kimbo7602-whats going on with your baby decision

Hey, sorry, not really trying to be in your buisness, I was just wondering if you had decided what you wanted to do about the baby situation? If you dont want to answer, I will understand...I hope you are doing ok.

[kimbo7602]

No don't be silly i went on here for advise, or to talk to some one who is going through the same thing, i have decided to to through with the termination, although i'm not looking forward to it, i really think is for the best, although i have to wait another 3 weeks b4 i get to see someone for the consultation....are you undecided?

[Jenni6485]

Hey Kimbo... A few words for thought okay?
I'm not going to hound or judge you..
To some women, having an abortion has been extreamly devestating to their lives. I have known women that have nightmares, will never forgive themselves, feel empty, and ashamed. It can be such a upsetting experience. I have also known a gal, my best friend infact, who got pregnant at 18, she had no plans of having a baby. Not the mother type. And she went through wtih the abortion. She was 12 weeks, and thought nothing of it. She got over it very quickly because she knew deep down that babies will not be in her life. And its been a few years, and still sticks to it. She dosnt regret a thing.
In a way, I am very proud of my friend because she knew she made the right choice. But if you feel a sence of dissapointment, or any sort of attatchment to that little baby, or even imagining what it may look like, or thinking of the first birthday, then dont go through with it. It will hurt you SO much in the long run.
I mentioned before that I'm 5 months along now, but in the begining life was a mess. I was being hounded to having an abortion, I made the appointment, talked things out with a nurse, and cried for a week. I had nightmares, I had dreams about my baby.. I pictured it being a girl, and a happy bouncing thing, I dreamed about her first birthday, going to kindergarten... I fell inlove with her. I never showed up to that appointment, and it's the best thing I've ever done. Because I KNEW I wouldnt EVER be able to forgive myself. I KNEW that abortion isnt right for me.
So, for your sake, think things through. And if you feel deep down that it's just not right, then dont do it. It's your choice. Dont let your boyfriend pressure you (if he is), because it only hurts more.
Make sure your making the right decision.
<3 Jenni

[micheleB]

I may not have all the facts, but have you ever considered having the baby and giving it up for adoption?  I know so many people who are not able to conceive and would make such wonderful parents and would give that baby an incredible life.

[greenpixie]

I'm sorry that you are having to make what I imagine is an incredibly difficult decision.  I can't even imagine going through that.  I hope that you do get the education and counseling you need in order to go through with this.  I trust that you are making the right decision for yourself, as painful as it may be.

[mandymoo1983]

well said jenni i also no someone who went through with the same thing they ended up going mental and spending some time in a mental home i have a baby and one on the way and they are the best thing that will ever happen to your life.theres no word to describe the type of love you feel for your baby when you here its first cry its first words nothing else matters and also nobody is ever prepared for what to expect all babies cost money and you find some way to get by because love is worht more then money.again like jenni said im not hounding on you id just love you to feel that special conection with your baby best of luck in your desision youll make the right when keep us all posted for a chat anytime.

[Jenni6485]

You said that in a few years you're willing to try again.. Well by then you would have had a 2 year old. 2 years go by REAL fast. Your due around August right? You'll be having the baby during summer vacation, and will have some time to mother it before going back to school. There is daycare assistance, and I'm more than sure that you will qualify for it.
Kim, you say with the support and proper care you will get over just fine.. Yes, thats great and wonderful, but whats going to stop your mind? You will think about every single day, how you laid on that table or took that pill and made your baby go away. But like I said, some women get over it very quickly, like it was the best idea they've ever had, and some think about those little toes, imagine it's a girl, and they thought it was the only way out, but deep down maybe not now, but years from now, feel so guilty it hurts.
I thought of those little toes, and my baby girl, and I couldnt sleep for a week. I just cried because I have this chance to be a mom, and someone wants to take it from me because he dosnt like the situation. Well I said tough cookies.. And when we've watched her on the ultrasound, it's the neatest thing. Yesterday she was sucking her thumb, 3 weeks ago she was waving 'hi' and moving all over the place... Watching her warms my heart because I know that I would have been so empty without her. I know that I would have dreamt of my little girl every day, every night, and feel so guilty because I never gave her the chance to live. She's sooo special to me, and knowing that I thought about killing her, just dosnt seem real.
*goodness I started crying.. this one gets to me. :-)*
I'm not sure if you know this, but couples who have an abortion usually dont last. It's a proven fact. There is so much guilt and fingerpointing on both sides that it takes a turn for the worse. I'm sure he promises that things wont change, and you promise the same, but you cant hide that type of feelings. It hurts.

