question..hopefully you're on my side!!

[oceans3]

hello all,
my husband and i were just having a "discussion."
i noticed he was losing some weight (does NOT need to) and his upper arms look like he did when we were dating..like puberty. he is a few mo's shy of 40.
i honestly felt as if MY upper arms were bigger (if not the same size) as his. so i got out the measuring tape. mine were ONLY 2 inches smaller than his!!! i feel SO masculine. trust me, they are far from tone just "thick" the rest of me is okay except....
i have been self-conscious about my upper back. it just seems so wide!! i brought that up too and sort of "defending" myself saying my wide back is due to carrying around a baby for 9 mo. you know like the hips widen? so why not the back? he is not buying it. do i have a defense here or should i just admit i am part woman part man?  i told him i cant do anything to make them smaller. can i? how can a wide back become smaller?

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, honey, why can't you two be fighting about money or his interfering mother, like everyone else?  LOL

In pregnancy, the cartilage all over your body gets softer, and the hips do widen, and probably the ribs spread some too.  Your body is storing extra weight everywhere, tucking it into your inside arms, your thighs, your neck, probably in between your toes.  This is our evolutionary mandate; our bodies do this so we will be able to feed a baby and not to starve while doing it.  It won't all fall away until after you are done nursing, though a lot will.

[oceans3]

yeah, dont worry.. we argue about all that too..and more.
the sad thing from your post is, i didnt just have a baby. she is almost 5!! years, that is. so i guess if it all hasnt "fallen off" yet, its not happinin'
thank you for answering!

[Red_Rose]

aww oceans! Has your back always been this way? Everyone has different builds I was looking at someone as I was walking thinking about that actually and wondering if the weight she was was due to her structure?! Having a wide back or a narrow back dont add or take away from ur personality and you should remind him of that. Men can be sooo mean! If he brings it up again just ignore him and think of something witty and not too rude to shut him up.

Everybody has something they are not happy with, when I say to hubby I wish myboobs were bigger he says would u rather bigger boobs but not ur beautiful face! Point out to him the parts you love about urself to divert from that area, and Im sure there'll be something else ul argue over in a bit! (always is aint there!)

[mslkpage]

I had a roomate in college that was so tall with the longest legs I'd ever seen on a girl. I was so jealous. Surprisingly, she was jealous of me. I'm only 5'4 and to her, I was this tiny, petite thing. I remember her saying the same thing about her back. Either I didn't see it because I'm too short, or she was worrying for nothing.

No matter how hard I work out, or how lean I get, I will always be bottom heavy (even at 110, I have a ghetto booty). I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you're not some transexual linebacker, but you are just you.

[oceans3]

ya know the truth...you guys brought tears to my eyes. i tried to hold back because we are on our way out the door to go out to eat. i guess you are right and i thought about it afterwards... a lot of people have so much more to worry about and i felt selfish for writing. i felt superficial. i guess i was looking for an "excuse" as to why my arms are big and my back is so wide. i tried to say it was because of a baby and thats the way it is.... but i am embarrassed. thats what it boils down to. geeze, i have been with him for over 20 yrs and the worrying/self-consciousness never ends. my "hub bub" would never say anything about me or what i am self conscious of..i am always the one to bring it up...he knows better...ha ha. i just noticed the width of my back about a yr ago. my sister and i have just about the same build...mom too so i assume its genetics. boo hoo. i think i just want hubby to see that its not my "fault" and due to childbirth. im always lookin' for an excuse!!! LOL!! thank you two!

[mslkpage]

Yes, my sister is built like me, but she's even shorter. So when she carries excess weight, her butt looks even bigger!! It's genetics. Although diet and exercise can help balance our bodies, we can only change so much. I'm sure you look just fine, though!

[oceans3]

yeah...i'm hot! heh, heh!
you are right, no one is ever happy with what they have.
shake that booty!!!

[glad2bamom]

Oceans--you're cracking me up.
You're not a big girl at all, we women just aren't happy with what we got.  I myself have the junk in the trunk, in addition to the little fun parts that hang over the back of my bra.  I especially love the fact that I can look like a "brick house" in a pair of blue jeans, but when the lights go down, and the jeans come off, I look like a house made of wet, white plaster that is drooping and sagging...puckering in all the wrong places.

Live it up, girlfriend.  DH loves you just the way you are...
My DH is 6'2, but SKINNY and I weigh almost as much as he does.  How's that for symmetry?

And you know, once you've had a baby, you can always fall back on "baby weight" even though E is almost 5.  K is 10 and I still haven't lost my "paunch" from her.  Things never go back.

(the tune to Brick House is running through my head....)

You're gorgeous, and you need to wear halter tops, bikinis, and go to nude beaches.

Love you girl.