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i'm pregnent, please help!!!
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i'm pregnent, please help!!!

i'm a 21 year old, and just found out today that i'm pregnent via pragnency kit.i've not been feeling quite well for this pass one week. i've had bile, and stomac discomfort, and i have no appitite in consuming food. i haven't old anyone about it yet, and i don't plan to. i've missed my menstrual for a month now. as i'm in malaysia, i need help from you, without consulting a doctor. is there anything that i can do to stop all this from happening? or is there any medicine for me to consume to flush out my mensis?? please help.....

thank you
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HI SUE FIRST OF ALL WHY WHEREN'T YOU USING PROTECTION?IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BECOME PREGNANT.I AM AGAINST ABORTIONS,SORRY THERE IS A LIFE GROWING IN SIDE OF YOU NOW THAT DEPENDS ON YOU NOW.DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING AN ABORTION,THINK OF THE LIFE YOU HAVE CREATED.GET HELP FROM PARENTING CLASSES IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST CHILD,THEY CAN HELP YOU A LOT.ALL SO WE CAN HELP YOU HERE ON THE WOMENS FORUM.BUT PLEASE DON'T GET AN ABORTION.THERE ARE MANY PROGRAMS OUT THERE THAT CAN HELP YOU.FIND A DOCTOR AND TAKE THE PREGNANCY TEST AGAIN,YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE PREGNANT AND IF YOUR NOT,YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY NO MORE ABOUT IT.BUT FIRST YOU NEED TO GET A REAL PREGNANCY TEST DONE THAT WOULD EITHER BE DONE BY URINE OR BLOOD.POST ME BACK AND I WILL GLADLY TALK SOME MORE WITH YOU AS I KNOW OTHERS WILL ON HERE.TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF.TNT406
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do you live in malaysia or are you there and coming back? why dont you want to go to the dr? you NEED medical care thats for sure but first things first, you need a blood, urine test done to confirm if you are indeed having a baby. you are just very scared right now and dont know what to do. take it slow and dont think how you will make it all go away, think about going for a check up. one step at a time. do you have someone that can go w. you? parent, sister, close friend? how about the guy that helped in this situation? where is he? you are 21. its not like you are 14/15 years old and are able to take responsibility. there are tons of woman dying to have a baby and would give anything to be pregnant. you have options besides making it go away. dont forget, you'll have to live w. that decision.
make an appointment and post back. i know you are scared. i was 34 and scared.
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do you live in malaysia? or are you there and coming back? why dont you want to go to the dr.? they will help you. in addition, they need to do a blood/urine sample to confirm whether/not you are pregnant for sure. you are just very scared right now and dont know what to do. there are tons of woman, men who are dying to get pregnant,have a baby but cannot. you are 21 and im assuming responsible  i mean, its not like you are 14/15 yrs old. take it one step at a time and dont think far down the road right now. just make an appt. first and take it from there. do you have someone, (sister, friend..) you can go w. to the dr? what about the guy that helped in this situation? where is he?? you have lots of options besides "making it go away". you'll have to live w. that decision for the rest of your life and our feelings, beliefs change as we get older. what i mean is, if you have an abortion and not think much of it now, you very well may be against it later and realize you made a mistake and you cannot take it back. my friend had one in high school and she is now 36 regreting it all and cant let it go. she has 5 kids now and i cant help but think she tried somehow to make up for what happened. she runs a daycare and she's a terrific mom but has to live w. that decision she made so many years ago.  please, for now, just go to the dr. i was 34 when i found out i was pregnant and even then i was scared.once it "sinks in" you can deal w. the news a lot better. please post back and let us help ok? however, we cant help you get the care you and baby have to have. its SO important. you need to do that. we can give you advice and support.
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sorry, i had a computer problem and my post origionally got stuck/wasnt there so i had to start again.
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Sue,
If you are pregnant now it is not as easy as just flusing it out. There is a living, growing human baby inside you right now. I feel for you. I am sorry that you got pregnant when you did not want to be. I am sorry that you are not feeling well. I am sorry that you do not feel like you can tell anyone. My first baby was unplanned. I knida know what you are feeling.