[kimbo7602]

Hi Ladies, thank you so much for yor thoughts and feeling on the matter, jenni i particualy took notice of what you had to say, because i do think about the future with a baby and i feel in my heart it's going to be a girl even though it's  far to early to determin, i don't so much picture how she will look, but i think about everything else like the cost my current living situation is not ideal everything is just not right for me at the moment, i am still confused i will still go and see the consultant and have a talk to her, but i think i will feel upset when i have it done for a few weeks after then with the proper help and support i will be ok, i just really cant see myself with a baby at this point in my life, my partner and i will have a baby we have talked about it and in a couple of years i think the time will be right for us, just not yet. I am very nervous about the whole procedure and i will say i am not looking forward to it, but my boyfriend will be there every step of the way..... i just hope i don't end up resenting him when it's over and done with.

[JoAnnaRF]

Jenni was so articulate and KNOWS what she is talking about. She went thru the same struggles and is now one of the strongest women on this board.
kimbo, PLEASE educate yourself before you go in for the consult. They will not explain the risks such as increasing your chances of Cancer in the future or the emotional turmoil you will certainly suffer for longer than just a few weeks. Learn WHAT an abortion is. How it is performed. What exactly will happen to your baby. Did you know that after the "procedure", a nurse will have to reassemble your baby in a dish, making sure all arms and legs are accounted for to insure that nothing was left behind that may cause an infection? This is a fact that most women choose to not think about. NOT thinking about the specifics makes it easier for women to abort. It should NOT be easy. In any way. It should be impossible, and I believe if you had all the facts, it would be impossible to take the life of your own child. You say that you and your BF/DH just aren't ready right now, but in a few years you will be and will have children then. How sad that this baby has to suffer because you failed to protect yourself and are just not ready... In my opinion, if you aren't ready, then keep your clothes on or protect yourself as pregnancy is ALWAYS possible when you have sex, protected or not. SO MANY WOMEN pray to conceive and cannot, and you are just going to dispose of this baby and then get pregnant again when it is more convenient for you? That is truly selfish.
I know some on here will be angry at my opinion and bluntness, but you will not hear me apologize for my love. My hope is that it makes you THINK and like I pled earlier, RESEARCH. Look at pictures of aborted babies. The pictures will show you what you will be doing to your son or daughter. And if you do still decide to abort, it will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will always wonder What IF? Was it a baby girl. Blonde hair? Picture that first birthday cake smeared all over that giggling little face. Slurping spaghetti for the first time. First wobbily steps. First day of kindergarten with that little bookbag. Getting her driver's liscense. Her first kiss. Her college graduation. Her wedding. Her first baby. Your grandchild. And you will erase ALL of those memories, the life she will NEVER have. The life you will NEVER have. Erasing it all in one afternoon spent in a clinic with her daddy holding your hand. Be her MOTHER. Protect her and save her life. It is not yours to take. PLEASE think about what you are doing. Don't think about your BF, your mother, your neighbor, or yourself! Think about that baby. She has a face, a heart, a life. You will NEVER get over taking her life from her. I'm sure you have heard women say that they DO regret having abortions, that it haunts their dreams, but have you EVER heard ANYONE say they regret choosing to NOT have an abortion? I PROMISE you will NEVER regret giving this baby a chance, a life, the life that you have already given.But I also PROMISE that you will regret it if you have an abortion, as you should.

[kimbo7602]

Thanks everyone for your comments and opinions, I have educated myself with what happens when you have an abortion and it dosent have to be an operation, there are other ways which is less traumatic, to the embryo and myself, however i am going to have the operation because i would rather not know anything about it. I have read and taken on everyone's opinions, but at the end of day it is MY decision and nobody elses. And opting for an abortin is'nt selfish it's sensible.

[Jenni6485]

I dont want to hound you... I just hope that everything will work out well. You're an adult, and you can make important decisions on your own.
I sort of let my heart get into it, and I know I should have left it out...
If you do go through with the termination, I really hope that you're okay.. I'll be worried about you. And I really do hope that your relationship wont unravel. :-)
But if you decide not to, there are so many ways to make it work out, and let be you able to finish school and provide a good life.
I'll be here if you need me (even know I am just a person on the other side of your computer), but you know where to find me if you want to.
Good luck with everything, and let me know you're okay, if not by posting a new thred, just add to this one, I'll check up on it. :-)
<3 Jen

[mandymoo1983]

just give up ladies shes obviously made up here mind she came on this bored for advice then just snapped joannarfs head off.she will learn the hard way i dont care what anyone will say abortion is murder maybe someone like this does not deserve a baby to have the nerve to say she will have a baby in a couple of years.also do you no having an abortion can make you sterile and or make it very hard to conceive ever again hope not ay maybe you should get all the facts befor you do it!!!

