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Why do men go after married women
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Why do men go after married women

I have been married for 20 years. My twin sister is single , when we go out together men are always talking to me more than they talk to her. Recently my sister introduced me to a man she really likes,unfortunately he really likes me more than her, I have told him that I am married, but it didn't seem like He believed me . He is a very nice guy, but my sister is the single one , not me . My husband has told me that I am  a warm hearted  woman and my eyes tell him that, could that be true?
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32 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
i get hit on as well. the men who do hit on married women have absolutely no respect for the woman or her husband (as long as she discloses her marital status of course). i've had guys tell me they don't care if i'm married or not.
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750946_tn?1270291732
maybe there's something in ur personality that's more intriguing to men than your sister's....maybe ur marriage made you a more mature individual than ur single sister..and that may be attractive to men...

or jus the fact that..since ur married...ur "harder to get" than ur single sister...and that poses a challenge for men...
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Avatar_f_tn
I have had them do the same, I had an actual guy that was younger than me, and he didn't care if I was married either, he said that he will wait til I am free, we'll he will be waiting a long time lol
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Avatar_f_tn
I guess that could be right,so true My sister's personality is totally different than mine, we may be twins but personality is sooo different.
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483733_tn?1326802046
I've actually had a guy tell me that he has often 'helped' married women stay married by relieving them of their sexual frustrations...  Yeah, right.
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Avatar_f_tn
well I don't know about that, but it does sort of make sense in a way,if that is what they think lol. In some cases that could be a little true, but I don't believe that. lol
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334400_tn?1276897913
I think this goes on all the time, especially in the work place. After all, we are at work more hours, than at home. I always did say that anyone (male or female) wants to stray they will, married or not. Although, there are some men that just aim to get laid, regardless of what they need to do. Another feather in their hat, that's it.

If someone is married, and truly respects thier union, they won't be interested in this extra activity. Usually, the cat that's at play has a problem in the den.

Crochetya
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684030_tn?1357024374
I think that married or "unavailable" people are seen as a challenge to some.
Maybe, that's the attraction.
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Avatar_f_tn
I think you are right,maybe they will learn from it .
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145992_tn?1341348674
I am with iambutterfly on this one.  It's a challenge to go after the unattainable person.  The same for why women go after married or taken men.  It's a sign of complete disrespect in my eyes.  I also think that when a person is married they have more confidence.  They don't have that desperation that comes along with being single, the need to find someone and then the feel of rejection shows in the face sometimes.  When you are unavailable you don't care if someone pays attention to you because you already have someone.  Does that make sense?
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145992_tn?1341348674
Let me just clarify because I don't want people to take that the wrong way, when I say if you're single you are desperate, that's not my intention.  What I mean is, when you are single you sometimes chase after the man or you make it known that you are looking for someone.  Sometimes men are drawn away from that.
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684030_tn?1357024374
I get what you're saying mami... it's not really desperation, although, for some, it probably is. It's rather more of a neediness that some single and unattached people project. As a lifelong single woman, I know. Whether conscious or unconscious, I've have no doubt projected a measure of that, myself. Plus, I've seen it in other single, divorced or otherwise unattached people as well.
As for that "disrespect" that you mentioned, I not sure that it's that personal. Although, the actual act of being involved with a married person is, in itself, disrespectful.
I would call the mind sync behind involvement with the married person total indifference and disregard.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Lol...thank you....I was afraid people would take it the wrong way.  I know when I was single it was written all over my face and I would get so obsessed with finding someone that I probably forced men away.  When I eventually became less interested in finding someone because I just didn't care either way or wasn't looking to become serious because some idiot just hurt me, that's when I would attract the most men.

You are right, disrespect wasn't the right word, the act is disrespectful but it is the disregard for someone else's relationship that makes me upset.  Even though, it's really the fault of the committed party.  But I think people shouldn't purposely go for those who are unavailable.  

I had a man actually approach me and tell me that he noticed I was wearing a ring and if it was an engagment ring and when I said yes, he proceeded to ask me if I was really going to get married.  I was so disgusted with him.  Why else would I wear the ring if I had no intention of getting married.  To me I was already practically married since I live with my fiance and we share a child, but of course you can't expect people to know that....lol.
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Avatar_f_tn
I would agree with mami1323 on this one , so the question is why do men do that????,why can't they leave us unavailable ones alone. Before i got married they would come to me , I actually had to pick , now that was difficult, I guess I didn't act like I was looking  for a relationship, Just being natural lol Sandy
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145992_tn?1341348674
Cause they don't care.  They are not looking for anything but sex so go for someone who can't commit.  It's that simple.
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1125172_tn?1259875215
I agree miami. I guess men dont understand the fact that if I wanted another man I would get a divorce. I dont need to cheat, because I am being taken care of at home very well.

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285927_tn?1380802356
I think they simply think they can play without all the attachment stuff. And I think it makes them feel superior over the womans hubby somehow if he can get what someone else has. Same for women. IMO
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Avatar_n_tn
A lot of men are looking for a hookup that does not have any strings.  And they probably think that if you're out without your husband, that you're looking for the same thing.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I totally agree with Mami.  It's not about the challenge - it's that they want sex right now and don't want to have to deal with a woman who will want a relationship.  They just want a woman who will really,  really regret it in the morning but by that time she'll be long gone.  

