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Childless by Choice
Just wondering if I'm alone in this choice? I know so many women who wish to be able to have a child and for whatever reason can't and what they go through daily, but I often feel alone having the opposite approach in mind. I'm 30 yrs old and absolutely love children. I work in a preschool setting and have been employed as such for nearly a decade. I am the oldest of 5 and have many nieces and nephews as well as well as friends with children. I just have never felt a strong calling to be a mother myself. I look at the world today how it stands and I don't feel its fair to bring a child into the world as it stands, it feels cruel to me. I know this is a morbid take, but I had to put it out there, some people assume or feel its a selfish choice we have made, maybe that there is a dislike of children or the responsibility that accompanies it, but that is not at all the case. I just don't want my child to spend a lifetime suffering in a world that is slowly falling apart. I'm wondering if I am alone in this as a woman. Lately my family has been pushing my age card and pointing out that my biological clock is ticking, that I may one day regret my choice if I am not soon to act on it, but I don't feel at all that is true. I have nothing I feel is missing and my partner and I have discussed this often and he too shares my views. (Please don't mistake it though, if a child were to present itself into our world I have no doubt we would both love and accept the child as any anxious parent would. I would not go to any lengths to rid myself of a baby should it happen and instead would love and provide for him/her with the same unconditional love and care the rest of the maternal world shares. I am not lacking maternal instinct, this is merely a choice I have made.) We are happy as we stand and do not feel a child is what is in the cards for us. Are we being selfish? Is there something wrong with us? 'Non-human', as someone recently stated? We are both very compassionate, family-minded people who feel 'family' is not exclusive to the number of children we have. Just posting to vent and to see if I am alone in my thought. Thanks for reading!
I think you are just got tired of children at this moment, you were always surrounding by kids since you were little, especially of being the oldest of 5 ., and I bet your sisters and brothers, and now your nieces and nephews are making you crazy with their behaviour. May be you are the "quite" type of person and having kids running around and yelling drive you nuts and you can't stand of having another your own.
You still 30 now, live away from any children if you can , find another job, try this for 10 years may be and see how you feel . You still have time .
Having your own children is a different feeling of having sibbling or nephew. You should not miss it
Good luck
You still 30 now, live away from any children if you can , find another job, try this for 10 years may be and see how you feel . You still have time .
Having your own children is a different feeling of having sibbling or nephew. You should not miss it
Good luck
Well, I believe you when you say you have a maternal instinct. I would hope that's what drives a good many professional teachers. Also, i do believe that you could and would provide a child, should it happen, with the same loving maternal instinct of any good parent. I believe you and understand you, when you say it is the complex state of this world, that stops you from having children and I can appreciate that. There are so many children, maybe with a different colored skin, that desperately need parents .And there are many parent's that are selfishly making more children, rather than to help those that are starving or being abused. I think your maternal instinct is serving you well. In every child's life it is imperative for them to have contact with a number of adults outside their family of origin, in order for them to develop their character, and I think your one of those incredible maternal souls who provides them with love and humanity they so desperately need to see outside of their nuclear family. Great Post. Much love to your family. .
As a mother of three kids, I actually think selfishness is the motivation to have children. There is a desire to recreate one's self for future generations, and a desire to be immortal. The desire to have children is to create a better "you", and to love it and nurture it and give it the things you wish you had - whether material or emotional.
Additionally, in an informal poll done by Dear Abby ages ago, she asked readers if they regret having children and most said yes. Most said their lives would have been better if they had remained childless.
They also broaden your life, and make you see the world in a completely different way. I had no idea I could love another human being so completely as I love my children, and I know that I share this with all other parents (except the mentally ill or evil ones). I really don't think you can fully connect to your past generations and the idea of a future if you don't have children, and you can't fully comprehend selfless love if you don't have children. In having a child "you agree to allow your heart to walk around outside your body". How true that is.
I think you have every right to decide for yourself, with no one telling you what to do, that you want to remain childless.
On the other hand, I do think it's a lack of maternal instinct and maternal drive that has made you decide not to have kids. I think you just don't realize it - maternal instinct is STRONG, and causes women to decide they're willing to endure 9 months of pregnancy and risky and painful childbirth. It's a strong, strong drive.
It's okay that you don't have it, even though basically you like children.
Best wishes. This is your life, do what you want to do.
Additionally, in an informal poll done by Dear Abby ages ago, she asked readers if they regret having children and most said yes. Most said their lives would have been better if they had remained childless.
