laxative abuse and anorexia

[priorfat]

I am a recovering anorexic. I secretly still am hanging on to laxatives. I use 9 a day. How do I stop? Please don't tell me to tell my doctor. I can't, even though I've tried. Thanks

[connie_dh]

well i can sympathize with you, as i used to be anorexic and used laxatives a lot also.  but the way that i got to stop is simple... i read an article that said it was basically useless to take laxatives, because your body still absorbs all the calories and fat etc.  taking laxatives just gets that "full" feeling out of you, although when you get diarrhea, your stomach swells anyway.  well just remember... laxatives don't do a thing... if you're still concerned about weight loss that is.

hope this helps!

[priorfat]

Thanks for the encouragement, but I need to know what you actually did to stop. I read that my body will swell up if I quit cold turkey. Did you find that to be true? How long a process is it to get your body back to normal?

[busy girl!]

Hi, I so feel your pain! I have been abusing laxatives for almost 9 years. It started with 3 or 4 correctol pills and now I am up to 10-12 a night. My whole life revolves around it. I freak out when I have to get up early because sometimes it keeps me from having my usual bowel movements. Sometims I throw up in the morning and it looks like acid. (sorry to be so gross). I have gone through counseling, anti-depressents,etc and to no avail has it helped me. I know it really doesnt help you lose weight, but it keeps me from gaining. I used to weigh 108 lbs and now I have gained 30 + lbs from steroids that I take for my asthma. It such a humiliating and expensive habit, you know? My doctor used to tell me to just day by day take one less, but I always go back to taking more pills. I have a friend who did this for 20 some years and now at 40,she may have to have part of her colon removed and wear a bag!! I don't want to end up like that. I just wish I knew what to do. I am very addicted to it.

[hm05]

HI I thought it was high time that a fat person speak to you ladies.  I am about 60 lbs overweight, and sorry if I offend anyone, but wake up and realize, that it is very insulting to fat people, that you are so scared of being FAT.  Being fat is not the worst thing in the world, trust me, I have sometimes wished I was anorexic, just to see what the difference is.  I think we are both in a similar boat, as being too fat is not good, and being too thin is not good either.  Unfortunately, the only way people can stop a behavior is with discipline. Many people lack this, and therefore, can not "stop" because it is not a cut and dry issue.  What I can tell you is that, everything we do, must be filtered through our minds first.  There is ALWAYS free-will.  Many people deem anorexia a disease of the mind.  Similar to a body-dismorphic disorder, many fat people, see themselves as "smaller" or "thinner" than they truly are-I don't know if I believe it is a disease, I believe it is more of  a state of mind-you can convince yourself you are something, because you believe you are that thing. For example: I can see myself as ugly, fat, & disgusting, or I can look at myself in a non-bias way, and see that I am a beautiful, smart, & funny person! My suggestion is remove yourself, from yourself for just a while, and read something inspiring, say, for instance- about evolution, and how we as human beings evolved, by higher thinking, to be at the level we are now.  Realize how amazing and wonderful you are at a "human" level, and at a "conscious" level, that you are more than just a body, or a mind, we can transcend the physical self, to see, we are all those things.  You are an amazing creation.  Appreciate that-and do not be your worst critic, I am sure no one would judge you as harshly as you judge yourself!

[priorfat]

I appreciate your concern, but I must take offense at the statement that "it's all in my head and therefore, easy to stop a behavior." Unfortunately, anorexia, compulsive eating, laxative abuse, bulimia, etc ALL have underlying emotional issues. The anorexia is not the cause...it is the EFFECT! Saying to visualize myself as others see me and realize that i look fine is one thing. I actually am getting better...I weighed 88lbs and now weigh 114. I FEEL fat, but I realize I don't look fat to others. I am an intelligent being. I know I'm harming my body...that's not the point. I can't make my mind and my body join forces. Being anorexic or overweight...doesn't matter. The mind is involved. You remind me of my those well meaning individuals who told me to "get a grip and stop being anorexic." As if i had a choice at that point.Theoretically I know I'm harming my body, but emotionally I can't let go of the behavior. I'm asking "how?" not "why." I'm glad that you are happy with yourself and I only wish I could be that lucky. Therapy helped, but it was so expensive i had to stop. Do I wish for my life back? Do I wish I had all my wasted days back? Do I long for the day when i could buy an ice cream cone? You bet! I'd give ANYTHING! Please just don't placate me...it's not that easy...

