My fiancee and I have been together almost four years (we met in high school, we're now in college). From the first day I met his family they treated me like garbage for reasons that I find so ridiculous it kills me.
A little background: My fiancee and I were both "top of the class" students, very social etc. So imagine my surprise when I met his family and I thought I had walked onto the Jerry Springer set. Anyway, from the moment we were officially dating, his family decided I was a threat. I had better grades, better health, and better family. So my fiancee (then boyfriend) wanted to impress me by hitting the gym, improving his grades more, and trying not to fight with his family so much. All good things right? Wrong. To his family that meant I was manipulating him and wanted to change him and make him hate his family because they felt they were no longer "good enough". So he's being nicer to ya'll because of me...and that means I want him to hate you? Anyway, fast forward 4 years and this is what has happened:
-2 of his sisters physically assaulted me when I tried to defend myself against their mother
-His father was very disrespectful to me all these years
-His mother insulted me numerous times for no reason and also disowned her own son (my boyfriend) TWICE for defending me
The worst part? We live in separate houses RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
His mother gives me half-*** apologies, but she's bound to do disrespect me again because she's a lunatic. One one of his sisters apologized but I flat out told her "Forget it...you put your hands on me...theres no coming back." The other sent me an apology through email, and I laughed off the immaturity and did not reply. Dont you dare send me an email when you live right next to me. His father never apologized. We don't speak with them at all. It's been a year.
But my problem is that I hate drama and I wish for all of us to get along but theres no way I will tolerate that kind of disrespect if it's bound to happen again. Am I wrong for this? Should I just take their half-*** apologies and grit my teeth for the sake of "family"? Am I being too harsh in not giving second chances?
after the first assault you should have contacted the police. no matter how much you love him. that is completely inappropriate! i'll give you credit though i would have dumped him and had nothing more to do with that wacked out family from the get go.
and no you're not being too harsh. if i were you i'd never speak to them again. completely and totally ignore them. never go to their house (even if they do live right next door), never even acknowledge that they're alive.
My main question is: does he defend you? Or does he step back and let you handle it? This is real important. If he does not defend you then you are on your own. He won't choose you over his family ever. And if you have kids they will have to be in the middle of all this.
Think real hard whether you want to deal with this family the rest of your married life. And think about your future kids. Do you want them to have a grandma and grandpa and aunts like that?
I recommend getting out.You have complete freedom of choice at this point. Once you are married with kids your choices reduce considerably to 1) Stay married and put up with them 2) divorce which hurts the kids.
Thank you guys, first of all. Yes, he does defend me but they care nothing about what he has to say. As far as he is concerned he has no family. And absolutely as soon as we move (hopefully by next year we can find a more affordable place) I plan on never seeing them or speaking to them again. It is tough to deal with and it will get more complicated when we have children one day, but my children will have nothing to do with them. The funny thing though is that they kiss my as* any chance they get. If they see me taking out the trash it's "oh my God you look so pretty...oh I love your dress... blach blah blah." These people just dont get it when I just smile and walk inside my house.
I have a monster in law too. WE just got married not even a month ago and she finally talked to us (him on the internet) for teh first time since the wedding the other day. Only to complain about not being invited tot eh gift opening. Which wasnt a formal opening, we opened the gifts at my moms house on the only day ew had before heading home, which happened to me my brotehrs and nieces birthday. It wasnt like there was a big get together for everyone to watch, it was just unwrapping them to pack them. Well she b*tched and complained about how she wanst invited so I (on my computer) told her it was a birthday party and thats the only time we opened them, nothing special. She didnt reply to me but did my husband saying how I need to butt out of their conversation becasue its private. As I continued to try to talk to her, she told my husband how I must always be around, giving him not time to himself. I told her after no replys that if she was going to ignore me, it would jsut hurt her relationship with her son. She then saidd I already did that to her. There was babbling back and fourth and she told my husband to "reel in your wife, shes out of control tonight" In the end she said she was only going to have a minimal relationship with me, only enough to be able to talk with her son. I told her she wouldnt be ssing her grand children if that were the case, to which she told her son to say the word if he didnt want her in his kids lives. He passed over her comment and the conversation was over.