However, it is not all about you any more. There are two lives to think about now. There is a little child living in your body. He needs to be there for the next nine months. He needs you. He needs all that you can give him. He is depending on you. You are all that he has right now. Please take this resposibility seriously.

Once this  little guy is born, you have options. Are you going to be in Malaysia when you have the baby? If you want some help, let me know about where you are in Malaysia and I can let you know who you can contact for some help.

PLEASE DO NOT KILL THIS LITTLE BABY JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT READY. YOU CAN GIVE HIM TO ANOTHER FAMILY ONCE HE IS BORN.
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Just a few thoughts, as this topic is highly sensitive. Firstly,
tnt406, this is not a place to tell people what to do based on your beliefs. I respect the fact that you strongly believe in something, which you have every right to do. But it's not fair to judge/criticize someone else based on this, ESPECIALLY without taking into account other factors. I am not pro-abortion, but it's not in my place to impose my beliefs on others.

Sue is obviously scared, and indicates that she is not planning on telling anyone. I am assuming from the post that she is from Malaysia, single, and is scared because of that. Sue, correct me if I'm wrong. Tnt406 and itsme25, you do not appear to have considered that there may be repercussions for her being pregnant in some cultures. It may be that carrying this baby to term and then giving it up for adoption is NOT an option. Not every country is liberal with respect to pre-marital sex and pregnancy. Being myself from (and having lived) in a society where things like 'honour killings' are not uncommon, I have to say I understand how scared she must be. Judging her and instucting her not to get an abortion only makes her feel even more alienated. Worse still, it may drive her to 'backstreet' facilities which may endanger not only the baby's life but hers as well.  

Sue, I know you are scared to tell anyone. But can't you see a doctor privately? They should maintain confidentiality, and I can guarantee you they will have seen many people in your situation. The only thing I can say is PLEASE do not go to unlicenced 'doctors'. They most often operate under poor conditions, and the risk of complications (including systemic infections which can be fatal) and contracting other diseases is high. I know someone who had a secret abortion under unhygienic conditions and she had a massive infection which almost killed her.

I'm not saying you are planning an abortion, but whatever you decide, please make sure it's under the care of a proper physician. And whatever you decide, I hope you're not alone.

Again, for emphasis: WHATEVER YOU DECIDE, PLEASE MAKE SURE IT'S UNDER THE CARE OF A PROPER PHYSICIAN.

All the best,
Blah?
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Sue,
Just don't make a decision to hastily. Think it through. Would you consider talking to someone trained in helping someone in your situation? What part of Malaysia are you from? I'll give you some names and contact information.
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Sue, You can't stop it from happening. That time has past. It has already happened. Please DO NOT consume something in an attempt to rid yourself of an unwanted pregnancy. You could kill yourself as well. There has to be an answer for you that does not include destroying a life.
blah? Where is the right place? When is the right time to try to save a life? And yes she is trying to abort as she requsted info on meds she could consume to start her menses.. Abortion is NEVER the answer. I don't care where you are and what your circumstances, a life is a life! The time for choices is before you lay down.
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"I don't care where you are and what your circumstances, a life is a life!"

Like I said, in some places, a girl can be killed for being pregnant. Is the mother's life not worthy of consideration?Please try and understand some of the differences in cultures before saying something like that.  

"The time for choices is before you lay down"

The person I know was raped. By a family member. No choice there.

Again, I'm not saying I'm pro-abortion, but that is a choice SHE has to make; without being judged. Issues like this are very sensitive. This is supposed to be a medical forum, a place for moral support and some kind of objectivity, not criticism or judgement.    

Sue, as JoAnnaRF said, please don't take anything in the hope it will get rid of the foetus if you are pregnant. Like itsme25 advised, do think the matter through very carefully. I hope there is someone you can confide in, and a doctor who will be discrete and handle the matter with sensitivity whether you decide to keep the baby or not.

