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Why can't I stop thinking about getting pregnant?
This is kind of a question, I guess. I am 22 and have been married for about a year and a half. Around Christmas, my husband and I had unprotected sex once while I was ovulating, so there's a chance I could be pregnant. My husband and I desperately want a baby, but we are both still in college, and wonder if it is the right time for us. I am going crazy waiting to take a pregnancy test; I can't sleep at night,and I get stomachaches during the day from worrying. I think the stress is partially from worrying about being pregnant and all of the financial aspects, and the other part is from me wanting a baby so badly. I'm scared that I'll be so terribly disappointed if I find out I am not. One of my best friends is going to have a baby in February, and watching her throughout her pregnancy has been so hard for me. I am so happy for her, but seeing her belly only reminds me of how much I want a baby. I am wondering if my husband and I should just start trying to get pregnant, but then I can hear my mother's words in my head, telling me to wait a couple of years and have a baby once we're more established in life... Either way, I guess I'll find out in a few days whether I am pg or not. If I am, I know my husband and I will be overjoyed; I am more worried about how I will feel if I am not. I know I will be a wonderful mother, but maybe it's not the right time. Any advice?
So I know exactly how you feel!! I am 22 have been married for almost 1 year in December and I have this want to have a child that has completely taken over me its all I think about. I have graduated college with my BBA n have a good jon my husband is a union carpenter and when working makes good money. I know we can afford it but I don't know if we should be married longer. All my friends who got married the same time as I did are pregnant and watching their pregnancy is so hard I sometimes don't want to be around any of them. I love baby's and children everyone tells my husband that they see my love for them it doesn't matter if they know me they come up to me and we play and laugh and eat and so many times parents tell me how good I am with them. I want a baby so bad I have started taking prenatal vitamins per husband n doctor request because we have talked about trying in a year but I don't know how to tell my husband I want it sooner. I have ready guitars how how to work n be able to stay home with my job it's just getting the go ahead from him.
I recently turned 31 and im desparate for a baby and cry everytime I come on. I have been with my partner for 13 years and he has always been scared of marriage as we were both from broken families. we love eachother to pieces and have always been there for one another and my miscarriage in april 05 made us stronger after we almost split up. since then, my partner left a good job to go self employed and had hardly had any work which he regrets and i think that it just wasnt the right time for us but im still wondering when WILl be the right time as im not getting any younger and there is still no change on the baby front of work issues. I was made redundant in November this year and got a part time job straight away but my partner is struggling to find work! im beginning to ananlise my relationship and wonder if I will ever feel stable and secure in this relationship and that my anxiety is preventing me from conceiving. My sister is 7 months pregnant now which breaks my heart as she has only been with her boyfriend for 2 years and she is now engaged, moved in and expecting! she also is 5 years younger than me and has a 8 year old daughter. life is not fair and i wonder if it will ever be the right time for me! Im seriously wondering about moving on leaving my partner, sister and parents to do some voluntary work abroad as I just cant cope with everything happening aroung me at the moment but that would be running away from the situation, wouldnt it?
Sorry to rant on but im feeling desparate and unhappy. x
Sorry to rant on but im feeling desparate and unhappy. x
oh and to add to that... im only 20, and some may believe that im too young, but my husband and i both wanted children right away....and we dont regret it at all!
i know this is a weird way of thinking, but having children while im in college is the way i want things, i go to school full time, but my classes are at night, so i get to stay home with my daughter, we are currently tring to have another child and plan on having our children close together, if i waited until after college i wouldnt get to stay home as much, which is very important to me, when i get out of school my children will be in preschool, so i guess everyone has a different idea of the "right" time, i just thought id tell you my experience so if you are pregnant and in school, there are definatly some good points!
