Whenever I am pretty much acquaintances with someone or newly friends, they tend not to look me in the eye much, but this only happens when I am with one of my other friends. They always direct the conversation towards her, but only making eye contact with me occasionally. I hate to admit it, but it bugs me A LOT! I am not a scary person, I don't have weird things growing off my face. I think I'm attractive, but others, mostly women and sometimes men seem like they are uncomfortable around me. I am fairly shy, but I always try to engage with others. I feel like I always ask way more questions about them than they do about me. Maybe I have too high of expectations, but I just feel like people don't warm up to me quickly. My self esteem is pretty low for multiple reasons, but this contributes. I feel like people don't like me.
Do you think you are a smiley person, sometimes the look on our faces says it all, so try smiling more and laughing, cultivate a better sense of humor,people like to laugh, you say you are shy so maybe it is your demeanor of that shyness they pick up on and dont want to make you feel uncomfortable, practise in front of the mirror , look welcoming, as if you really want to hear what they have to say and ask them pertinent questions .
Hi lulu22du. I think I`ve got the answer. You said that you are attractive right. Well take it from me I think that that`s why people can`t look you in the eyes. Quite simply, they feel intimidated. Either of course by your looks or by your manner. I`ve gone and still go through this and I have actually been told that the reason is because of my looks. It`s not a bad thing. It means that those people actually like you. I used to think that there was something on my face or I had food between my teeth but the more I found out that these people I would meet actually couldn`t talk to me because of my looks, the better I felt, and as I felt better, my self-esteem improved to the point where I have all the confidence in the world when it comes to meeting people. Believe it or not, it put a smile on my face and it will to you too. Don`t take it to heart, it`s those people that meet you that are shy with you and not the other way around. Just be yourself and people will like you for who you are. Take Care
I have exactly the same issue. When I'm with my husband and another person, I try to make conversation with the other person by asking questions. And the other person will answer my question by looking at my husband instead of me! I am a very smiley person, and considerably attractive, but I feel really put off when other people refuse to look me in the eye. I still don't understand why it happens.
This is a very old thread that's been revived, but it's interesting timing. I've become aware last week that I do this same thing - I look at certain people in the room or at the table, and not at others.
So I thought about this, and I think Lulu and Nem may have two different situations.
Lulu - people don't look or not look at someone in a conversation based on how pretty they are. They do it based on whose response is in the "center" of the conversation. It has nothing to do with physical prettiness - it has to do with who they're more connected with in the conversation. Some people are good at group conversations, others are more hesitant. It has nothing to do with how much people like you, or how pretty you are, but how good you are at group interactions. My guess is you connect pretty well one on one.
Nem - if this only happens when you're with your husband, it sounds like you're perky and enthusiastic and is your husband kind of aloof and hard to read but intense looking? In a conversation with a couple, I might look more often at the person who seems "unconvinced" or even a little bit of a skeptic more than I would a person who is already won over and easy to converse with. This happens when I'm with my husband too, and another person. Like in a home decor store with a sales person. I ask the questions, they answer to him. Because frankly, he's almost off-puttingly aloof. Is that your situation? This doesn't happen to me in any other circumstance.
Guess every situation is different. I'm not that confident at all, in fact i've been working on a social phobia for all my life. However lately I'm feeling better about myself and I experiment a lot with holding eye contact. That in itself may sound pretty positive but I've found that a lot of people look away or become uncomfortable. This makes me really insecure and paranoid. Its hard for me to smile in these situations. So somehow I have the feeling my gaze is to tense or intimidating. I know I don't have to make eye contact but somehow I can't go back.
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