worried i may have harmed my unborn baby

[MAMAKAY]

thanks for giving us the opurtunity to ask question on this site ,my last mesturation is on 19th of march ,i have done the pregnacy test and is possitive but am concern because even though i have never use drug of anything acholic before in my life but when i missed my period i got scared because i already have four kids for my husband and we have been seperated for two years going through divorced but is not final yet and i acted so stupid i took a full bottle of dry gin to see if my mesturation will come but it did not even though i see a very tiny bit of blood for like two days  but i started feeling sick  and i took the test and find out it possitive ,now i feel like killing myself am now worried of having an abortion at the same time am worriedx of having a baby with disability ,what do i do what are my chances ,am from Africa i dont have anyone here to turn to ,and am really desperate for help please be honest with me i dont know what to do
My other question is that i slept with my husband at the same time i slept with my new boyfriend i want to know if there is any DNA that can determine who the dad i before the baby was born please i know i acted stupidly but i need help,hepl me if not because of me but for this inocent baby please i want to know my chances before i decide on abortion
thanks waiting for your help
confused pregnant lady from USA

[MAMAKAY]

i cant just believed how suportive you guys are ,you are a life savior ,thanks you all for finding time to help me with my stupid mistake,thanks u for been there when i think i have no one ,thanks for been so dear thanks for been a friend ,thanks for been a family i did not have ,thanks for been my all in all my secret friend,thanks for sharing my load of problem,i loved you all i will always keep you informed of every thing till i found a way out .THANKS YOU ALL FOR YOUR HONESTY AND LOVE BYE FOR NOW

[jewels8888]

if you did not know you were pregnant when you took the gin.. dont blame yourself. a lot of women dont even know they are pregnant at first.
with my first child i did not know i was pregnant when i went to a friends wedding and drank plenty of wine.. 3 weeks later i had a pregnancy test done because my periods were late and i was pregnant. my daughter is now 9yrs old strong and healthy.
good luck

[Jenni6485]

You said that you're scared of having a baby with someone that you're not sure that he will be with you forever... But you have already had 4 children with a man that you are now in a divorce with.. Your intentions were to stay togather forever, but the outcome is different.
So, with that experience, does it honestly make this new situation any different?
Relationships are a toss up, especially when they start off. You never know what's around the corner. Alot of times, a baby is a product of a new relationship... My boyfriend and I were togather 9 months before I got pregnant... I know for a fact that we arnt going to be togather forever, but we're having a baby and we will ALWAYS and forever have a 'relationship'.. not necessarily meaning romantic or sexual, but an understanding because our baby comes first, and to see us fight will make her hurt.
You dont have to be with a man forever because you're pregnant, and you dont have to get rid of the baby for fear of not being togather forever. Babies are happy little things as long as they get the attention, love, and space they need to grow. It's the same thing with raising your other 4; with the divorce, they need LOTS of attention... divorce can destroy a child..
Ofcourse you are nobodys 'baby maker'.. But it's here now, and it's something you need to deal with. You're not a bad person for truely not knowing, but you have a good idea and that's enough to keep you sane. :-)
For my situation, even know I am positive it's my boyfriends, a doubt still stands. And I am going to end up being a single mom dispite who the dad is.. I feel awful for being 20, pregnant, and unmarried.. but hey, that's how the cookie crumbles... The way I feel isnt going to last forever, life will go on and there will be new obsticles to tackel. I'll just have some company on the way. :-)
I hope you're doing alright, I've been thinking about you alot.

[MAMAKAY]

i thanks everyone for your help ,thanks jenni6485 for your honesty ,it makes me know that am not alone yes my friend try to pull out allthe time and i have a feeling that the baby belong to my husband but i dont want to be too sure because sometimes you cant really tell,yes our divorce is going nasty before but i decide to take it cool for the kids and am stupid enough for alowing him back in my bed ,he is the one that want this divorce not me and sometimes i feel like he is using me just for sex ,because if i want divorce ,why should i have to give him sex wothout comitmentam stupid and am doing it to myself,that is why i choos eto hAve this boyfriend,my boyfriend it a very very nice guy if i told him he will want me to keep the baby because he really want baby but you can tell how everything will turn out latter onand am scared to have baby for a guy that will not be with me for ever and at the same time nothing is guarante in life ,i dont want to be anybodys baby maker it painfull

[ateague]

jenni6485 absolutely knows what you're going through, she went through it here online and we all helped her cope.  If your boyfriend does pull out all the time, then the chances of it being your husband's baby is higher.  You're going through a very difficult time in your life and I know it can be hard enough going through a divorce let alone with a new pregnancy being thrown in there.  And no, you are no one's baby maker, but you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions and unfortunately, this is a hard one to make.  It may not have been the best decision to let your husband back in your bed, but it happened and now we have to think about the baby that has been produced.  Would it really matter who the baby's father is?  I mean, if it turned out to be your boyfriend's baby, would you want to keep it?  Or would you kill it if it were your husbands?  Those are some questions you need to think about before you make that final decision, only you are going to be able to decide the future of this pregnancy.  And I still urge you to think about giving the baby up for adoption, I just know so many people out there desperate to have their own child that would love your baby and take such wonderful care of it.

[AnnJ]

Alcohol doesn't generally cause miscarriage. It can cause fetal alcohol syndrome (with deformities) or fetal alcohol effects (with learning disabilities). Oftentimes, drinking while pregnant causes problems that may not arise until the child begins grade school and parents and teachers notice he or she learns much slower than his or her peers. The children usually look perfectly normal.
These problems mostly occur when the mother is a heavy drinker on a regular basis, or an alcoholic. Though it is doubtful that one bout of heavy drinking could seriously harm your fetus, it is unknown. It has not been determined how much drinking causes fetal alcohol effects. It would be best if you spoke with an ob-gyn. Obstetric doctors can provide you with the best information on protecting your fetus.
Please don't drink any more alcohol. Have you considered giving this child up for adoption? I know it's a very dificult decision, but it's a much more rational route than a bottle of gin.