[Jenni6485]

I really hope that this thred dosnt get nasty, because a few of you arnt being very nice. You are entitled to your own opinion, but by saying what you said dosnt need to be posted on here.
Things happen in life that we're not ready for, and thats why we are given options. Nobody can take those options away from us, it's our right. And nothing you can do or say is going to change the world, or the decision of someone who has already made up their mind.

She is well aware of the risks, and certainly knows what shes getting into. All we can do is offer our advice, personal experiences, positivity, and supprt. Dont be pecimists here.
This forum shouldnt be involve badgering, or being harsh, it should be more for support, and advice, what its intended on. It's not called 'medHELP' for nothing. Help on decision making, help on advice, help on some support that involve medical related issues, or life in general. Some choose to stay, and some leave because they wernt satisfied with the 'help' they recieved.

All political, biblical, and personal beliefs are to be set aside to the point of offence. Nobody likes being offended, and if you involve those beliefs on a PUBLIC forum, its only going to cause trouble and butt heads with someone. There are boundries here.. they're not in black and white, but everyone knows the meaning of the word *respect*, and that is what each and every one of us individuals deserve. We all respect that you have your own views, but you dont go pushing them on somebody else.. You get nowhere, just a bad mood.

I have seen so many girls getting beat up on here, and I have been one of them.. Its no fun being on that end of the computer screen. I stay on here to give good advice, something that is worth reading (and get advice). I did put my heart into it on this subject, but not in a bad way.. My daughter means the world to me and it gets me all mushy inside, I appologise for that. But rudness isnt accepted, and nobody wants to read about it.
I understand what she's going through.. Its a fork in the road... Shes in college, on her way to being a successful woman. And she dosnt want to miss out on those opportunities. If its going to better her future, make her a better person, and provide a better life in the long run, then so be it. She sees the big picture, it's her reality. :-)
Even know she will probably never come on here again because it seems full of finger pointing and rudeness.. (and emotional preggos like me)lol. But I support her. And if she does decide to come on here again for advice, or updates, dont point your finger. You'll have 3 more pointing back at you. Nobody has the right to pass judment on another, it's not your place.
Gosh I talk alot, just go on and on and on and on...... Been typing for an hour now... So it's time to go.
So, be nice, not only on this thred, but the others to come.
Goodnight
Jen

[mandymoo1983]

thats right advice dont ask for it then slap it in someones face.

[JoAnnaRF]

It is not only my opinion, but a fact that abortion would never be necessary if people would think before they act. Pregnancy is ALWAYS a risk. A possibility. He could be wearing a condom, she's on the pill, and toss in the Rythm method.. If you have sex you COULD become pregnant. You don't have sex with anyone you aren't willing to have a child with. And know that EVERYTIME you lay down, you are taking a chance. Maybe a VERY small chance, but a chance none the least.
My posting here is not intended to bite anyones head off or be disrepectful. I do however have respect for life and none for the taking of life. I do not appreciate being asked for help in making such a decision, when it is clearly unwanted. She wanted to justify her her decision which she obviosly already made up her mind beforehand, and have everyone tell her that it is her choice and that all would be fine. I cannot do that. I feel very strongly about a babies rights to live and breath and not have their life snatched from the womb. That is the reality of it. You can sugarcoat it all you want. Call it an "operation", but it is what it is. Kimbo said herself that she doesn't want to think about it. That is simply closing your eyes while you pull the trigger. The outcome is the same, weather you choose to see it or not. I am not only concerned for the wellbeing of her unborn baby, but her a well. This WILL affect her. I don't care how hard she tries to deny it, it will haunt her. Not to mention the possible physical repercussions. There is just NOTHING positive to see in having an abortion. It benefits no one.
Jenni>> You are adorable. You and your baby toes references. I remember back when you were contemplating abortion and I kept telling you to think of those little baby toes. Glad to see it stuck. And I feel that if there is an inkling of a chance that she will one day be posting about being 5 months along, crying at the thought of seeing her baby sucking it's thumb and waving during the U/S, then I have to try. Jenni, you and I disagree about abortion, and that is okay. I can agree to disagree. I have so much respect for you and feel that you speak not only from your heart but also have educated opinions. I know that my words can be harsh. I am a mom and know that sometimes that is the only way to get thru sometimes. I don't mean to be mean, that is never my intention. And I will be very curious to hear your opionion on abortion in June after that baby girl is born. Let me just tell you, it is the BIGGEST, most astounding thing you will EVER do. And you will have this feeling like no one in the world could do what you just did. It is very impowering as you see the true miracle looking up at you with that wrinkled little face and have them squeeze your finger with their tiny little hands. You are no the same person that forst came to this board and I suspect that IF you find time to post after she arrives, we will see even more changes in you. You will be a Mommy. And I am so proud of you! Please know that. Even if we disagee I have so much repect for you. And am so excited for you.
--J

[Jenni6485]

