ready to give up on my 4 year old..

[kennedysmomma]

My 4 year daughter Kennedy has me going insane. I watch her as she acts out and its almost like ADHD then Bipolar. She hits.. pinches.. slaps.. screams.. curses... She is out of control. I am almost affraid of sending her to daycare of to school. She is SO mean to her little brother.. Tonight i walked into my room and she was on top of him. Mind you he weighs about 25 lbs to her 60 lbs. i spank..timeout... wash the mouth out with soap.... grounding.... take snacks away .... toys get thrown away .. I am just at my wits end.......I dont know what to do .. Do you have any advice????

Thanks.. Amy Martinez


This discussion is related to 4 yr old daughter out of control?.

[jdtm]

Sounds just like my granddaughter (and her treatment of her younger brother).  She begins school (for the first time) in two weeks.  I think she just might be nervous and scared about this unknown venture in her life.  I wondering ... could this be similar in your family ....

[supermomma531]

I agree with with specialmom. I'd try her advice and try it for a few months. Over time things will start to fall into place. A positive approach to the situation and clear set rules that they can understand is the key factor. Clear understanding of the consequences as well. Maybe make a rules chart and post it somewhere in your house visible to all family members. Rules and consequence charts may help make the situation better. Good luck

[specialmom]

Hi, 4 year olds are difficult creatures.  I thought it was just the terrible twos but have since learned that the terrible part lasts a lot longer.  At 4, your daughter is still testing the water as to what she can get away with.  I'm a big fan of believing that kids want to be good.  But if they've gotten into a pattern of lots of attention for being bad, they roll with it.  So I'd suggest trying to break the pattern and lavish attention when she does something right.  Sometimes it is so hard to find this, but the least little thing----  make a big deal out of it.  A reward chart where she gets some one on one time with you or an activity she loves (park, picnic, playdate, etc.) may help.  She is probably old enough to understand this.  I've put beans in a jar and when my kids get to a certain number for good deeds, they get the planned reward.  Then when she acts up----  you've done the right thing.  Consistent, firm rules that you enforce no matter what and where you are.  Time outs work well but I always wonder about spanking when you have a child that is slightly aggressive as you describe your daughter to be.  It might send the wrong message but I know that people have very different opinions on this and to each his own in that arena.  I also try to think of my childs most valued thing  and use that as a bargaining chip.  I take it away-----  but then they have to EARN it back.  I keep this short though because at that young age, they can't work on earning it back for days.  I'd make sure you model behavior you want her to exhibit (no swearing, yelling, etc)Lastly, your daughter might benefit from your playing up that she is the BIG sister and offer her SPECIAL jobs as the big sister.  (I have boys 15 months apart and I will say that when it came to anything violent between them, we have a zero tolerance policy.  It is the worst of the worst crime at our house and my boys pretty much adhere to that.  We made a big deal out of it when they were younger and now talk about bully behavior and they respond to that.  Kids don't want to be bullies.)  By the way, is the behavior just at home with family or everywhere?  Good luck.  Being a parent is hard work!