Best,
Blah?
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Hey girl, don't take anything that could really hurt yourself. It may not work, and you will still be pregnant. You don't want to do anything "back alley" either, as in 5 years honey, you may want to have a baby then, and if you could screw up your fertility now. Life is about opportunities and consequences.
If you choose to have an abortion, have it safely and quickly. People who wait until 12+ weeks really bug me. We all make mistakes, but please do it before that baby starts moving. You will bleed less, and have less complications.
If you choose not to abort, take folic acid, get some sleep, and look after yourself. See your doc, and make plans to look after the baby, whether it be to keep it, or give it to a family.
Your life is at a crossroads. It is tricky, and bumpy, but make a plan, and stick with it. Be good to yourself, and realize life is a gift-the life of the baby, and most importantly, YOUR LIFE!
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thanks. there was more info. but i tried to get the pieces that we are all talking about.i was interested in knowing what malaysias beliefs about abortion were and what it is like there. i dont know where sue "went"? i know that she must be going through a lot right now and most likely not thinking about this forum but she took the time to post looking for our help so i would think she'd check back with us. i wish she would fill us in. this is a VERY touchy topic with many different beliefs and can get heated quickly. i would like to try to help her if she would let us.
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Ok, to all you people on here that have asked this girl why she wasn't using protection, shut up. You are not helping her to deal with this if you are only trying to make her feel bad. I'm sure she realizes the seriousness of the matter, and she knows how she got here.Back off!
                Now, to you, Sue, I have been there. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and I was scared, too. If you took an at-home preganacy (pregnancy) test, you are AT LEAST 6 weeks along, because at home tests pick up on a particular hormone that is produced during pregnancy,and it is hard to detect this hormone if you are under 6 weeks pregnant. Secondly, I know this is hard, but you have got to tell someone about your pregnancy. It is so important that you get medical help. Maybe you could start with someone you trust well. I told my best friend before anyone. It took me a month to tell my parents. They told me if I didn't have an abortion, they would kick me out of the house. So, they kicked me out.They were mad for awhile, but they got over it and now, they love my sone so much that they get upset if they don't get to see him for a few days. I don't know about the relationship you have with the father, but when I told my boyfriend, he was excited. Abortion for me was not an alternative. My mother had an appointment scheduled for me to have one, and when I thought about what exactly I would be doing, I told her no. I was young, scared, and had the support of only one person, but know, when my son comes to me and Mommy, I love you, I know I made the right decision. If you cannot keep this child, I would reccomend adoption. There are open adoption agencies here in the United States, and they will let you pick your baby's family. Also, they will let you keep in contact with your child, if you want to. Also, in some instances, they will pay for your medical care. Which, by the way, you shouls start feeling better in about 6 weeks. That will be the start of your second trimester, and most of the sickness will pass by then. Other symptoms: breast tenderness,sensitivity to some foods and smells, etc. Talk to a doctor for more information. Good luck!
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Good Luck and God Bless you Sue.  I hope you have a support system in place and we can always help you here on this forum.  PLease think very very carefully about what it is that you are going to do here as the decision will affect the rest of your life one way or the other. YOu have options here.  One being that your baby could be put up for adoption if you are unable or unwilling to raise him/her. YOu need alot of help here from others who love you , please don't make a rash decision.  PLease seek a doctor out as soon as possible.
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it would be nice if you posted back and gave more info regarding your circumstances (family life, the guy, your beliefs etc..) and how you are feeling emotionally now.
again, do you live there or are you visiting?

as far as i know (i did a quick scan) pregnancy in malaysia has few taboos and restrictions placed on the woman. its a normal function of life. i also understand that midwives are with the woman every step of the way. prenantal care begins the 2nd trimester when there is movement. it is then they believe the baby has a soul. hospital delivery is unpopular and most are born at home w. midwife.
also, abortion is only permitted to save the life of the woman or to preserve her health. other than that it is not permitted for rape, fetal impairment, social/economic reasons or simply by request. you can go to jail for up to 7 yrs.
lots of us here are really trying to help you since you posted. help us by letting us know whats going on and we can proceed further.
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kjsk>>Great research and fast too! I just hope that she doesn't think some of us are pushing too hard, just passionate. It is a sensitive subject and difficult to leave out your personal views, so I hope I didn't offend anyone, that was not my intention. I just hope she doesn't take matters into her own hands and hurt herself.
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I don't know if mifepristone (also called RU486, or non-surgical abortion) is legal in Malaysia, but it's definitely an option if so. But no matter what, you do need to see a doctor, and soon. Don't try to do anything yourself; you'll only hurt yourself and your attempts will probably fail. Too many women died from at-home abortions before it became legal in the US. Please, please be careful.

