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Unwanted Pregnacy

I am not sure this is the correct forum for this discussion, but if I offend anyone, I am sorry.  I am in my late 20's and have a 21 month old.  I just found out about 2 weeks ago, I am pregnant.  I am not married and the father of the child does not want any children (I don't think he is going to be involved).  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to put up for adoption.  My only options are to have the baby or not to.  I am so confused and hurt.  On one hand, I want to have it and on the other hand my 21 month old is enough for me to handle right now.  I also have a full-time job.

Basically, I will be a single working mother of two.  I am not asking for judgement or put downs.  I am sure that everyone have a political and moral stand put on this issue.  I don't mean to upset anyone.  I just need some honest and nonjudgemental advice.
11 Responses
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Avatar universal
I have had 2 abortions and it took me a long time to even be able to listen to a baby cry. It has been over 23 years now for me. If i had it all over to do again i would have done a closed adoption. There are alot of fantastic couples out there that can not have children, you would be heaven sent for one of those couples. Your not selfish but please think about your life the child you have and the wonderful future your new baby could have with a loving couple instead of abortion.... I would love to tell you to follow your heart but that is what got you where you are now. i think...Do what is right for your new baby please.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks to you all.  Your advice really helped me.  I am still little confused, because I still live with my mom and I am going to have to move out to get an apartment ( I just moved back with my mom, because it was hard to afford my apartment)  Now, with this baby, it is not enough room in my mom's house.  And as many may know, rent is expensive these days.  I just don't know what to do?  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well I am in a similar situation. I am in my early 20s with a 3 year old and nearly 4 months pregnant now. At least you know who ur child's father is, I am not sure who I am pregnant by. In the beginning I would always cry and feel torn because I put myself in this situation. I felt like my best option was abortion because I was already stressed and bringing another child along would only complicate things. The miracle of this baby was that the doctor wanted an ultrasound for me to confirm when my last menstrual was. I had booked an appointment for an abortion previously. When I had that ultrasound I saw the baby fully formed and moving around at only 10 weeks. So I just couldn't live with the blood on my hands that I was going to deliberately do that to a living person who actually resembles a baby at that point. I am by no means trying to scare you or anything like that. This is from my personal experience. I just felt bad that this little baby was moving around (even though I couldn't feel it), and I was thinking about getting rid of it just because of my own selfish wants and needs. I may still do adoption but I just couldn't live with the guilt. If you are still planning to do something, please hurry. Don't want until the baby is formed and functioning because you may regret it. Anyways, just know that u are not alone, I am also a single mom just graduating college so u can make it!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My honest and non-judgemental advice is:  As a mature woman and a mother of your unborn baby...your baby is counting on you to show grace and mercy....however difficult or not.  

As life goes on, all the intricate details will be worked out within the process.

Everyone here has been shown grace and mercy to have that "one" chance at life
.... even if it's not to live it for themselves.

Blessings and Pleasant thoughts to both you and your unborn baby.      

  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know how you feel but the father of my son was in the house and wasnt any help. Dont no one can tell you what to do but at least know you have one friend. my name is tracey lynch and i am here if you want to talk.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I understand how u could b worried about what to do. It is very scary thinking about raising a kid on ur own, let alone 2, but if u have a full time job like u say and they have health insurance and u r financially stable, then have the child if that is what u want. U will regret having an abortion, if that is what u decide, later on down the road. U will wonder what that child would have looked like, whether it was a boy or a girl, if he/she looks like u, all kinds of things...don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't do it, u urself know if u can handle the responsability or not. I'm sure u will make the right decision based on things other than the dad not wanting it. U never know, he may say it doesn't want it now, but he may change his mind after that first look at its precious face. Good luck on whatever u decide!!!
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484465 tn?1532214032
this is a decision only you can make.  sadly, as the world becomes more corrupt, more and more women are finding themselves in your predicament.  i did want to tell you that in a situation it's best to think about the future.  i too was young, single and pregnant.  i was broke, not finished w/ school, had no possessions, and was still living w/ my mom.  i too contemplated the decision to have my child, but in the end, i did have my son.  though times were very difficult and i had to pull the weight alone most of the way, i can honestly say, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  im now married and have 2 children and doing very well in life that's full of daily blessings.  

remember that situations are just that- situations.  they change all the time, they can get better, they can get worse.  that's life.  don't make a call on your (and your baby's) entire future off of just today's situation.  look down the road and think of life a year from now, 5 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now, graduation days, wedding days, love, and grandchildren etc...    
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Kay,
Did you inform this guy maybe you will be surprise to learn he will support and listen trust your heart either way my blessing and best wishes is with you
take care
Helpful - 0
467707 tn?1270928640
Well, like others said, the law is on your side, the guy has no choice to help out, at least financially...

I'm not against abortion, on the contrary, I am pro-choice, but I've had 2 abortions in my early 20s and I can say that I regret them now... I'm not loosing sleep over it or freaking out daily about it but I sorta wish that i had those babies now that I'm almost 40 and struggling with infertility issues... you just never know what the future holds, you only can count on today...

just my 2 cents
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
Even if the guy does not want any children and you "don't think he is going to be involved," hey, guess what, he is involved.  The law will see to it that he does have something to do with the child, and that something is money.  He didn't have to have unprotected sex if he cares so much about not having children.

Another direction -- open adoption might be a way to go.  You could still touch base and know what is happening in the child's life, and yet would not have the overwhelming task of raising two children with no support.

Speaking of support, where is his family in all this?  They might be excited to have a grandchild / niece / nephew, and might have something to say about ways and means of you keeping the child or even them adopting the child so you can still be in the picture to some extent.

Good luck, hon, this cannot be easy.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
there are lots of people that are single mothers of more than one child. and they do it...you listed reasons for terminitating your pregnancy based on a guy. it doesnt sound like you really want to do this but are only talking about doing it because of this guy who does not sound like a stand up guy because he sould walk away even though you did not get pregnant by yourself.

i dont think you should terminate a pregnnacy.you already have a child yes but its not your unborn babys fault and how can someone make judgment on what children to "keep" and which not to. its not a judgement call but thats just how it is. you both chose to have sex. and your not a young girl. you can do it if you really wanted to

but like i said you listed "im not married" and "the father of the childdoes not want any children" "i dont think hes going to be invovled"

it really only sounds like your talking about terminating your child over a guy and not what YOU really want to do.

and your only options are not to have a baby or to kill it. you can put it up for adoption. im sure that child would be so soso greatful for you giving that baby a chance
Helpful - 0
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