only been married two years but have been together for six.  We already have three beautiful children.  When I was sixteen I got pregnant.  We had looked at abortion very closely as an option but we just could not follow through with it.  And every day I thank God we didn't because now my son has just started kindergarten. I have two girls as well that were completely planned and i would not have it any other way.  But this one we are torn.  My heart says one thing and my mind tells me another.  We don't know what the future holds for us as a couple and are just as unsure about bringing another child into such confusion.  A few questions we have been asking ourselves (and might help you in your decision) are: Would it be fair that child growing up in that kind of situation?  Would it be fair to us and our other children? Is it fair to this unborn child to not even give him/her a chance at a life? This unborn child is just that...a child.  It is not just tissues and cells any more. Is it morally right?  But it also helps us to know we are not alone in this kind of situation.  After reading this entire thread and seeing all the different perspectives I am sure I know what we will be doing.  I wish you all the best of luck! And just remember...The choice is soley yours. No one else can decide what is best for you. All the comments are just that...comments.
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I've recently found out that I am pregnant after a holiday romance (would like to add I have known him for a few years and reguarly go on holiday to the same area so it wasn't just a one night stand thing). I'm 24 and I just don't know what to do....90% of me knows that the right thing to do is have a termination because I don't want to be a single parent and 10% of me wants to keep the baby. The father wants to me to live with him abroad but that isn't an option.
My main concern is finance as I know it's expensive bringing up a baby and my financial situation isn't at its best. I don't want to be one of these single parents living in a council house getting benefits! If I decided to keep the baby I would probably have to move back in with my parents for the first few months!
Would be grateful for any comments...
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Avatar_f_tn
i dont beleive the right thing to ever do unless there are special circumstances is to tell a baby.

no one says you have to be a single parent. and no one says you rhave to be "liing in a council house getting benefits"

its not just your baby your thinking about aborting.....the least you could do is to talk to the father. hear what he has to say. i think its unfair to at least discuss it and get his thoughts. they might be the same or different as yours.

im sorry your 24. if you didnt want a baby at all why didnt you think to use a condom? i dont think its fair to kill the unborn child. if you knew your all for abortion...you should have used a condom. ABORTIONS ARE NEVER A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL

ABORTIONS ARE FOR LIFE. you cant go back and change it. even though mostly everyone i know regrets it for the rest of their lives. IF ANY PART OF YOU WANTS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD....KEEP IT. IF YOU DECIED ITS TO HARD. OR SOMETHING, YOU COULD ALWAYS GIVE HE OR SHE AWAY TO A FAMILY THAT REALLY WANTS TO HAVE A CHILD BUT CANT. IF YOU KEEP YOUR BABY AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE CHOICE TO REALLY KEEP IT AND LOVE THIS HUMAN BEING THAT ALREADY HAS A HEARTBEAT AND IS A PART OF YOU OR YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO GIVE YOU BABY LIFE AND GIVE IT TO A LOVING FAMILY.

basically i say keep it. abortions are for life. you will be killing a part of you. and your child.

but if you keep him or her, you have two options to give it away to a family or keep it and love it. EVERTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
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Avatar_n_tn
I grew up without a father and i am perfectly fine! I am married with 2 children and i love my life, dont take that away from your child over some loser. thats all i have to say.
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This thread has been going since 2006.....Does anyone knows what happened to the mother and baby?????  By now the child would be 2 years old! If anybody knows what happened please fill me in!
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Avatar_n_tn
I had an abortion and I'm not "haunted". That's just a total load of garbage. Sometimes, you have to put your existing family and your personal needs first. Make your choice, but don't be guilted into a bad situation by a bunch of biddies who want to stuff their culture and religious views down your throat.

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