To all the rest, this isn't the time or place for pro-life preaching. It's nice that you feel the way you do, but keep in mind that different people feel otherwise - and are just as entitled to their beliefs as you are.
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Hi Sue

I hope you are okay - I would urge you to find someone to talk to about this locally.  The web is a subjective place ( as can be seen in some of these posts) You don't need just to talk to a Doctor but perhaps a Nurse at a local hospital could advise you and get a proper test done, you may not be pregnant at all - But you need to get the help of a physician or medical person, you need the advice. And you need to be given all the options.  It is not my place to preach, you need to put yourself first.  

There may be a Crisis Pregnancy Agency in Maylasia that will offer help.  I know the circumstances you find yourself in and I hope you can find the help you deserve.  

I also implore you not to listen to the partisan twaddle that some other posters here think is advice.  It is not a place to become personal - you need proper 'one to one' advice - I do hope you get it.

Jane
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i'm really thankful to all of you for your support and suggestions. I live in malysia. as the culture here, we are not allowed to have babies before marraige. especially an indian mid-class family like mine, this baby will only make my whole family go tru disgrace for the rest of our lives. going to a certified doctor is not an isue here. its just that i'm a student and that the cost to consult a doctor is too expensive here in malaysia, and to tell you the truth, i really cannot afford it. which is why i've asked your help so that i could buy this medicine in the pharmacy which would be, i think at a much lower price.

as i've mentioned earlier, telling my parents or friend about it is out of the topic. here, there's a lot of back-stabbing, and since i don't want anyone to know, telling a friend is definately out of the topic as well. and as for the guy who put me in this situation, he seems to not responsiblility against this matter, which leaves me to strugle and solve this matter all by my self. i called him yesterday, and he actually had the guts to say that he is going tru stress and is going for a short vacation with "one of his ex-girls" this really puts me in a lot of pressure. and to come to thunk of it, i'm so happy that now, i got to know that there is someone concern about me.... i thank all of you so much.... thanks a billion....

with lots of love and respect,

-sue1984.
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I dont think its right for anyone to come on here and preach about their beliefs.  She should do what SHE thinks is the right thing to do.  She has to live with whatever decision she makes
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Before you decide to get ride of the baby maybe you should look how the doctors do it it is really sad i am not here to judge you but there are other options like aboption there are alot of people you can not have babys and love to raise it but i know my aunt had one nd she still have nightmares because you will see the baby after it dies and there are several painful ways the dr can do it but the baby will feel it and that is your little baby i got pregnant at 19 and now i have 3 kids under the age 4 and let me tell god knows what he is doing because if it was not for them i might be dead when you are sad they will come up to and but there little baby hands around your face and tell you they love you and it is the most sweetest thing in the world but then again you got to do what you want to do if you want tlk i am here (the life of child is priceless they make you laugh there great in my opion good luck
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HEY SUE EMAIL ME....ILL TALK TO YOU. I have been in the same situation before. Yes i have aborted. But now I have a beautiful 3 month old! I am also only 21....but i have aborted before i want to talk to you....email me  ***@****
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Hi Sue,

Glad to see you back! I know this is very hard for you, and can understand your fear. If the issue is the cost of seeing a doctor and getting proper medical attention, then you have to find a way to get around this. I don't know about chemical abortions, but I think it's unanimous that you can't just go and get one over the counter from a pharmacist. Correct me anyone if I'm wrong here?

Isn't there some way of getting the money? A loan maybe? Or a women's shelter/organization which can help you? You must put your health before anything else at this time, so focus on getting to a doctor. Or a government hospital?  

I'm sorry to hear how the father is reacting. To everyone else here, just a bit of background: in societies like this (including my own), the fault is always on the girl. The fact that it takes 2 to get the job done so to speak is often ignored, and the man's family is not 'put to shame'.

But Sue, it's your health hon, so please take care of youself now so that in the future, you still have it if/when you want to have other children.

