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Did having children change your relationship with DH?
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Did having children change your relationship with DH?

Did your relationship with DH change for the better or worse after having kids (if it changed at all)?
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242084_tn?1244551910
I don't think it really changed our relationship, other than I think, if possible, I grew to love him even more than I already did... seeing him playing with my 1yr old son, proudly carrying him when out shopping, wearing his "#1 Daddy" t-shirt (that he picked out!), and watching my son scream "Dada" with delight while the two play "race car" with him pushing the highchair around the kitchen like it was an Indy500 track, how could that not melt any wife/mother's heart?!!

All of my friends and family members warned us that having children would put a strain on any marriage, but so far it really hasn't with us.  Maybe it's because despite having a child (and another on the way due in March), I still place my dh as my #1 priority. We've incorporated our son into our lives/routine, and not the other way around.  We work as a team once my dh gets home from work so that we get our son fed, bathed and down for bed by 7:30pm, and then the rest of the night is "couple time".  So, I guess the biggest way it's maybe changed our relationship, is that it has bonded us even tighter.
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282524_tn?1348492612
with me and my husbands first child, it broke us.our daughter was very sick and he couldnt handle it and also didnt want to go up! so i left with 2 kids. 3 years later we got back together, and he had 2 more kids with 2 other women and now we have been married also 4 years. even now i know i am not the same person he married and he isnt either, he has really changed alot for the good, he doesnt go out partying all the time and he now has a really good job. i think at times i have changed for the worst.it feels like i have lost my true me, i am not becky anymore, iam joes wife, or the kids mom. i didnt realize how much bull poop goes along with being stepmom. my husband doesnt understand at all because he doesnt have to deal with my first childs sperm donor.
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Avatar_f_tn
You know in many relationships after having a baby at first, things do change and not always for the best.  I mean when you first bring in a baby to a relationship, your hubby will likely feel he has taken a back seat to you..... that is actually a normal feeling and many of great men have gone through it.  It does get better though.  And some relationships change more then others.  It also depends on if your baby is an easy baby or a hard baby.  Remember to not forget yourself after the baby is born because one thing I noticed when we first had our first child is I wasn't making myself look "pretty" for my hubby like I used to.  Even if you don't put on make up until 5 min before your hubby gets home from work, take that extra time and effort for your relationship.  
Don't forget the intamacy with your hubby because that is another thing that usually takes a back seat to a new baby.  
It may take a few months to get things back to normal, but they do end up working things out.
Think about it, your sleep deprived and your hubby could be kind of jealous because instead of laying with him on the couch you are laying with the baby now.  lol
You and your hubby need to remember to keep your relationship FIRST above all else because it will make for a happier home for your whole family.
Remember to keep dating your hubby and keep that fire going between the two of you.
Sometimes it does take men longer to bond with a baby then it does the mommy, so remember that also.
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346292_tn?1216418695
at first mine got better but then after about 3 months he went into over drive about working hard for his family to give us every thing we want.......he then deceided to go back to school as well.....hes a hard worker and really wants a better future for us .......but in the marriage dept it took a nose dive but recently is getting alot better
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Avatar_f_tn
You must have a relatively "easy" child :)  Mine was and still is very challenging (not sleeping nights, reflux, etc, etc...) and it put a great strain  on our relationship.  She still doesn't sleep nights at times and it's very difficult on both of us since we both work full time.  DH gets home at 7:30 pm, doesn't even have the time to play with DD b/c she's all cranky and is ready to go to bed by 8 pm (usually).  We're also expecting in March :)  HOw old is your DS #1?
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242084_tn?1244551910
Alexander turned 1 yr old in November.  Trust me-- he still has his moments at times :), and we did have some issues with colic when he was little, but my dh was very understanding (and even went out late at night without complaint to get some Gripe Water when needed). I admit that I am very blessed that I am a stay-at-home mom.  We waited 5 yrs to have a child and moved from CA to MO so that we could afford to do this; and for my dh to get to a position at his company that he can work 10hr days and be home by 6pm and have 3 days off a week.  We discussed all kinds of senarios (discipline beliefs, co-sleeping, chores, etc.) prior to even getting pregnant, so I think we were already on the same page with parenting when the time came.
