Pain is highly variable with herpes; some lesions hurt, others don't. Partly it relates to the body part affected. The lips and face have more pain nerve endings and the skin is more tightly bound to the underlying tissues than, for example, the skin of the penile shaft. (Try to pick up and stretch the skin of your lip compared to your penis.) Also, lesions on moist surfaces, such as the vaginal or penile opening, ulcerate early and can be extremely painful, while at the same time a lesion on nearby dry skin can be painless. This is the main reason genital herpes tends to be worse in women than men.
Quick follow up - so genital herpes sores, unlike oral herpes sores, can be painless? I ask because I've had many, many cold sores in my life and they are all incredibly painful.
From your description, trauma/irritation from the hand job seems the most likely explanation for the lesion you describe. However, this is by no means certain; I suppose it is possible you have herpes in addition to the Fordyce spots. No matter what the cause of a skin lesion, healing takes several days after a lesion is open or bleeds. Presence or absence of pain also doesn't help in judging one cause or another. However, if you have herpes, it is very unlikely you caught it during the sexual exposures you describe.
1) Herpes is not transmitted by hand-genital contact and condoms are highly protective. If you have herpes, you probably caught it sometime other than the sexual exposures in June.
2) Any skin lesion can become inflamed if rubbed or irritated.
3) Usually 3-5 days, sometimes up to 10 days, rarely as long as 3 weeks.
4) As I said above, presence or absence of pain doesn't help judge any particular cause.
All things considered, herpes seems unlikely. Since the lesion is now healing, there probably isn't much point in being examined. Of course see a provider promptly if irritation reappears in the future, especially if there blister-like lesions. After about 3 months you could have a blood test to see if you are infected with HSV-2 (in addition to HSV-1, which apparently you already have).
Regards--- HHH, MD