[JJety]

1)  No one can say for sure if your one-time alcohol use will affect your baby, although I personally am doubtful that it harmed your baby.  Like AnnJ said, most Fetal Alchohol Syndrome children are from mothers who drank often.  While I would never recommend it, a pg mother can supposedly drink 1 glass of wine per week while pg and will not harm the baby.  You should definitely discuss this with your doctor.
2)  Yes, there is a way to determine the paternity of the child before it is born - it is called an amniocentesis.  However, I'm not sure if you will find a doctor that is willing to perform an amnio for the sole purpose of determining the paternity.  There are risks involved with an amnio and I'm not sure if paternity is a good enough reason for some doctors.  Only your doctor can answer this question for you.
3)  Also, as AnnJ said, another alternative to abortion is adoption.  You definitely need to research your abortion/adoption options further so you know all the facts.  

I hope this helps!  I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation; I feel for you.  Good luck to you!!

[Jenni6485]

I am doubtful that the alcohol you consumed has any affect on the baby. The bleeding you experienced was probably implantation bleeding. It's pink/brownish and happens about 5 to 6 days after conception.
With determining who fathered your child, it's hard to say. There is a fetal DNA test that can be done before the baby is born. It runs at about $2,000 from what I know of. It's very similar to an amniocentisis (spelling)
I dont know what your situation with your new boyfriend is, obviousely your going through a divorce and a new baby could change things dirastically dispite who the father is.
You will question yourself every single day, and drive youself crazy not knowing. If you want to keep this baby, then explain to your boyfriend that there is a possibility that it isnt his. And do the same with your husband. The best thing is to be open and honest about this.
It's a hard situation to be in, I'm currently in something similar, and I'm due in 4 weeks.
It's not easy not knowing for sure who the father is... But it's nice to know that the baby growing inside you is without-a-doubt, yours and nothing can change that. :-)
This is my first, for you it would be your 5th... Dispite the number, it's still a baby.
I also thought about abortion... I didnt sleep for days, just cried and cried. Deep down, I didnt want to kill her, and I knew that if I were to have an abortion, that I would never forgive myself. Some women can get over it, no big deal... But then some can't. Some feel empty, guilty, lonely, depressed, and will need therapy for a long time. I knew I would be one of those women... I cant imagine killing a baby over my selfishness from being irresponsible.
It's a big decision, and I know you really care about your unborn baby. If you didnt care, then you wouldnt be asking for help.. you would have already had your mind made, and making the appointment.
I wish the best for you...
Keep us posted.

[MAMAKAY]

thanks evryone for the information but this may sound stupid but i dont know how to calculate when i am ovulate so if i had my period starting on 19th of march when did u think i will start to ovulate,because,i had sex on 31stof march and  ,ist of Apirl with my new boy friend and i had sex with my husband after maybe between 2nd and 5th am not sure so can u please be able to determimine who bby it may be with this information,i understand my question is stupid and strenge but i just dont know anything about sex and period ;like i should evn with four kids i married very young because i was pregnant and now am in the same mess please help

[JJety]

No, it's not a stupid question.  Unfortunately, given your dates, we cannot help you.

A woman generally will ovulate approximately 14 days after the start of her period.  So, with a period start date of March 19th, then you would have been fertile starting around March 29th (+/-) and ovulated somewhere around April 2nd (+/-).  Now, after the fact, there is no way to know the exact date for sure.  

The uncertainty of your ovulation date, in addition to the fact that sperm can live inside your body for about 3 days after sex, makes it impossible for anyone to calculate who the father is.  By having sex with them both during your fertile time they have equal chances of being the father (unless one of them has a sperm deficiency or something odd like that).

Only a DNA test will tell.  I'm sorry.  I hope you get things worked out.

[luv_babies]

How long are your cycles usually??

[Jenni6485]

... I'm wondering, did you use any form of birth control with the two? Did either of them pull out, use a condom?
.... I dont mean to butt in, but do you think your husband might have tried to get you pregnant to save your marriage?
Your going througha a divorce, but it dosnt seem that bad since you two are still having relations.
Usually with divorces, the couple can't stand eachother, things get real nasty especially when children are involved, so that's why I ask.

[ateague]

You would only be 5-6 weeks pregnant when you drank the bottle of gin, and alot of women aren't aware they are pregnant until way after that eventhough they still party and drink heavily.  They usually have healthy babies, and the body is now in a mode to protect the baby at all costs, so I'd say your baby should be fine.  Most doctors do amniocentesis for the sole purpose of birth defects for women having children later in life.  I don't know how the doctors would feel doing this procedure for paternity test over in Africa, but they won't do it for that here in the States.  Did you have sex with both men on the same day, or was there a couple of days between?  Determining when you had sex with them and when you ovulated, you might be able to get a better idea of who the father is, but if you're not ready for another baby regardless of the father, you might consider adoption.  There are so many couples out there that want children than can't have them on their own and would love your baby in their life.  I urge to talk to your doctor and possibly an adoption agency about your options.  There are so many other alternatives other than abortion, I hope you research every one of them before you make a decision.

[2songbirds]

I'm not really sure on what to say, but there's a different kind of forum that might be able to help you. It's www.safehavenministries.com. It deals with people who have had abortions and those who are trying to decide what to do. They are very helpful and are not judgemental.