What we did, since my dh just gets home at 6-6:30pm (and Alexander's bedtime is between 7:30-8pm), is maximize his "daddy time"-- even if it's not really "play".  I make dinner and Daddy helps him eat (items that aren't finger feedable), I get the wash cloth, and Daddy wipes his face, I get the bathtub/toys/towels ready, and Daddy takes him back for a bath and sits on the toilet playing with the tub toys/washing him, then I towel dry/dress in pj's, and Daddy takes him off for bed.  It may not be much time that the two get to spend together during the week, but my dh makes the most of it, and by doing so, actually gives me a little break too... as while he's bathing our son I can get the crib ready, pick up toys, or load the dishwasher.  Maybe you can have your dh give your dd her bath or at least put her to bed?  I gradually shifted my son's afternoon naptime back a little later so he wouldn't be quite so cranky/tired when Dada got home too.  Now my son squeels with delight when Daddy comes home and I think his favorite time of the day is playing in the tub with my dh... it makes my dh feel special too, in knowing that his son looks forward to his time with him.
I am lucky in that my ds does self-soothe and entertains himself.  If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he may cry out for a minute, but he knows how to turn on his "Ocean Wonders" crib toy (which plays music/has lights), and I've watched him on our baby monitor do this- then lays back down and falls back to sleep.
I think the most important thing I've done as a 1st time mom, is remember to put an extra effort in to showing my dh that he is still my #1 priority, as is our marriage.  I totally agree with Laura's comment above.  Also, and I know most people will slam me on this one, but I don't share the baby-care duties 50/50 with my dh.  Since my son was born, my dh has had to change maybe 2 diapers (and never a poo one)... that's my "job", and one that I voluntarily do because I know my dh doesn't like doing it.  When my ds was little and cried in the middle of the night, I was the one who always got up.  Not because my DH wouldn't, but because I knew that he needed his rest for work more than I did.  (Obviously, this was also because I am a stay-at-home mom.)  I've overheard my DH bragging to some of his buddies about how great his wife is, and that I do these things.  I also get up at 5am every morning to pack his lunch and put a little daily love note inside it.  My little efforts are rewarded 10-fold by all the extra things he then does for me.
When our 2nd son arrives in March (due the 12th), I'm sure we will have to balance our routine once again, but I think the most important thing is communication and thankfulness... I thank my dh every day for giving me my darling son, for working so hard to provide for us, for being the best Daddy in the world and also the best husband.  Even on my "moody" days, when I'm tired and frazzled myself, I just remember to count my blessings.
(Sorry to have rambled there a bit... hormones, as I'm sure you too know what I'm talking about!! Hahaha!!!)  
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Avatar_f_tn
I truly dmire your dedication.  I am going to be a first time mom too, my due date is May 5.  I will be a stay-at-home mom.  =)  I too get up and make sure daddy's lunch is packed, I start the car in the mornings for him and before he wipes the sleep out of his eyes I bring him coffee upstairs in bed.  I get a little frustrated because I have recently grown tired of his comparissons to me and his first wife and ex girlfriend's pregnancies.  I know I shouldn't, as one member posted to me, this is all he knows.  I agree with you that your marriage whould be first priority.. though I think with putting your hubby first, in turn he puts you and the baby first in his life.  With that it really is a "win win" life, everyone is happy and healthy.  I enjoyed reading your way of living.. it gave me a boost of energy.  Women have the power of making their home the happiest home on the block.  I love to hear my baby's father brag about me too!  =)
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Avatar_f_tn
I "Admire" you that is.  =)  Can't type today!
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13167_tn?1327197724
Our relationship changed for the better when I got pregnant,  and throughout all of our kid's births.

I don't lean on people very easily,  and don't allow people to help me or even influence my decisions.  It's very,  VERY hard for me to ask for help from anyone.

Suddenly,  I had to ask for help and I also realized my husband had every right to give input in my medical decisions.  He had a right to know about birthing procedures,  and OB care,  and he had a right to influence my decisions,  and I needed to lean on him for help in the hospital and in early post partum time.  

For the first time ever,  I really needed him.  