I think we all felt that way in our early 20s but if you have a choice - I would most definitely wait a few years. The reason is - when you are young, that's when you really want to enjoy the freedom and living wild and free :O) Enjoy the time you have with your husband, go to a movie whenever you feel like it, sleep in til noon on Saturdays! You can't do any of that with a child. The truth is, you really do slow down the older you get and by the time you hit your late-20s or early 30s, you will have so much more to offer as someone who has developed a strong family unit with her husband, and has enjoyed life and accumulated experiences that will be all the more rewarding for your child.
lawgirl has some great advice. its hard to tell yourself to wait when you really are ready for a baby. one thing too is some moms find after they have their baby they want to stay home, they dont finish school right away, and then later regret not pushing through it. if you are pg congrats, it will work. you can both alter school and work schedules so you can minimize daycare expenses (in california expect about $600 a month or more!!) really its a matter of you and your husbands choice, not moms our ours. but i have to say at 22 its much easier to finish school now. im 35. i divorced (not that you will lol) and when i was 30-31 i went back to school. it is harder with kids. had i finished when i was your age i would have not struggled later with getting the energy to work, school and take care of a baby. best wishes, hopefully this year will give you what you want!
I can totally relate to that. I was ready to get pregnant a year after we got married, but my husband kept telling me that we needed to wait. Looking back, it was clearly the right choice for us. However, other couples have children much earlier in their marriage, and they are able to maintain a healthy marriage nonetheless.
I wish you the best. Please keep us updated on how things go, and don't feel badly about being consumed with the thought of having a baby. When your friend has her baby in February, it may be a sufficient "baby fix" to hold you off for a while. Good luck with everything!
I wish you the best. Please keep us updated on how things go, and don't feel badly about being consumed with the thought of having a baby. When your friend has her baby in February, it may be a sufficient "baby fix" to hold you off for a while. Good luck with everything!
Lawgirl17: Thanks so much for the advice, it's very helpful. I know I'll be happy no matter what the outcome, but I plan to get back on birth control after this experience if I am not pg just so that my mind can be at rest. God Bless you and your pregnancy!
In my opinion, if you are this torn, maybe you should wait to officially start trying. If it happens that you did conceive (although all of the stress that you are putting yourself through will not increase the odds of conception and it will put undue strain on the baby if you did conceive), then that is an amazing gift about which I am sure you will be incredibly excited!
When it comes to finances, babies are VERY expensive. I can tell you that my husband and I spend several hundred dollars each month on only formula, diapers, wipes, and baby food. This doesn't include any of the clothing, bedding, blankets, carseat(s), stroller(s), baby furniture, baby medications, etc. I just graduated law school and have an incredible job, but I can still tell you that we are amazed at the amount of money that we need to spend on such a small child monthly. I know that a lot of people make it on a lot less money than we spend, but we felt like it was better for us (to the extent that we had control over conception) to wait until a little later to start having children so that we could provide more for them. Our personal philosophy (and everyone is of course entitled to their own, so feel free to disagree) was that we shouldn't bring a child into this world until we could provide for that child in the way that we felt was necessary. I am now 11 weeks pregnant with our first child, but we have been caring for my cousin's baby since she was born in April, and we have discovered how much we love being parents.
Another thing I can tell you from personal experience is that for my husband and I, one thing that made our marriage so healthy was the amount of time we spent just the two of us. We were married for almost four years before we even bought a dog and had that type of a responsibility. Six months later, we chose to take in my cousin's baby and care for her to prevent her from going into the foster care system. Had we chosen to have a family earlier, we would not have been in the financial position to take her in, and who knows what would have happened to her if she would have been put into the system. There are some incredible foster parents out there, but I can tell you story after story of some pretty horrible foster parents as well. If you find out that you are not pregnant, maybe you could look into providing a temporary foster home for babies that are being adopted and need shelter for a couple of nights before being sent to their adoptive parents or something like that. It is an amazing way to get your baby fix, you would not be solely financially responsible, and you would be able to share your love and affection with a child who needs it.