Wishing you the best,

Blah?
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Sue,
We all want to help you but it is so hard since you live in another country. We are so accustomed to how things work here in the U.S. and it is a breeze for us to find a local facility that offers help and medical attention with complete privacy. I feel humbled and thankful to have the ease of an accepting and free society.
My main concern is that you don't take something that could harm you. I understand that your family may feel disgrace but maybe you could talk to your mother. She may be able to help you and keep this matter just between the two of you. No matter what life is like in your country or mine, a mother's love for her daughter knows no bounds. She may surprise you and I'm certain she wouldn't want you to take something off the pharmacy shelf. She will do what has to be done to keep you safe and protected. You need someone, and I hope you will give her a try. I would never allow any of my 3 daughters to suffer through something like this alone.
I understand that I have no idea what your relationship with your mother is like, I am simpy hoping that it is possible and can only speak from my heart as a mother of 3 daughters and 2 sons.
No matter what you decide, as you can see, so many people here really do care and want to help, even if all we can do is listen. So please keep in touch and take care of yourself.
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Sue,
You cannot just take someting to get rid of this pregnancy now. You said that you have missed your period for a month now? That means that you are probably 8 weeks pregnant. Read this paragraph abput what your little baby is like at this age:

8 weeks - The unborn child is about half an inch long. The heart has been beating for about 2 weeks now. The little baby has his own blood type now. It is different than yours, most likely. The tiny person is protected by the amnionic sac, filled with fluid. Inside, the child swims and moves gracefully. The arms and legs have lengthened, and fingers can be seen. The toes will develop in the next few days. Brain waves can be measured.

I know people in Malaysia that can help you. I know of churches there that will be glad to offer help. Can you just tell me what part of Malaysia that you are from. I will post some contact information here.

We all want to help you. We feel like our hands are tied though because you are so far away. If you were closer we could help more. You have to help us help you. Don't do anything yet that can hurt yourself.
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Are you near Johor Bahru? There is a church there that can help: Here is their contact information:
They will not judge you - they will just try to help you

  
Holy Light Church
11C Jalan Gertak Merah
Johore Bahru, Johore, 80100
   +6072243285
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so glad you were able to post back. i know things are really terrible for you right now and you sound as if you are alone (not a good spot to be in) however with time, im sure things will be better. everything happens for a reason and you may not know that reason now but soon enough you will figure it all out. i do think you should somehow, somewat let your mom in on whats going on. ya never know how moms react to things. you may think the family will disown you but when faced with the situation, they ususally dont end up doing that. your mom may even suspect something is different/going on w, you so she may end up drawing her own conclusions. moms are good for sensing things. im sorry your guy is taking the road to run (happens here in the u.s.too) but just as you are going through this not knowing what to do, im sure this is his way of dealing w. it. he probably needs time to think. his comment about going w. the ex was probably his way of saying im not going to take responsibility but who knows, he may come around and feel differently. from what i understand in malaysis, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this. you are not the only one to get pregnant w.out being married. 40% of girls your age, educated, middle class, get pregnant and end up going to womans shelters because they dont know what to do. you do have places to go that can help you just need to find one. im just curious, does your culture frown more upon abortion or unwed pregnancies? i think you should try to seek out some help from the church the other poster suggested or a womans shelter (they may even have some names/resources for you).then say something to your mom (alone). maybe you could have this baby privatly somehow. just take things day by day and send us your thoughts. we'll continue to try and help.
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sorry, i forgot to mention that i found a list of resourses for you to possibly go to or call.

