Problems in the home

I guess this is kinda a vent. These last few years have been bad and im not saying there isnt good time because their are. In the last year my mother got RA(artrithus) Well shes had it but it finaly came out full blast.I dont pretend to understand nor do i say i understand. I can't! She became addictted to pain killers for a short time and now its a consent struggle to not fall off. I try to be their for her but even my heart is cold. I have turned that way. I struggle with my own problems and am sliping into becoming a shut-in. My mother and FAther are always fighting and i get pulled ibnto the middle. I know i seem old for that but thats just how it is. They want me to be on one side or the other and at times its hard if i go one way im the enemy. I spent my dads weekend with him and she slept the day away. When she got up she claim he brain washed me to his side when i disagree with her. Ever little problem is on him right now. He feels the oppisite way it seems. She gets bad and claims no one loves her and it goes on and on. IT used to make me feel sad but that sorrow turned to anger and now i just find it annoying. I feel targeted by it. She wont listen to me no matter how much i tell her we love her and things. This morning she was in a flarup and says she doesn't want to live. I dont know what to do anymore.

                  At times i resent her for all of this. Ive missed work i found her almost dead from ODing and yes thats what it took to straighten her out. What a bad day that image burned into my mind. The people in the ambulance told her that she died for a few second and they didnt think she was going to get out of it. The things shes done in the last few years have drawn me closer from my father and farther away from her. I have so many things i  need to get done in my life that this just seems to make it harder. Whats worse is i have no one to talk to. No one thats just a friend to can relate or just be their for me. She stays up late and leaves notes for me and my father to read and its always how we dont understand or we dont care or she thought things would be different.


                
                 Is this selfish of me? Should i try harder to understand? Am I a failure of a son? I just done understand what am i to do. MY dad gave her a massage (thats what he does ) She was falling asleep and it hurt when he went over the sore parts and then was upset because i wouldn't tell him to lighten up on her. This only makes me feel more alone. I HATE this world! I Hate people! All this stress coming from every where. What upsets me more is on her days when shes "tired" all day. Whihc usualy means she took one to many pills. not always. She goes out to target and stays there all day with me and when she tired she does stupid things and its embarasing. She falls asleep while driving or atleast she dose in and out.

               While at target i say some people deced out in gang clothes or u know the baggy pants the white tees and a black hankerchief with those designs on it. You can tell there no good when they walk in groups. but what freaked me out more was i wanted to kill them all right there. Pull out a gun and just shoot them up. I hate people like that. I wish the goverment would do something about them. I have an idea why dont we use all that money sent over to haiti to clean up our streets Rant time- I dont mind us send help all over the world. But how often does America get help? Will other countries come here to help our homeless? But what really pisses me off is that every other ******* nation hate the US they mock us but the moment something goes wrong who the **** is on the scene the mother *******
U. S. of A. I dont like regular news so i use the web or bbc does some good stuff. So all im saying is dont be too faced. Like us and get our help hate us and dont.    

[narla]

Hey you really needed to vent
     Not all countries hate the US,Australia have been allies with the US since the 1st world war.We fought in the 2nd WW,Korea,Vietnam,the 1st gulf war,2nd gulf war and we are also in Aghanistan fighting with the US.but I know what your getting at.As for your parents you need to try and detach yourself from their pettyness,just say to them,I'm not getting involved in your arguments leave me out of it,Tell them they need to work it out for themselves and not rely on you to get involved.Good Luck talk again soon

Denise  

[Cloudwindgate]

thank-you but that doesn't because then  i get the cold shoulder from my dad or my mom tells me how i dont love her how she never thought shed have a son that wouldnt support her. The fights more heated now then earlier

[narla]

But you can't keep living like this,are your parents still together,can you talk to them about counselling,this is not healthy for you,why not write about your feelings in 2 letters and give one to each of them to read when you are not near them,stay in your room while they read them.make sure both letters are the same about how you feel,don't talk about them individually,only as a couple and how this is hurting you mentally.I'm sure they'll see where you are coming from,at least give it a try.

Good Luck  Denise    

[DeeDee694]

Why did you go off on so many other subjects when the problem is your relationship with your parents.  Your anger is completely normal.  No matter how much you love someone if all they ever to is complain and lament you find that you don't want to be around them.  You have your own problems and it just brings you down when you are trying to cope the best way you know how. Narla's suggestion of a letter to each of then is a good idea.  However I have a feeling they are beyond positive responsive.  This is the time for tough love.  Tell them you love them both dearly but you cannot continue to live in that house under the circumstances.  If you don't have anywhere to go, perhaps vist a friend or another relative for a week or so.  Maybe they'll see you're serious, and quit the crap and grow up!