Aa
HELP
I have a 9 year old daughter who is very smart and witty. She has been a handful for us and now it seems she is out of control. Our son, who is 7 years older, was nothing like this. She is a sweet, caring young lady. She is wonderful at school, the teachers love her. We see a side that is getting untolerable and affecting the family. She talks out, interrupts, cries at the drop of a hat, jealous with her friends at times, bossy, argumentative, she thinks she knows everything and will argue, has to have the last word knowing she will be in trouble, low self esteem at times, will do things knowing she will get in trouble at times, lazy, messy, has trouble with focus at times, always talking, has trouble comprehending when reading due to not focusing or reading too fast, cries when friends go home, I can't go and do anything without her, she cries, she is disrespectful toward us at times, then will be the sweetest child? I do not know what to do, I have talked with her doctor, no luck. I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been home the last two years with the kids, due to illness. We always praise her, reward her, love her...what are we doing wrong? She does well in school, but is lazy with reading. I don't want to put her on medicine, unless it is natural. Something has to give here! Any info would be appreciated!!!!!
This discussion is related to My 8 year old daughter is out of control.
This discussion is related to My 8 year old daughter is out of control.
A few things came to mind for me when reading your post. First, as the others have mentioned, the onset of puberty. Second, the possibility of anxiety or ADHD. And third, has she ever had an eye exam?
I want to especially touch on the eye exam, as I have an almost 7 year old son who has a personality similar to your daughter: very sweet but sometimes hypersensitive, dramatic, hyperactive, interrupts, is loud in general, and especially over this last year has become quite bossy and argumentative, as well as showing some jealous behavior toward his 20 month old brother, and having a competitive streak towards his peers; he always wants to have the upper hand, it seems. In school, he's a great student aside from the typical "trouble" he gets into from talking *all the time.*
However, his reading over the past year, as he was learning, was a battle. It seemed difficult for him as his classmates seemed to be picking it up and "getting it" fairly easily. His handwriting was horrible also--all over the place and nearly illegible, words and numbers backwards consistently and he'd spell things that phonetically did not match what he wrote, which was often complete nonsense. I worked with him over summer break every single day, hoping to see progress by the time he'd start 1st grade, but nothing. He could read, but he had no clue what he'd just read. He could look at a word, read it, or stumble through a sentence and barely remember what he'd just read a moment ago, or forget it altogether.
I thought he was lacking attention and motivation since I'd have him read and write the same things day after day. I honestly believed he was being lazy for a few weeks before it dawned on me that maybe he couldn't see what he was doing.
I took him for an eye exam, and while he's slightly farsighted (hardly enough to even need glasses, but he got them anyway), a basic and thorough exam revealed that his eyes were not tracking (moving side to side to follow something--he was moving his whole head) and he had almost no accommodation ability to focus from far to near and near to far. This had nothing to do with his eye sight, but rather, how the eyes work to send messages to the brain.
He started vision therapy last month a week after starting 1st grade, and let me tell you--his reading and writing have improved leaps and bounds in that time. It's absolutley amazing how quickly the therapy affected him.
Since then, he is actually calmer and much more motivated to do not just reading and writing, but physical activities that involve the ability to focus with his eyes as well, such as coloring, playing with Legos, catching a ball, and even riding a bike.
Quite honestly, his "anxious" and "lazy" behavior has all but disappeared. He's still hyper and impulsive, competitive, argumentative, loud, and will yack your ears off, but he's also more motivated and confident in himself, not as clingy, needy, or dramatic when it comes to homework, and I've watched his grades start in 1st grade at C+'s and go to A's and A+'s in one month.
Anyway, I'd recommend an eye exam if she hasn't had one already and have them test her vision ability (not just her eye sight). Oftentimes, the vision problems are so subtle that no one really notices and the child struggles for years just to see properly without even knowing it's such a struggle. You mentioned the difficulty she has with comprehending what she reads at times and oftentimes seems "lazy," "messy," and displays low self esteem. Just a thought--so I wanted to give you my personal experience.
Other than that, I'd look into any concerns you might have about ADHD just in case, but other than that, I think the onset of puberty is playing a big part in her behavior.