www.charitymalaysia.org/woman.htm

you guys really do have lots of contacts and help out there. just takes some looking.
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Sue, I am now 29 years old and from a strict christian family,
when I was 17 I got pregnant, I never believed in abortion but at that age and when faced with facing your parents and society it definately is something that crosses your mind. Well I swallowed my pride and told my parents. My mom reacted well all she did was hug me and tell me that she still loved me the same.
My dad on the other hand didn't react as well. We didn't talk for months he wouldn't even say Hi to me. My daughter is now 11 and beautiful and both of my parents love me and her so much.
I also had a friend who had an abortion shortly after I had my daughter. She thought she was doing the right thing. But for years everytime she seen a child that would be the age of her child she just broke into tears. She said that it was a huge mistake and she wouldn't do that again. About 3 years after having an abortion she go pregnant again, still unmarried and thought of having an abortion because the father said he would have nothing to do with her. She didn't want to go through that alone, I told her I would be there for her. I told her that she wouldn't want that guilt again. I told her that you think you know what love is, But when you have a baby you find out what true love really is. The day she had her baby she said "you were so right I had no idea what love was until I had her." I know that now that I feel guilty for even considering abortion when I look at my beautiful daughter. I know that there is no way I would give her up for anyones social standing. I am praying for you. God Bless.
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I'm 17 years old and found out i am pragnent today by home pragnency testing. I'v been with my boyfriend for 3 weeks and im scared to death, i dont want to tell a single soul, expecilly my family, i swear they will dissown me and its almost embaressing. I know for a fact im not fit to be a mother at this age Although if i have the baby i wont want to give it up. What can anyone tell me about abortions, please be nice, i know its a bad thought but i dunno what else to do.
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Sue,
My heart is breaking for you. I don't have any answers for you, nor can I tell you what to do. You have to search your own heart to find your right direction. itsme25 and kjsk have provided some promising contacts for you. I hope that you can check them out. I'm very aware of your cultural challenges and the intense challenges it adds. I echo the pleads of the others who have posted comments, PLEASE don't do anything that can harm yourself. You are in my heart and prayers. There is a tomorrow.
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Cheers to joanna! this should be cut and pasted throughout.
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You are 17, in a "relationship" for 3 weeks and pregnant. What a difficult path you are on. I get the impression from your post that you are looking for someone to tell you that abortion is an easy way out and that you should just rush right out and get rid of this pregnancy, move on with your life and everything will be great. I'm sorry but I can't do that. I am 35 years old and have 5 children. I have been married to my wonderful husband since I was barely 18 years old and we had our first baby when I was 19. I beg of you to educate yourself about abortion before you have one. It is a life growing inside of you and depending on you to keep him/her safe from harm. And like it or not, it is your instinct to protect your baby. If you try to ignore this instinct and follow through with taking this life, you will have struggles that I can't even describe. The "what if's?" will haunt you for years and just seeing a baby or child that is about the same age that your child "would be" will fill you with guilt. It is not like erasing a mis-spelling on a test paper. This is a baby. Your baby. Abortion cannot be used as a form of birth control.
I know this is hard to hear, and I am sorry that you are going through this, but it is time to grow up. You were old enough to lay down, now it's time to stand up. I know it won't be easy to deal with the disappointment of your friends and family, but this isn't ABOUT them. They will get over it just as soon as they lay eyes on that precious face. Give them a chance to be there for you. They may just surprise you.
Now I hate to do this to you but I feel you should know taht an abortion is painful for your child. The baby has to be killed while in the womb and is killed by the doctor either cutting it into pieces or burning it with chemicals. Then the parts are sucked out and then they are placed into a dish and a nurse has to "put it back together" like a puzzle to make sure the arms and legs etc.. are all there and not left inside you. This is what your baby goes through. Sounds a lot worse than being yelled out by the parents that chose to give you life doesn't it? Believe it or not, I am being gentle. The details I could share are worse than you can imagine, but I have done the research and seen the dead little bodies. Please don't do this to yourself or that precious little baby that has done nothing wrong. He/she needs you and you need to do the right thing. I know it's going to be a tough road but you can do it! There are so many other options, please take the time to consider them all and keep your baby safe. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And everything REALLY does happen for a reason. Take care of you and you baby!
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none, 17 and pregnant... I know you are afraid to tell your family, but, Sweetheart, it's time to go to your mom. She may very well be outraged, hurt and angry, but you are her daughter, and above all else, she loves you. I am a mother of two girls. I know that I wouldn't be dancing on the rooftops at a 17 year old pregnancy, but I would hate worse having them go through it alone.
If for some crazy reason you choose to not go to your family, please go to a consulor before doing anything rash. If you are religous, pray for guidance. You have a lot of options. Check them out before you are haunted with a quick decision and a secret you carry for the rest of your life. Don't carry this news alone. You may be surprised by your support.
Good luck with your choice none.
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