im not sure what is wrong

[im confused]

my girlfriend and i have been together for 6 months and it seems that for the past month she just hasnt been in the modd she says that its not me that i am amazing but i am unsure of what is going on....i dont know if maybe i messed up or im not preforminging right....i we have had a great sexual chemistry until lately. since im a girl i normally now what im doing but now im scared that i just aint good enough...what is wrong?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

You can't know what is going on in her head if she doesn't tell you- Usually when someone isn't interested- it's not a matter of technique. It's usually about the relationship, or something that is worrying them from outside the relationship. Occasionally, ( actually more than occasionally) it can be depression. Again, technique is usually the least of it.



Take a good look at her. Is her mood generally down? Is she unhappy about life in general? Is she sluggish? Sleeping a lot? If any of that is going on it is probably general depression and you need to get her to a therapist and/or doctor to see if they can snap her out of it.



If the two of you haven't been getting along, that could be a bottom line explanation. Have you been having fun out of bed lately? If not, I'd look tothe relationship as the issue.



What about the rest of her life? Is her job upsetting her? Is her family tough on her?  If she has a lot of anxiety about these kinds of things they can supress sexual desire.



You need to know all these kinds of answers- your sexual technique may be the least of it. If none of the above seem like good leads, let me know- and we can talk about how your love making is going, specifically.

[Carolengy]

Ok. hold on is this a same sex relationship, not to judge, just to pin-point some points of view, clarify this please.

[oceans3]

"my girlfriend and i..." and "since i am a girl"

i would say yes, its a same sex relationship.

however...there always can be a typo!

[im confused]

no it is a same sex relationship, sorry i should have clarified. she does seem to be stressed at work at times and we generally have a great time together, its just the sex that seems to be bad. and at times i feel i may be pressuring her without knowing. i feel bad about it. i just want her to be happy and have everything she deserves in life. and maybe i am doing something wrong outside of the bedroom i dont know.

[pertykitty]

are one of you new to this same sex relationship? maybe her mind is causing problems. maybe she isnt sure. maybe she is and its just someone  or something else. sex with any kind of couple takes time to become great. sometimes its great from the start. but mostly it takes time to learn each other.

[Carolengy]

I have to agree with what pertykitty is saying, you know as a girl that sex with us go hand by hand with so many other issues, I don't doubt that you really love her,is she really sure about her sexuality? is she there anything bothering her? you said she is stressed out at work, that could be a reason, and yes, I think that like any other couple, the sex drive lowers after a while, so once you know that she is ok. with her sexuality, and clarify any other aspects, just relax if it's yours it won't go away.

Good luck!

[mumwith#4]

Guys I think im confused has already clarified that it's NOT a same sex relationship.



However im confused, I think you might want to stop thinking about your feelings in all this and start thinking about your girlfriend's feelings. Have you tried talking with her in depth about what's going on in her life without putting it like "so what's up with not being in the mood?"



There's a lot to be said for genuine sensitivity - not the sort that has an alterior motive of getting some. Sorry to come across a bit blunt, but that's my opinion.