????

I want to cut off my toe so the woman in my head can be happy! I love her! She's my best friend!!!! Besides the obvious, what do I do? I see a therapist, doctor, been in psychiatric programs for 4 years....I've been off my meds for over 3 months now. Ummmm, it's the holidays, I cant go back. And she cant leave me, or I will Die with her!!!! Um, But if I take meds, then she will leave me! So if I take something out of me, or put something in me forever, she will be with me forever....right???? Please....any advice?

[Nikodicreta]

Hey Pootagirl.
Welcome to the forum.
Need advice? Sure!
"She" is "You". She can't leave you the same way you can't leave yourself!
It's a love-hate relationship actually. You know what's the funniest thing in life?
Things are what they are. Only our perception and our thinking makes them different than what they are!
  You see this woman in your head, I see an aspect of yourself instead.
Your therapist may see something different. But it is what it is. And NOBODY can change
what it is. But ANYBODY can change his or her perceptions and thoughts!
I used to think that pain is bad when I was young. I hated pain. Now many years later,
pain is not so bad. I don't like pain, but  I don't hate pain either. My perception is different, so pain to me now carries a message that something is wrong and something should be done about it.
I didn't like spicy food, now I love it! The spicy food hasn't changed, my perception has.
  O.K. Now some useful stuff- Hopefully!
It will be short. I know you have imagination. Actually it is very strong.
Use your imagination to surround yourself with a light.
Make it any color you like and surround your whole body with it. Make this light  strong, make it like a bright shield. Do not allow anything bad to enter from now on. Only great things can come in. Like warmth, joy, love and most important Healing Power.
The nice part about all this is that you are in  control all the time. You are now in peace with your other aspect (my perception of this woman) as you are allowing this Healing Power to come in and fix things. As you are breathing in you are taking in this Power, as you are breathing out you are expelling anything that you do not want to keep.
Pootagirl, follow this daily, and you can create anything you desire. As long as the above
plan is respected
And soon enough your new inner world will become your new outer world.
It is that simple....
By the way, getting off the meds , was it your choice? Just curious. Any withdrawal effects?
If you want, please post again
I'm sending you some energy to help you get started. It's up to you to accept it or not.
Take care,
Niko

[jrchop]

very powerful therapy I also believe this works. In a sense I have to use such methods. I usually go to a body of water and sit there and watch the water and let it swarm my thoughts and feelings. I can sit there for hours and only seems like minutes or sometimes minutes feel like days.The only thing I allow to enter into my mind is positive healing therapy. Oh of course the negative tires and I do everything I can to block the memories of how the bad began or I have defeated the purpose of healing. When I feel I am swarmed by positive power I let the healing begin. Thank you for yours insight to pootagirl. Let the power of positive and personal perception apply. I cannot fish right now since I am in an shoulder immobilizer and will be for a at least three more weeks,and that does not allow me to fish but I make the most of the power invested by God to allow my mind to be overcome by his power and take the demon possessing my negative power and allowing the positive power in.

[Pootagirl]

Sometimes a lot of me knows that I dont deserve to feel any better.....and that part punishes the part that does. I hate myself....I deserve to DIE!!!! I dont want to, but sometimes you must do things you musnt want.....
I uhhhh....dont care  what I/she/anyone does to me or my body....I could care less.....I just dont want anyone to care about me. I just want to do whatever without anyone finding out.And I dont know how to do that.
And when I was released from the hospital in August, they didnt give me that many meds, and I soon ran out, and I just got a dr. appt last week, but I really dont want to take them. There used to be a man in my head, now its a woman, more suicidal thoughts....self harming....sexual fantasies....