Its a mother in law thing I think....except to my mom. My husband asked if he could make the mother in law jokes about his own mom lol.
Im lucky I get along with my sister in law...thats about it. If your fiance relates and also sees that his family is off their rocker, then thats good. Otherwise it can be really hard to have a good relatioinship with him.
if your fiancee feels like he has no family and they are psychos, why are you two living NEXT DOOR to them? that fact troubles me. there is more to this than you are telling i think. why are you living next door to them?
Oh vhc09, I completely agree, what a crazy situation, it makes no sense. Well, here's the thing...2 years ago (after high school) we moved to the house we live in now (rent) because it was the most affordable. The house right next door to us was formerly occupied by his parents, when we moved in they were not living there anymore. They had all moved to Tallahassee, FL with their oldest daughter (my fiancee's oldest sister and the only one we speak to). Well, a few months later their oldest daughter kicked them all out and they were forced to come back down and move right back next door. We only had a few months of peace. Ever since we've been trying to move but financially it's not possible. We graduate college next year and will get better jobs, god willing, very soon and be able to afford moving out. Thankfully we have no children, I would hate for them to live like this. But we do have a lot of pets.
Lucey 12: I am appalled. I told my fiancee your story and yep, I guess it's a mother-in-law thing. They are jealous a new woman has come into their son's lives. I'm glad you get along with your sister in law. In my case it was jelousy too, he is the only boy of four children so his sisters felt like they owned him or something. But that's no excuse. They are adults for godssakes.
reading all these monster in law stories makes me want to go hug my mil. i got super lucky. my mil is just the greatest. now...i do fil (family in law...not father in law...he's come around is pretty great now) problems. his family does NOT NOT NOT NOT like me. AT ALL! or the kids! we have 1 year old twin boys and his family REFUSES to come visit them. his grandma said and i quote "why would i waste my time and money to just visit some kids?" SOME kids!!!! it's her FIRST set of great grandchildren!!!! (nana is great though...i love my mil's mom...she is just the cutest little thing) at his brothers graduation party last year (i was 7 1/2 months pregnant...with twins so my belly was HUGE) she and her nasty daughter made the comment "don't you think you've had enough to eat?" as greg handed me a piece of cake. i took a BIG forkful, stuck in my mouth, swallowed and said "i think the boys want more..." and continued to eat. THEN his aunt (who is a rather heavy set woman said "I was never that big while i was pregnant." I look at her and said "oh you were pregnant with twins too? you grew TWO people inside you at once?" she just gave me a nasty look.
i did get my revenge though. i've lost all my baby weight plus some. (i'm not to where i want to be but pretty d@mn close) and they were at mom and dads for their luau. i looked at them and the looked at me (they didn't recognize me...skinnier and my hair is longer now) and they said to greg "where is your fat @$$ wife? you finally dump her?" i was like "no sorry he didn't dump the fat @$$....i'm right here. see i was only pregnant last year...what's your excuse? do you think you should be eating those meatballs?" all the while i was pigging out on chicken dip and crackers. lol.
Lucey12: That's horrible. It's unfair. Hope it all works our for you. I have become a big believer in karma and believe that there's a reason why all this has happened to me. I think I wasn't meant to be their family at all. I mean, who wants Jerry Springer characters as family members? No offense to all my decent country people, but they are the bunch that went astray. It's so for the better and I'm kind of glad this all happened.
Heatherlynn: I love your comeback. Those byotches deserved it. Keep your head up high, hon. I recommend avoiding them though.
Oh my gosh, Your story sounds like me and my now ex-husband. One of the main reasons was because of his family. His mother went to jail for hitting me and refusing to leave my home. His sister filed a report saying I tried to kidnap her kids, we had to go to court of course and it was thrown out. His dad told my him he needed to put me in my place, I went off.
Main reason for divorce was that his mother said she never hit me, even though she went to jail and domestic violence charges pressed. He didn't believe me because why would his mother lie. That was it for me.
Girl, in most cases a guy will side with his family. Blood is thicker than water and they had him convinced of it. We have a child together and still to this day five yrs. after divorce that family still tries to make me miserable. I go to court every yr. for them trying to get custody or more visitation. He is remarried and his wife is just like them. It is miserable.