They also broaden your life, and make you see the world in a completely different way. I had no idea I could love another human being so completely as I love my children, and I know that I share this with all other parents (except the mentally ill or evil ones). I really don't think you can fully connect to your past generations and the idea of a future if you don't have children, and you can't fully comprehend selfless love if you don't have children. In having a child "you agree to allow your heart to walk around outside your body". How true that is.
I think you have every right to decide for yourself, with no one telling you what to do, that you want to remain childless.
On the other hand, I do think it's a lack of maternal instinct and maternal drive that has made you decide not to have kids. I think you just don't realize it - maternal instinct is STRONG, and causes women to decide they're willing to endure 9 months of pregnancy and risky and painful childbirth. It's a strong, strong drive.
It's okay that you don't have it, even though basically you like children.
Best wishes. This is your life, do what you want to do.
I often think the same about the world today. With the birth of my neice who is now 4 months old it occurred to me what will life be like when she is in her teens etc. They are vulnerable enough times but media and fashion and the expectations on kids that age, its all overwhelming and constantly changing. I agree with special mom, there is such beauty in this world, its gobsmacking really the diversity and beauty all on one little planet but we are raising a superficial generation and I'm not sure if its something I would want to bring my child into.
Were in the 21st century now and i feel that we have come a long way. Women now strive for independence and equality but there is always a little part of us wondering about children and of course theres the puzzled look when we tell people we don't want kids. I think we should always put ourselves first. It's primarily our body and our lives we intend to live. Were not baby making machines and its perfectly normal to not want to have children. I LOVE my niece and young cousins but after a hectic day with them its always nice to hand them back over to mummy and daddy and thank god you dont have any of your own to worry about lol!
I think its worse to have kids just for the heck of it and then resent having tovprovide for them and have to many commitments. People think its part of the package, the happily ever after. I think people should respect your decision and you should just stay open minded.
Interesting post, thanks!
Were in the 21st century now and i feel that we have come a long way. Women now strive for independence and equality but there is always a little part of us wondering about children and of course theres the puzzled look when we tell people we don't want kids. I think we should always put ourselves first. It's primarily our body and our lives we intend to live. Were not baby making machines and its perfectly normal to not want to have children. I LOVE my niece and young cousins but after a hectic day with them its always nice to hand them back over to mummy and daddy and thank god you dont have any of your own to worry about lol!
I think its worse to have kids just for the heck of it and then resent having tovprovide for them and have to many commitments. People think its part of the package, the happily ever after. I think people should respect your decision and you should just stay open minded.
Interesting post, thanks!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I have a really good friend that chose to not have children. She's fine with her choice years later as a woman over 50 now. (one of those decisions you always wonder if you'll regret. In her case, she didn't.)
Our planet and world is still a wonderful place for kids full of so much beauty and wonder that any argument that it's not fair to bring kids into it doesn't really make sense to me. But that is just my opinion. You have yours. And WHATEVER reason you are choosing to not have kids is perfectly fine. Even if it WAS just because you didn't like kids.
If you don't feel you have the maternal instinct, don't have the interest, feel the world is not great these days, etc. --- all add up to your desire to be childless. A perfectly fine decision. No complaints to me.
I personally feel it is not selfish at all but rather much more selfish to bring lots of kids into your family that you can't afford or if your home is dysfunctional. Or a mom that is never home due to work and her own hobbies so she has a nanny 24/7. Ya know what I'm saying. Better to make an adult decision that is rational in its approach that hurts no one.
I had a career for many years. I'm an older mom now. But in my working days . . . I had colleagues that chose to not have kids. I always respected them for knowing themselves so well.
Anyway, good luck to you.
Our planet and world is still a wonderful place for kids full of so much beauty and wonder that any argument that it's not fair to bring kids into it doesn't really make sense to me. But that is just my opinion. You have yours. And WHATEVER reason you are choosing to not have kids is perfectly fine. Even if it WAS just because you didn't like kids.
If you don't feel you have the maternal instinct, don't have the interest, feel the world is not great these days, etc. --- all add up to your desire to be childless. A perfectly fine decision. No complaints to me.
I personally feel it is not selfish at all but rather much more selfish to bring lots of kids into your family that you can't afford or if your home is dysfunctional. Or a mom that is never home due to work and her own hobbies so she has a nanny 24/7. Ya know what I'm saying. Better to make an adult decision that is rational in its approach that hurts no one.
I had a career for many years. I'm an older mom now. But in my working days . . . I had colleagues that chose to not have kids. I always respected them for knowing themselves so well.
Anyway, good luck to you.
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