if you cannot find your clitoris you might have a condition called phimosis and clitoral unhooding/circumcision can fix this.
some women only once,some more than once.yes,you should be able to orgasm alone.the clitoris is located above your vaginal opening in between your foreskin/clitoral hood/prepuce and your vaginal opening.
http://www.infosex.com/clit-parts.htm