In the event that you find out you are pregnant, CONGRATULATIONS and I wish you the best. If, however, it turns out that you are not, I recommend that you not make a rash decision but instead take your time deciding if you are truly ready. I would recommend sitting down and planning out a budget for you and your husband to determine how much money you can start saving because a strong savings account is a huge asset when a child comes along ... you never know what medical issues may arise, etc. Additionally, you will want to check to see if you have maternity insurance ... a normal vaginal delivery without any problems is at least $2500 depending on the area, and if your insurance does not include maternity insurance, you will be responsible for the delivery, hospitalization, and all of your prenatal care. I know that unplanned pregnancies happen all of the time, but I believe that for those of us who are able to prepare, research, and plan, it is in the child's best interest to do so. Again, I wish you the absolute best in both your decision-making regarding becoming a parent and in regards to the issue of whether you are currently pregnant. I can tell you that I got my first positive home pregnancy test at 11 days past ovulation, but it was VERY light (to the point where it was difficult to read). It gradually increased in color to the point where it was quite dark the day I was due for my period or shortly thereafter. It is a lot less expensive if you can just wait and see if you start your period before testing, but I have always been slightly addicted to peeing on a stick (I am far too impatient to wait it out), so don't feel bad if you give in to the temptation and test early! ;0) Best wishes to you!
When it comes to finances, babies are VERY expensive. I can tell you that my husband and I spend several hundred dollars each month on only formula, diapers, wipes, and baby food. This doesn't include any of the clothing, bedding, blankets, carseat(s), stroller(s), baby furniture, baby medications, etc. I just graduated law school and have an incredible job, but I can still tell you that we are amazed at the amount of money that we need to spend on such a small child monthly. I know that a lot of people make it on a lot less money than we spend, but we felt like it was better for us (to the extent that we had control over conception) to wait until a little later to start having children so that we could provide more for them. Our personal philosophy (and everyone is of course entitled to their own, so feel free to disagree) was that we shouldn't bring a child into this world until we could provide for that child in the way that we felt was necessary. I am now 11 weeks pregnant with our first child, but we have been caring for my cousin's baby since she was born in April, and we have discovered how much we love being parents.
Another thing I can tell you from personal experience is that for my husband and I, one thing that made our marriage so healthy was the amount of time we spent just the two of us. We were married for almost four years before we even bought a dog and had that type of a responsibility. Six months later, we chose to take in my cousin's baby and care for her to prevent her from going into the foster care system. Had we chosen to have a family earlier, we would not have been in the financial position to take her in, and who knows what would have happened to her if she would have been put into the system. There are some incredible foster parents out there, but I can tell you story after story of some pretty horrible foster parents as well. If you find out that you are not pregnant, maybe you could look into providing a temporary foster home for babies that are being adopted and need shelter for a couple of nights before being sent to their adoptive parents or something like that. It is an amazing way to get your baby fix, you would not be solely financially responsible, and you would be able to share your love and affection with a child who needs it.
In the event that you find out you are pregnant, CONGRATULATIONS and I wish you the best. If, however, it turns out that you are not, I recommend that you not make a rash decision but instead take your time deciding if you are truly ready. I would recommend sitting down and planning out a budget for you and your husband to determine how much money you can start saving because a strong savings account is a huge asset when a child comes along ... you never know what medical issues may arise, etc. Additionally, you will want to check to see if you have maternity insurance ... a normal vaginal delivery without any problems is at least $2500 depending on the area, and if your insurance does not include maternity insurance, you will be responsible for the delivery, hospitalization, and all of your prenatal care. I know that unplanned pregnancies happen all of the time, but I believe that for those of us who are able to prepare, research, and plan, it is in the child's best interest to do so. Again, I wish you the absolute best in both your decision-making regarding becoming a parent and in regards to the issue of whether you are currently pregnant. I can tell you that I got my first positive home pregnancy test at 11 days past ovulation, but it was VERY light (to the point where it was difficult to read). It gradually increased in color to the point where it was quite dark the day I was due for my period or shortly thereafter. It is a lot less expensive if you can just wait and see if you start your period before testing, but I have always been slightly addicted to peeing on a stick (I am far too impatient to wait it out), so don't feel bad if you give in to the temptation and test early! ;0) Best wishes to you!
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