Can't ejaculate during intercourse, only masturbation...

[username11]

I've seen forums with other men who have had similiar problems, but need some clarification on what the best way to heal myself is.



I'm a healthy 19 year old man. During my teenage years I had intercourse and oral sex with many girls and had no problems ejaculating.



I broke up with my girlfriend, and had "dry spell". I did not have sex for about 8-9 months, and the only times I ejaculated was through masturbation.



Last week I had sex again, and could not reach an orgasm. I would imagine it is because I "trained" myself to only orgasm a certain way. The sex felt decent, but I never came close to  climax.



What's the best way to regain my sensitivity or enable myself to orgasm through regular intercourse or oral sex again? Should I quit masturbating totally?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

Yes, I would consider stopping masturbation, at least for awhile. I think you are right, you have trained yourself to have orgasms one way--and you have to try conditioning yourself to a new pattern- if you want to have an orgasm with a partner during intercourse.  

   Let yourself get good and horny. Don't relieve it.  When you get together, take sex slow, sensual and just enjoy it. Your deprivation plus not building your anxiety is likely to make orgasm inevitable. Just don't bang away hard and fast- that can actually numb sensation in some men.  Take it slow, make love, rush nothing. Makesure that woman you are with is not someone who you feel ambivalent about. That is another feeling that may be impeding your ability to have an orgasm during intercourse. You may still be missing your ex girlfriend or comparing who are with to her and finding that the woman you are with doesn't compare favorable. Partners do matter- and that is what this might be all about.

   I think experimenting with someone you care about with either oral sex or intercourse and putting no pressure on yourself ( youcan satisfy her orally or manually) will help train yourself back to being a fully functional lover in any manner that you want.

[username11]

One thing I forgot to mention, it may matter..



I don't masturbate using the tradition "closed fist" style.

Instead I rub myself with my palm (similiar to how a girl would I asusme)



This leads me to also believe that the fact I do not mimic typical intercourse during masturbation is creating an obstacle for me.



I would assume my options are to either begin masturbating the "normal" way or to restrain from it all together. Which is best

[Trialanderror]

Just keep practicing...it will come back. I went through even longer "dry spells" and was so used to my own masturbative world that I was just overwhelmed the first time I had sex again. After the fifth time or so I had remembered how to let go. But this is a woman`s advice. Hope you get some dude responses, too.

[mami2karina]

I've had guys with the same problem or in fact they were virgins and couldn't climax.  Anal or oral sex almost always helped if the girls into that.

[username11]

Well its been about a week since I posted initially.



I've had sex maybe 4-5x during the past week or so, I ejaculated twice. One time was within 20 minutes and the other took about 90minutes. The other times we had sex 2 hours+ and I never ejaculated.



To be honest, it feels great knowing I can go on for a long time and please my girl, but I'm concerned something is potentially wrong. The sex feels great, I feel like I'm ready to ejaculate  but then I lose it.



Does this sound like a mental problem? I don't think its physical because I can ejaculate from time to time during sex (and always during masturbation) but its never 100% and it seems to take an extremely long time.



I've also "retired" from masturbation to attempt to regain sensitivity. Any more opinions/help is greatly appreciated.

[scrizzskillz]

Hey, I've been going around the internet looking for  place to post thats easy to join, and is fairly recent so i hope someone can respond quickly. unlike the first guy, i smoke weed almost everyday, and drink every weekend, but im still kinda healthy, i can run from cops pretty quickly. Ok, so i've been a virgin till i met this girl, and shes amazing, and like others i used to masterbate alot. shes 2 yeas older than me and has alot more experience obviously, so this is an odd thing. so  we've had sex 5 times, but each time she cums a good 2 or 3 times (or as much as she can take) and i still never bust. i can when i beat off, but i never seems i can with her. but like the last post says, i will get close to climax, but then it just vanishes, i hope its psychological because i dont want to have to go talk to anyone because its too out of the way. last night i went for about 3/4 of an hour until she was done. it also sucks because i make her *** really easily, just because it makes me feel good i guess, and after she asked me if its because she isnt hot enough, which definatley isnt the case, shes a beautiful blonde with big melons and a nice ***, not to mention a wild personality that i love. please brothers, help me because its killing me and my nuts with this problem.

[HappilyMarried]

Definetly a mental thing, ... I have the same probelm, you get to thinking about whether or not you can come this time and the more you want to the harder it'll be. Your penis is not something you can control, it has a mind of its own. Sometimes I lose my erection because I start to think it is going soft and I want it to be harder and I try to get it harder and then panic sets in and poof! there it goes. Same with ejaculation, . i've been there,... gosh my body is kinda tired and I wish I could *** and finish the moment correctly, . .I wonder what she's thinking, . . I want to please her by getting off too. . . and the more you want it the less your chances are of getting off. The trick is to let the thoughts go, .. try to keep from cuming, . .works for me. Like instead of thinking I wish I could *** try thinking I don't want to come I wanna keep going. It also might help to explore things and add a taboo element to it (I like to play with and lick her *******, you might think it's sick but it gets me hard and horny as hell). Hope this helps. . bottomline = totally mental and you might be hiding something you're ashamed, of we all do it, share it with her and you'll be surprised where it'll go.

[idesofmarch]

You could also be afraid of total loss of control in front of your partner. That is my problem I think.