[shannonv33]

JUST WANTED TO SAY IVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES, SKINNY BUT FELT FAT, WEIGHT 100LBS, NOW THAT IVE HAD A THIRD CHILD AND GOT SICK RIGHT AFTERWARDS, I WEIGH 168LBS , AND FEEL SO DEPRESSED FROM IT ALL. BEING SMALLER I HAD SOOOOOO MUCH MORE ENERGY, NOW I JUST WANT TO STAY AT HOME, AND SNACK MOST OF THE DAY AWAY. I HATE LOOKING IN THE MIRROR MOSTLY NAKED, IS HAS BEEN SO HARD. JUST TO WEIGH 130LBS AGAIN I WOULD BE SO HAPPY, BUT I LOVE MY FOOD AND SWEETS. MY HIGHEST WEIGHT 10 YEARS AGO WAS 200LB, I BECAME BALEMIC (sp)AND LOST IT ALL IN NO TIME. IT WAS HARD TO STOP, I FELT BAD EATING ANYTHING.

[hm05]

Dear Priorfat: Let's forget for a minute that I am fat and you are thin.



You said: "I appreciate your concern, but I must take offense at the statement that 'it's all in my head and therefore, easy to stop a behavior'."



I said:  "Unfortunately, the only way people can stop a behavior is with discipline. Many people lack this, and therefore, can not 'stop' because it is not a cut and dry issue. What I can tell you is that, everything we do, must be filtered through our minds first. There is ALWAYS free-will.



Remember-you said: "Therapy helped, but it was so expensive i had to stop."



I say-Ok, but therapy is mostly to do with "mental" help, not necessarily "physical" help.  You talk, you work things out.



Also, you said- Do I wish for my life back? Do I wish I had all my wasted days back? Do I long for the day when i could buy an ice cream cone? You bet! I'd give ANYTHING!



You would give anything?  I don't think you mean that in a true sense.  I think your body is saying that, your mind is saying..."I won't allow it"  





I say, that you also sound like one of those people who say "just stop", you are one of those people too.  So many people are not connected. They try to claim that their minds and bodies are seperate entities.  In your case it is no different.  Maybe try to work on melding your mind and body to some degree so you are not so

"disconnected."  



So when you say, Theoretically I know I'm harming my body, but emotionally I can't let go of the behavior. I'm asking "how?" not "why."



I am no shrink, but I know, that when we do something "bad" or which is perceived as bad, knowing it is bad or harmful, and WE DO IT ANYWAY, that is just wrong-and it doesn't really matter why it is wrong it just is.  Murder is wrong, if someone kills another person, knowing full well it is the WRONG thing to do consciously, and they STILL DO IT, regardless of why, that person is CHOOSING that behavior. People are conscious beings that have consciousness, awareness, and to say we don't is putting us in a lower catagory of evolutionary advancement.

If you heard the B2K killer say..."Theoretically I knew I was killing and murdering these people, but emotionally I couldn't stop the behavior."  This is what I mean by free-will. We as evolved humans do not get off that easy to make excuses. (And know that I am in no way aligning you with a murderer.  I am only using this as an example.)  



Do you understand? Also, I am not just placating you, I am trying to make a point and that is all.  No one can solve the worlds problems, but you can start with..." me." Sometimes it is the EGO that gets in the way of change. What do you think?