Hey nerd, you signed my guestbook, said to email you, but didnt leave your addy! :-)

I get what you're saying, so I'm going to leave it at that. :-) I dont want to continue this thred any longer, someone is going to get PO'd.
So leave your addy and we'll talk later. :-)

[kimbo7602]

hello. I know everyone HATES me on here and i am so sorry for bringing this into your lives, i live in the UK and it's not that easy i'm only 22 years old but i am glad that i got in touch i do respect each and every one of you, but my mind wasnt made up when i came on here but it is now, i can't possibly bring a baby into this world, PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND my heart is broken already whithout the harsh comments if you dont agree with what i'm doing then dont pass judgement, if you have never experianced what i am feeling or what i'm going through then you can never know why i'm doing what i'm doing, 160.000 people in the uk had an abortion last year, i do know the risks (if i fall pregnang again the chances of miscarrage (miscarriage) are greater) and my partner and i was on contriception so me just laying back and enjoying the ride was nothing to with it, WE did'nt want a baby at this moment in time this is why we were taking precautions,

I think all of you are stars even thought you HATE me, but thank you everyone, for reading my comments and letting me know how you feel (even though they made me cry a few times) JUST for being so blunt but if thats how feel, i am not going to say anything more, I will keep some of you posted if you want. if not i understand. THANK YOU EVERYONE

[oceans3]

no one here hates. its all care and concern if you can see that at all. you sound so torn, heartbroken, lonely, sad. totally understandable. please keep posting.please email those who have given you their address (like jenni). she's been there and was going to abort. she was in your shoes! she waited a bit and changed her mind. you have TOTAL support from people you dont even know. keep thinking. when is that appt?

[MandaJo111]

We do not at all hate you.  I promise you that.  

We all tend to get emotional on here.  So many of the women on here are desperate to have babies, and the thought of someone letting one go breaks our hearts.  

Yes, I wish you would make a different decision or at least consider adoption, but it is your choice.  You came here for help, and I hope you have found some.  I am sure you have thought it all through and have made the best decision for you at this time.  

I sincerely wish you the best.  It is going to be a rough road for you -- as you have said.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  I am very worried about what you are soon to go through.

If you need to chat, please come back.  I am sure you will need to talk more after everything is over.  

I still wish you would reconsider, but I respect your decision.

Take care,

Amanda

[JoAnnaRF]

Please know that I do not hate you. Like I said, I love life and I am very worried about you. My words were harsh, I can be a bully when it comes to abortion, I know this and I do apologize for making you think that I hate you. This couldn't be further from the truth. I will never change how I feel and I do wish you'd change our mind, but repeating myself won't help you. So maybe listening will. Please feel free to continue writing and I will give listening a try. Perhaps we can both learn something.
I look forward to seeing more from you so please keep us posted.
--J

[lindseyann]

I stumbled upon this forum by accident and I want to tell you my story kimbo.  I had an abortion when I was 16 years old.  I am now 27.  I can tell you first hand that not a day goes by that I don't think about my baby.  The hurt and sadness only gets better by God's grace.  I beg you to please re-consider.  You think that you are taking the easy way out and that you'll forget it, but YOU WON'T!  It hit me hard when I had my first daughter 5 years later.  I looked at her and didn't think that I deserved to have such a precious child.  I had panic attacks and severe depression because it was then that I realized what I had done.  Please consider adoption at least, but I promise you that no circumstances are going to be right for a child and God will make a way for you and your baby.  You will be blessed if you make the right decision.  I'm not here to bad mouth you because I have been in your situation and I hurt for you.  I wish you the best of luck

[Jenni6485]

I'm getting all teary eyed... (emotional preggo)
Kimbo... hun, nobody hates you. Some feel very strongly about this and it hurts THEM knowing that you're going to do this and there isnt a thing we can do about it. The lady above me (forgot the name) has a great message. She went through it, and 11 years later she cant forget.
My aunt had a brain tumor and then found out she was pregnant. She had to have an abortion (for medical reasons) because the baby would have killed her.. It's a risk alone performing brain surgery, and being pregnant? But even know IT WASNT HER FAULT not a single day goes by that she dosnt think of that unbborn baby.
Most of us arnt here to bash you, but you get a public forum you're bound to get a few mean ones... We are just trying to protect you. You're 22, live in the UK, in college with a boyfriend... Your situation sounds hard with raising a baby and all. But please keep this in mind... *If you think about that little baby at all, if you wonder about *her*, if you picture the future even a little bit, you will never forgive yourself.*
The days are running out, and your appointment will be here before you know it... I wish you the best... and hope that everything will be okay, either way.
Goodluck hun....

[Perroni]

If women
Aren't ready for a baby in there life then they should keep there legs closed or
Use birth control. That child you are carrying
Has no fault in what you
And you partner did!!