My bff is getting a divorce thanks to her MIL and her husband's unwillingness to defend her. They are crazy. My friend has taken out police reports on him and his mother. His mother does drive bys past her house and he lives with them after getting kicked out. They are attention seekers and have severe control issues.
My other friend's husband's family are users and they hate her because since they've gotten married, he hasn't been able to support them like he used to. They have a child of their own and just bought a house so of course they can't afford to carry his family financially. His mother lays on a guilt trip and says she needs help cause she has no job but there is nothing wrong with her other than the fact she's lazy and expects her kids to take care of her. They even told him that my friend was using him for his money and got pregnant on purpose to trap him. They didn't show up to their wedding or baby shower. She doesn't speak to them at all. She hopes to never.
I'm glad your fiance chose you over them, but you have to watch this. He may grow to resent you if he feels that he has no family because of you. If you don't feel like making nice, than you don't have to. I just understand how families can tear a couple apart. My bff is getting a divorce and my other friend almost separated but they are working through the issues. So it makes it hard. Relationships are hard enough as is without people from the outside trying to tear it apart. Good luck.
To all: I do often wonder if one day he will grow to resent me. Every now and then he'll say "what problem do you think you have at least you have a family..." He's right. I know it hurts him even though he says if they all died tomorrow he wouldn't care. I guess he's in a worse place than me if you really think about it. I'll be honest, every now and then his mother (only) kinda sorta comes around ( a bit). And she acts very nice. Like she passed down all her family heirlooms to Me and my fiancee, she said we deserve it the most. She's French so her heritage is a big deal. And there are some family secrets she's only told me and said she could never even say them to her own daughters. I decided though that I'll grit my teeth and try to get along with the MIL, because that's his mother and in her own f**ked up way, she might actually care about us. But I will keep my distance. As far as the rest of the family, never ever ever. Oh, absolutely yes I already told all of them I would call the police next time and file restrictions orders. I told them I would purchase a weapon soon (I am) and I'm not afraid to use it. They said "that wont be necessary..." HAHAHA I'll be the judge of that.
Its never bad to have a weapon. My husband has a love for guns and a love for the army since the two go hand in hand. We have many riffles and shotguns but my passion is the hand guns. Easy to aim, easy to use, easy to load. We have a 1911 (named by the year it was made) and a glock 17. The 1911 has a hammer, thats why I like it the most. You know if its ready to shoot or not (though you can have one in the barrel and put the hammer down then **** the hammer later when you do want to shoot. its chambered in a .45, so BIG. It has a lot of recoil for this reason but its not too much to handle ( and if you really need to use it, you wont notice if the recoil hurts or not) The Glock is chambered in 9mm so fairly small. Can still do damage but the 1911 is more effective. The glock doesnt have a hammer, the trigger is just back slightly when its ready to shoot. It just has the slide that you **** back, no visible hammer.
Everyone things guns are bad. They arent, not when you need to protect your own life. There are stories everywhere that if we were allowed to carry a gun concealed everywhere we went, no one woudl be robbed or assulted, and if they were, enough people woudl be around with their guns to protect them. Self defence, not looking for trouble. My husband has me well trained that if im home alone (or hes in teh basment and Im int eh bedroom or whatever, if someone comes in, you grab the gun, load it, ready to fire. Point it at him and with the other hand call 911. If nothing else, they will have a recording of you protecting yourself. Tell the intruder you are armed and will shoot if they advance at all. If they can easily hurt you due to a drawn weapon or an equivelant, fire as soon as you tell them to drop the weapon and they dont. Tellt ehm drop the weapon, leave now, stop or Ill shoot. for me, one warning is enough, if you dont have time to give them all the warnings. As soon as there is any advancing or unco-operation shoot. I dont mean have a nice sniper head shot, Center of mass people! Shoot waht you can. Dont shoot till they stopped moving. The 911 recording of you telling them to stop and stuff really helps your case. And #1 thing of you happen to be in this possition and the cops or courts ask you if you shot to kill, say no, I shot so I could live. Your life is more important when you are threatened.
Sorry for that but with a hubby like mine, I know what to do and I believe in self defense 100%.
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