They want a prostitute type relationship  but don't really have the bucks to pay for it.   So they look for a drunk married woman.

(I'm not saying you specifically are drunk,  netgal,  but that's why men approach married women in bars).
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145992_tn?1341348674
Definitely. Its an easy lay for them if they do get it. Plus they feel that the worse thing that could happen would be she says no. If she says yes he's hit the jackpot. I think women who seek married men are a different breed. I think they just lack self worth and get a boost in esteem when an unavailable man wants her and pays attention to her.
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Avatar_f_tn
I saw something on the news about women who go after married men.  Some like the fact that (some) married men are easy and can't really have any claims on their time. Usually the man is so happy to be having hot sex that the excitement is intoxicating - for a while.   There are women that like great sex with no attachments too and a married guy can be perfect for this type of thing.  They can't expect much from the lady b/c it's a given that he is already committed to another woman.  It's not talked about very much but these preditory women do  exist.  They don't want a commitment, especially with a guy that so easily cheats on his wife.  These affairs are thought of as a "good time" and nothing more.  If and when the woman does want to settle down, she is going to go after a different type of man anyway and hopefully one that doesn't cheat.

It's the  woman that go for married guys in an attempt to "catch" him and marry him that have self esteem issues.    If a man cheats on his wife for you, then leaves the wife and marries you, he will probably cheat on you once the newness of the relationship wears off.  A leopard doesn't change his spots.   People like that are always looking for something exciting and new and lets face it, a real relationship can be quite boring at times.  

I don't agree with cheating at all.  If you aren't happy, talk it out or leave.  Why people waste other peoples time is beyond me.  
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Avatar_f_tn
It's really sad how men go after married women. It must be for their ego or for the game. I love my husband and it is just sad how this game has the potential of hurting a whole family. Seriously?.....what kind of man must he be to do such an unkind deed?
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145992_tn?1341348674
The same kind as women who go after married men.  They just don't care.  They want what they want when they want it.  They don't think about who they will hurt.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
I think sometimes they long for what a married couple has and they think if they whew the guy (or I guess girl) that they will get it instantaneously.  Wrong.  It usually ends badly for everyone!    
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Avatar_f_tn
i actually have a funny story about this. hubby, boys and i went to the mall today to pick up my new reading glasses. we all went in. together. hubby and i wearing out wedding bands. we went to the food court for lunch while waiting for them to finish fitting the lenses into the frames. while there hubby noticed a guy watching me. (i noticed few high school aged girls staring at hubby.) well after we went out to the car i went back in. (kids were getting really fussy so hubby stayed in the suv with them while i picked up my finished glasses. i stop at orange julius to get a smoothie (i can't go to the mall and NOT get an orange julius smoothie.) when said guy from 10 minutes prior comes up to me. starts hitting on me. without talking to him i just flash my rings and begin to walk away. he's like "oh baby come on. he's not here right now." I say "no he's in the car with our children." guy  keeps on talking, following me the entire time. i'm thinking alright buddy keep following me. yeah follow me to the passport...see what my marine husband does. well he did. lol. the dumb@$$ followed me out to the vehicle. hubby sees me, sees weirdo behind me. he jumps out and walks over to me. guy starts saying things to hubby. hubby (in all his muscular glory) gets in the guys face. starts doing the drill sgt thing. scares the crap of the guy. who makes one final plea for me to leave my husband and children....then stalks away.

people are psychotic. lol.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Holy moly that's a crazy man.  He has some big set of balls.  To bad it's illegal for the hubby to punch the guy just for disrespecting and being completely psycho.
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Avatar_f_tn
he wanted to...i wanted to let him but we had the boys in the suv. if they hadn't been there i'm almost positive hubby would have beaten the ever living poo out of crazy man.
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with Mami and RockRose, men just want what they can get without a relationship,
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Avatar_f_tn
I've seen married men hit on single or taken women also. I watched a man at a fast food place slip his ring off and go hit on my best friend. it really disgusts me...
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1320839_tn?1274411634
That was an unfortunate hit on YOU!!  Gee . . .  I have a more 'tragic' story really.  My cancer doctor has betrayed my trust in him!!  Once cured basically cured to where I was off the chemo, he started telling me he adored me, called me wonderful names like princess, sweatheart, tried touching me many times and last-but-not-least, the adoring eyes scenario!  They try to pull you in with their gaze, their look of adoration, etc.  I am in 50's, the guy is in his late 30's!!  I just can't still believe all this.  I am under his care still into my 3rd year and all he gets from me is 'professionalism' all the way.  He keeps trying, unreal . . . seems something can't be right at home.  He has three small children to boot.  I dn't feel I could ever harm children from another family.  My husband is good to me.  I just hate going there for my treatments.  I am on 'preventive' treatments now and off the hard-core chemo stuff.  He sees me better, now he wants me for himself/or should I say his sexual needs for whatever reason.  He did save my life but I don't want to 'loose' my 'real' life either to s scumbag.  Hope you enjoyed my story because it's horribly/tragically true.  There's so much more . . .  
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908392_tn?1316526499
..because men can.

Maybe they like the chase and like going after something they know they shouldn't go for.

I dunno.
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Avatar_m_tn
Maybe the men don't realize you are married and your sister is not.
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