My boyfriend of 8 years decided he wanted to be 'just friends' Now when I get introduced to his friends or others he calls me "His friend" When a guy I was introduced to started to flirt with me, my 'just friends' man got quite upset!
I said to him that perhaps calling me his ex-girlfriend would make it clearer to guys that I am available. Where as Just friends makes it sound like he wants to have me around more than a friend, and possibly a girlfriend. He totally disagreed.
Some of his friends I had never met till recently so of course, them being men had no idea I was once his girlfriend. They are all nice and a few have hit on me in his presence and he still gets quite jealous and yet denies the jelousy!
What are your thoughts on this situation? I am about to go to USA on Sunday where he is and I really need to be clear on what I think is going on is going on! Make sense?
I think you need to understand why the change in status. Is it that he is still attracted to you and enjoys spending time with you but doesn't want an exclusive relationship because of the geographical distance? In that case the jealousy makes a lot of sense. Ask him why he gets upset. Why would he not want to see you with any of his friends? Is he planning on a 'friends with benefits' situation so still wants you to himself?
if he doesn't want you as his g/f.....then flirt back with those men. who knows maybe one of the is "the one". if he gets jealous he'll have to get over it. he's the one who ended the relationship. there are always consequences to actions. if he can't deal with what he's done...obviously he shouldn't have done that. but don't dwell on it. be happy. maybe a few dates with another man/men will help you.
i was in almost the same situation a yr ago i was with a man i thought to be my best friend but when ever we went out or anything i was just a friend but we did have benefits i was with this guy for 18 months went to family functions together but always just a friend finally i got the courage to tell him i have been with you for 18 months i think i have proven to you that ill be there all i ask is to have the girlfriend title he said no it complicates things and relationships i left it at that for a few weeks then we talked again and i said i'm not looking for marriage or a ring or anything like that i just want the title of a girlfriend i think i deserve that he still said no and then i decided to move on with my life and it was the best decision cause i am with a wonderful man and we are expecting in dec
Thanks guys for such intelligent insights! I am answering all of you in the same message here.
I understand the reason he changed. I had the undiagnosed thyroid disease and was totally overweight and miserable. He actually said to me that I was MORE than a girlfriend to him, that I am like his soul mate, but he didn't want to commit for life. I found that hard to deal with. The fact I was sick and had not yet proven it, (15 years undiagnosed Hashimoto's) and he saying that speech just confused me even more! He is obviously attracted to me now. People comment on it all the time.
It's funny that for 8 years no one knew of me, then suddenly he is showing me off, grinning like a cheshire cat, stealing glances at me, getting jealous. I lost all that weight, and am fitter than before. I told him that his being attracted to me was a sign of his feelings toward me again.I said, "Or is it that me being skinny is attractive, not the actual me?" He said he didn't want to lose me but that he didn't want to be needed. He nursed and cared for his sick mother from when he was 14 to 45 when she died. I said,"Well,it's obvious that when you saw me as sick, you felt I was a burden, subconsciously." He said ,"Yes, I think so. But I still want my freedom, I don't want to be married." I told him I did not want marriage either!
I DO flirt back! I love flirting in a nice way. I even met up with a guy I hadn't seen in 12 years! My 'man' got quite angry and said, "Don't go out with him, he is only after one thing!" I said, "Well, I am sorry but I am not your girlfriend so I will go out with whomever I please!" He got a bit miffed at that. Years ago had I said some guy fancied me he would have said, "You know I have no rights to stop you from being with who you think is right for you." I used to think that was very mature. NOW I get told not to date, and he shows his jealousy!
I have no intentions of letting him be a friend with benefits kind of relationship. That belittles me. I used to be like that years ago, but realised guys just like getting a bit and then having their freedom too.
One thing that is really odd, is that his friend's have said to me not so long ago, and I only remembered this last night, is that I am exactly like his mum. I look like her, I sound like her, I dress similarly, and I have similar likes. It dawned on me big time last night, that when he saw me so sick and overweight, it made him remember how hard it was to nurse his mum, who had MS and got worse and worse and worse. So he broke up with me. I guess his behaviour is saying the opposite, but something subconsciously because I am so like his now deceased mum is stopping him from that commitment.
I think I am going to have to sit him down and tell him exactly as I figured it out in the above paragraph and let it sink in to his brain that he is blocking me for the wrong reasons. He's usually pretty good at those sort of psychological things. If he can't accept that then I will certainly move on. I love him to death and back again, but I refuse to be held back by him. I still date other guys, still have fun, and who knows! Maybe one of them may well be Mr. Right instead of Mr. Go away-Come back!
So with that in mind, I am going to have fun regardless!
Sounds like he doesnt want you (which really means he wants to play), and he doesnt want anyone else to have you either. ( Probably figures when he is done playing or cannot find someone to play with, you will still be there waiting for him). Flirt yer little butt off! He had his 8 years and wants to be friends only, so go for it girlfriend. Id date one of his friends if I wanted to. Nothin wrong with that either!
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