I don't know if this is a bit strong for this forum, but I thought it would be women who could help me, help me to get over this, or tell me how I can.
6 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a man in a bar. To shorten a long story I will just summarise - a man I did not know, or even spoke to, approached me in a bar and put his hand up my skirt, touching me, rubbing me inappropriately, I moved away from him quickly and in shock but not shouting or screaming for some reason (shock and fear). He continued to follow me around the room and kept doing it. It ended when my fiancé and brother-in-law came back from the bar after getting drinks, and spotted the guy grabbing me bottom (the last thing after lots of grabs of the front area).
I went to the police after and made a statement.
I felt horrible for weeks and felt dirty and ashamed.
It took a long time to start forgetting it.
Well the trial was this last week, bringing back and re-living the horrible memory. So I thought I did ok in court but it turned out the Jury's verdict was 'not-guilty'. I just cannot believe it, I really can't. I am devastated over this, I feel like this is going to lead to depression or something, like when it first happened I turned to wine to help me cope. In the evening I get really down and my thoughts start getting carried away with me saying ''what if..''all the time. And I keep imagining his lies in court and imagining everyone believing him and thinking I was the liar.
In the evenings I feel myself craving wine to lift the sadness.
I'm wondering do I need help. I feel like I'm in the wrong but why I don't know.
Well, "not guilty" doesn't mean "innocent". It just means they don't know, and in that case they have to side with the suspect.
I know how you feel. In my youth, I worked at a shoe store in the mall and when I went in the back stockroom the "stockboys", who were men 5-10 years older than me would grab me as I passed. It was stupid and horrible. One thing I did notice - they didn't grab ALL the girls. They didn't grab the really unattractive girls, AND they didn't grab some girls who were much prettier than I was, because those girls carried themselves with a certain air that said don't you even dare. So I learned from watching them how to emit that air, "don't you even DARE".
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I think in retrospect, you realize other girls wouldn't just silently, meekly keep retreating. Be that kind of girl. Be the kind of girl who puts a stop to it RIGHT NOW. You're in a public bar, don't retreat. Make an issue of it RIGHT THEN.
Best wishes. I do know how you feel. But you'll grow and nature out of this, and really, in 10 years it's not like this guy is going to be a really successful guy.
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