I want to especially touch on the eye exam, as I have an almost 7 year old son who has a personality similar to your daughter: very sweet but sometimes hypersensitive, dramatic, hyperactive, interrupts, is loud in general, and especially over this last year has become quite bossy and argumentative, as well as showing some jealous behavior toward his 20 month old brother, and having a competitive streak towards his peers; he always wants to have the upper hand, it seems. In school, he's a great student aside from the typical "trouble" he gets into from talking *all the time.*
However, his reading over the past year, as he was learning, was a battle. It seemed difficult for him as his classmates seemed to be picking it up and "getting it" fairly easily. His handwriting was horrible also--all over the place and nearly illegible, words and numbers backwards consistently and he'd spell things that phonetically did not match what he wrote, which was often complete nonsense. I worked with him over summer break every single day, hoping to see progress by the time he'd start 1st grade, but nothing. He could read, but he had no clue what he'd just read. He could look at a word, read it, or stumble through a sentence and barely remember what he'd just read a moment ago, or forget it altogether.
I thought he was lacking attention and motivation since I'd have him read and write the same things day after day. I honestly believed he was being lazy for a few weeks before it dawned on me that maybe he couldn't see what he was doing.
I took him for an eye exam, and while he's slightly farsighted (hardly enough to even need glasses, but he got them anyway), a basic and thorough exam revealed that his eyes were not tracking (moving side to side to follow something--he was moving his whole head) and he had almost no accommodation ability to focus from far to near and near to far. This had nothing to do with his eye sight, but rather, how the eyes work to send messages to the brain.
He started vision therapy last month a week after starting 1st grade, and let me tell you--his reading and writing have improved leaps and bounds in that time. It's absolutley amazing how quickly the therapy affected him.
Since then, he is actually calmer and much more motivated to do not just reading and writing, but physical activities that involve the ability to focus with his eyes as well, such as coloring, playing with Legos, catching a ball, and even riding a bike.
Quite honestly, his "anxious" and "lazy" behavior has all but disappeared. He's still hyper and impulsive, competitive, argumentative, loud, and will yack your ears off, but he's also more motivated and confident in himself, not as clingy, needy, or dramatic when it comes to homework, and I've watched his grades start in 1st grade at C+'s and go to A's and A+'s in one month.
Anyway, I'd recommend an eye exam if she hasn't had one already and have them test her vision ability (not just her eye sight). Oftentimes, the vision problems are so subtle that no one really notices and the child struggles for years just to see properly without even knowing it's such a struggle. You mentioned the difficulty she has with comprehending what she reads at times and oftentimes seems "lazy," "messy," and displays low self esteem. Just a thought--so I wanted to give you my personal experience.
Other than that, I'd look into any concerns you might have about ADHD just in case, but other than that, I think the onset of puberty is playing a big part in her behavior.
OMG you sound exactly like me and she sounds like my daughter who is 8 to a T!!!
I dont think that anything is wrong. I think that children always misbehave when they are at home and my daughter turns into a different person when she is home and at times she can be an angel.
She still will get frustrated and start crying when she doesnt get her own way, when she is asked to do something etc. She has been difficult from the get go.
I think the key with my daughter is time. I mean real time playing with what she wants to play with and giving her the time that I dont feel like I have. I think for me if I did that she would be different. I was diagnosed with FMS, CFS, I have endometriosis and the list goes on. I am tired allllll the time. I dont feel like I have the energy when she asks me to do stuff. I dont go bike riding, etc. I was also a single mother for 7yrs. So my boyfriend really helps alot now so slowly and grandually I am doing stuff with her but I really feel exhausted by the end of the day.
I think Girls are way different to begin with. More whiny for sure.
I dont think that anything is wrong. I think that children always misbehave when they are at home and my daughter turns into a different person when she is home and at times she can be an angel.
She still will get frustrated and start crying when she doesnt get her own way, when she is asked to do something etc. She has been difficult from the get go.
I think the key with my daughter is time. I mean real time playing with what she wants to play with and giving her the time that I dont feel like I have. I think for me if I did that she would be different. I was diagnosed with FMS, CFS, I have endometriosis and the list goes on. I am tired allllll the time. I dont feel like I have the energy when she asks me to do stuff. I dont go bike riding, etc. I was also a single mother for 7yrs. So my boyfriend really helps alot now so slowly and grandually I am doing stuff with her but I really feel exhausted by the end of the day.
I think Girls are way different to begin with. More whiny for sure.
Ah, puberty. It seems to hit girls harder, and some girls, much harder. One of my three daughters had a difficult puberty. We all recovered from it - eventually. Be patient, if you can.
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