Not every moment has been glorious,  and kids can be very demanding,  but our relationship is definitely deeper and more profound than if we didn't have three boys in common.

Best wishes with mommyhood.
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118074_tn?1228332603
Hey how are you?  I haven't been on for a while, how's it going?  How many weeks are you?  I am about 6.5 and very nervous about a m/c.  I have had one missed mc before Gavin and am getting paranoid about it.
Having kids did change our relationship a bit but not much.  I think it's in a good way.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey, we spoke a little on your other post.  I'm going to be 29 weeks this wed.  Time flies!!  At times I feel like DH and I are growing apart b/c we're both exhausted most of the time.  I like everything planned out and put a lot of stress on myself if the house is not clean and the dinner's not cooked.  I guess I create my own problems :(  I should just let it go.  
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Avatar_f_tn
All I can say is that you can't say that "I'm a stay at home mom, it's easier".  I found that it's very difficult to do the mommy job 24/7.  Harder than working outside, sometimes.  More power to you for being such a great wife.  You're lucky, in the respect that your DS can soothe himself and go back to sleep.  Trust me, that's a HUGE plus.  DD can go for hours not sleeping (it's usually from 1 am-4 am).  The following day, we both need to get up at 7 am to get ready for work and when we come home (me, around 5 pm and him at 7:30pm) we want nothing to do with each other b/c we're way too exhausted from the night before.  Don't get me wrong, DD LOVES HER DADDY!  I love seeing the excitement in her eyes when she sees him and I love seeing them having a great time together.  In fact, DH loves spending so much time with her that he pushes his dinner time until she goes to sleep b/c he doesn't want to lose out on spending some time with her.  He's a great husband and a great father.  He plays with her while I got the bath, pj's and everything else for bed ready.  He always puts her to bed and it is a job in itself (since she still doesn't fall asleep on her own).  He is a hard worker as well.  He'll do anything to make us happy.  I just feel that b/c we're so tired by the end of the day, we have no time for each other anymore.  I can't even cuddle with him anymore without feeling either stretching or pulling or kicking or being in pain somewhere in my body.  *sigh* I guess this shall pass too.  
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377600_tn?1225167036
I waited four years into my marriage before I had childen.  Honestly, the best years have been after the children because we congealed as a family.  It was the best thing we have ever done together--and continue to do together.
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377600_tn?1225167036
I waited four years into my marriage before I had childen.  Honestly, the best years have been after the children because we congealed as a family.  It was the best thing we have ever done together--and continue to do together.
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118074_tn?1228332603
I am sorry you feel this way.  I think both of you are just exhausted and nervous about the up coming baby since it wasn't planned.  We haven't gotten to that point yet since I haven't been to the doc and it's still surreal.  I also have so much help from my parents that I am sure I will be more stressed if they aren't around.  They clean and cook for me so it makes it eaiser when I get home from work echausted.
The important thing is you and you DH need to reconnect before the next baby comes.  Find a sitter for Ariella once a week or every 2 weeks and you guys go out to dinner or just stay home and not to worry about picking up toys or feeding her, etc.  And don't feel guikty about it.  You have 11 weeks or less left and you need to relax a bit.
Good luck to you!
Dolly
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes, we do need to reconnect pronto!  Our lives are becoming a little too boring, if you know what I mean.  Wait, are your parents back in the States?
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118074_tn?1228332603
Yup since 12-29.  They have been great help and we all are getting along so well this time.  I think it's because we know what to look for and we didn't have any unrealistic expectation.
We have having dinner dates with another couple this Sat.  We try to do it at least once or twice a month.  It's great to dress up and go out to have adult time.
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Avatar_f_tn
I hear you.  I'll probably drop off Ariella at my parents this weekend and take DH to one of my favorite restaurants not too far away from them.  It'll be a well deserved break for both of us.  I'm glad that things are working out better this time around.  Having your parents (who are actually helping out) is a huge plus.
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118074_tn?1228332603
Yes, you should definately do that.  Do you have any food cravings?  
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Avatar_f_tn
Nope, not really.  Never had them with Ariella either.  All I craved was watermelon with her and with this pregnancy I could eat pomagranate all day long.  I don't really call them food cravings :)
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