post rape life...

[Laurka]

i was raped when i was 16 by a stranger..and he was the first man (and never told that to anyone, until now.. because back then my family was alive and they are from a very strong muslim background, and finding out that their daughter is not a virgin any more, would have been such a disaster)...

I am 25 years old independent career woman, working and living in the UK...and sometimes i question my sexual drive.. heard a lot of stories and how the rape affects women e.g. women prefer it rough.. so on so forth..

I sometimes during the sex if i am not enjoying it all of a sudden... I start thinking that he is using me! That he is just ****ing me... and straight away i just want to cuddle up and hide... do you think this is because of the rape?

[nanis]

Awww,thanks for sharing I know its hard.& for you to let us know that really means alot!You sound like you are a very strong,independant woman.I know what you mean after you are sexually violated it is hard for you to et close to your partner.Have you sought out help,like counceling?You have kept it in too long & sometimes talking about it can make you feel better.I commend you in taking the first step in talking about it & know you will have great advice & many woman with warm hearts.Hope you feel better((hugs))..nanis

[pertykitty]

when i was 15 my virginity was lost to a boy that didnt know what no meant. for some time after i had sex with boyfriends because i thought i was supposed to. i never enjoyed it. i even freaked out at times just by the way they touched me or i just had to get out of that situation. i did talk about it in therapy (was going anyway lol). today i am not bothered by it. my sex life is great. i do suggest finding a therapist that has experience with rape cases. you will get there, you just need a bit of help. sorry this happened, i didnt tell my family until a few years ago. i was ashamed that it happened, i felt it was my fault. good luck in your finding your way, its great you are reaching out and trying to work it out.

[lawgirl17]

Absolutley. I was raped as well (mine was because I was drugged, so I was passed out by the time it happened), but I would really freak out (esp. when I was just hanging out with people and someone would pin me down to tickle me ... I couldn't handle it ... I would just snap). I think that so many things can be related to the rape (i.e. sex drive, feeling used, feeling dirty, feeling unworthy, low self-confidence, and many other things).

I am so sorry that this happened to you ... time will never take away the hurt completely, but it does help you to deal with things in a more healthy manner. My personal recommendation is that if you are feeling this way, you should consider abstaining from sex and seek counseling. I am not sure how it is in the UK, but I know in America, a lot of employers cover the cost of 5 or so counseling sessions. I definitely think this would be in your best interest. Best wishes to you!