[wind_ryder]

You've gone WAY off topic. This was a thread on how a recovering anorectic can stop abusing laxatives (a concern for many recovering eating disordered people). But you've interupted the thread to start debating being fat over feeling fat. Although a relevant topic it has nothing to do with the post. If you have never dealt with the skinny side of an eating disorder (yes I am appreciative of the fact that bigger people can have an E.D. as well) you don't understand how you can feel like a blimp and look like a twig. It sounds absolutely riduculous and illogic..and guess what? it is! An Eating disorder is VERY illogical to the un-eating disordered person or even an over weigh eating disordered person who has failed to reach an emasculated weight.



But! THIS IS NOT A THREAD ON "Feeling Fat" or "Being fat". It's a thread on how to stop abusing laxatives when you have been using them for weight loss purposes, taken far too many and your body has become dependant on them. So "hm05" if you wish to share your views on being fat over being thin and feeling fat then start a new thread.





Now on to the subject at hand...priorfat: I can sympathize with you too much unfortunately. I have had an eating disorder for about 9 years now and have abused laxatives for close to the entire time. It has been off and on. I've also been able to ween myself off gradually and get my system back to normal at times. Then the urge comes along; a day I'm feeling especially fat and I give into temptation. Well a year and a half ago I gave into temptation and haveconsistently taken them until now. I usually took 5-8 a day (although I have taken as much as 60 at one time in the past). I recently got married and before I did I wanted to get healthy. So I did what worked for me once before: I got a colonic; 3 actually. But it's just not working this time. My body is really messed up because of these things and I'm really lucky that a slow bowel is all that I have wrong as a result of them. I am off the correctol laxatives and now taking herbal laxatives and metamucil (a stool softener). They work sometimes but not always and yes I am eating properly now. I've put on about 7 lbs which doesn't seem like a lot but I wasn't underweight when I tried stopping and I'm not very tall. I've tried Castor Oil (NASTY but it's helped). I've tried a lot. Hopefully you are not quite where I am. Here is a list of the things I find helpful:



~Drink PLENTY of Water (ya I know it makes you feel full but it WILL help)

~Fiber (I eat a bran muffin for breafast and eat flax seed bread. You can also put wheat germ or psyllium on your yogurt or cereal)

~Stool softener (like metamucil that you can use temporary while you ween yourself off the laxatives)

~Abdominal massages (if you have someone to do this like I have my husband they can be very helful to move things along. You can even give them to yourself)

~Eating high fiber foods (like fruits, veggies and baked pototoes. They push stuff down)



I hope this helps. Weight gain will happen but it's temporary so prepare yourself for it and push through it (it's definately worth it in the end). Be strong!

[wind_ryder]

Feel free to email me. I'd love to talk to someone goign through the same thing. Boy is it hard. I've been in recovery for 3-4 years now. Habits are hard to break. And often the people around you don't understand. Just realize that what you're going through isn't unique and that help is out there. I myself am planning on going to a physician this week. I've seriously harmed my bowel and digestive tract. Good luck!

[priorfat]

Thank you for stopping the tirade. You were totally correct when you said we were getting way off base. Unfortunately, everytime I ask that question, that's the response. I'm willing to give it a try. Weening myself one pill a day a week, but then I get scared. I'm getting more scared of the ultimate damage and having to explain that, though, so I really want this to work. You didn't mention if you swelled up. A girl in treatment with me said she swelled up like a balloon, her feet swelled so badly that she had trouble walking. Since my family doesn't know I'm abusing, I don't want them to see me swell up like that. When it comes right down to it, the fear of having to confess the abuse is almost enough to make me want to stop, but not really. I want to get rid of this habit before anyone knows. I've started gaining weight anyway and where the scale used to send me into the depths of depression, it really doesn't affect me much anymore.I know I look better, people tell me so, I see it in pictures...its all good. Now if I can just get this last monkey off my back!



Do let me know what the doctor says. I'm worried that I'm in the same boat, but no way am I ready to tell my physician about it. Good luck! And once again, thanks for hearing me, really hearing