Worried To DEATH

[blondie003]

hi. i'm absolutly scared out of my mind. all i do is cry and cry and cry and i can't deal with it anymore. this past weekend, my boyfriend and i were fooling around, and my hands were in his pants, with his semen on them. He put his hands in his pants too, on top of mine, it's not like he was doing it himself or anything so i know that not much if any actual semen was on his hands. then, he tried to finger me, but i made him get up and go and wash his hands. probably 5 to 10 minutes after the semen was on his hand, he fingered me, after washing his hands of course. He didn't actually go "up inside" of me when he fingered me, but he was "down there." Am i pregenant?! oh, i'm also on birth control, but i really don't want to fall abck on that, b/c i don't ALWAYS take it regular. I'm on seasonal, the 3 month w/o a period kind, and I'm due to have my period in 2 weeks. I'm so scared, I cannot wait two weeks. I really need a reply. Thanks!

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

   The chances of this getting your pregnant are not zero- but they are as close to zero as you can get. You need a lot more sperm than that-- plus sperm hate oxygen so they don't last long outside the vagina- and while they are swimmers- they are not necessarily climbers and they are unlikelyto get from the outside of your vulva into your vagina and still be able to move up to your cervix.

   What I suggest is you get a good basic education book about sexuality. There are so many out there- and they are fun to read. I have just gotten several in my mail box that will be new on the market and in the mass book stores like Barnes and Noble and Boarders right away.  Why don't you and your boyfriend read a book together, discuss what you are learning and be a good team together armed with good sound information.

   Last thought. GEt on another kind of birth control. If you are missing taking them sometimes, this is not the type for you. Perhaps one of the new really effective IUDs or one of the hormonal kinds that last for years. If your doctor says these would be good types of birth control for you- follow his advice. Take the worry out of it!

[linm4]

Please try not the worry. It is very unlikely that you could have gotten pregnant this way. How long have you been on this type of birth control? Sometimes hormonal methods can really mess with your body and brain. This might be why you feel like crying all the time. I would try to calm down and maybe see about switching or using non-hormonal methods.

[blondie003]

no. i've only been crying since the past weekend when this happened because I'm so scared and stressed out about it. I've been on this birth control for..at least 2 years now..i CANT be pregenant. I mean, people TRY to get pregenant, and doesn't sperm die when it hits the air anyways..so my science teacher has hinted at..I mean, I'm not even sure that if got on his hand at all, but I know that he got up and washed them. I'm just really scared and absolutly freaking out..I'm a virgin..I've NEVER been in this kind of situation before and I am just scared to death.

[linm4]

I'm sorry you are so scared. I remember being scared about that sort of thing too to some degree. Your chances of being pregnant this way are nearly non-existant though. Especially if he washed his hands, the sperm are not going to survive that.

[blondie003]

are u sure?..i mean i even was told sperm die as soon as they come in contact with air..and this was like 10 minutes later..but he said he washed his hands with soap like..twice..and he didn't actually go "inside" me..im just soo scared..this is like a horrible nightmare.

[linm4]

I don't know about the contact with air thing but I don't think they could survive for long at all.

[monkeyflower]

You cannot possibly be pregnant. No way, no how. For one thing, there's no way sperm can survive a washing (or even just wiping his hands dry). Sperm are extremely delicate, and while they don't die in air, they do die when the fluid they're in is dry. And despite what your teachers/parents/friends might try to tell you, it's just not that easy to get pregnant. He has to pretty much ejaculate in your vagina, or on your vulva, at the opening of your vagina, while you're ovulating. So, the first didn't happen, and even if you don't take your pill that regularly (btw, does that mean hours late, or do you miss entire days at a time?), it's very unlikely that you would be ovulating. Relax.



I assume you're pretty young. I'm concerned at the intensity of your anxiety and fear over this experience, but if this is your first partner sex experience, that can feel a little scary. But really, sex is not the danger our society would like you to think it is. So, maybe you'd feel better if you knew more about your body, and took your pills regularly. I would suggest you start making a concerted effort to take it every day at about the same time (within a couple of hours is fine). That will give you some extra reassurance. And keep some condoms with you, so that when you decide to have intercourse you will be prepared. Oral and mutual masturbation are fine and safe (to avoid STDs, some people suggest using condoms/dental dams for oral, but in reality almost no one does). Really, it sounds to me like you're being very safe. But if you can't get past this, and you continue to feel this anxious, it might be a good idea to talk with a therapist.



Good luck, and have fun :-)

[blondie003]

nono..more like not at the exact same hour..not mising days..i mean missing days has happened, but not within the last month or so..is that oaky still? thanks so much..by the way..can i ask how old u are..so many teens tell me stuff and i just dont feel comfrotable with it b/c i feel like i know as much as other people my age do..ya know?

[jd1419]

If you are unsure of how things work and you don't want to be pg--then don't fool around and you won't have any problems--I don't mean to sound harsh but you really need to be sure of your b/c and can handle any of the consequences that may happen from having any kind of sexual activity--just because your a virgin does not mean you are not having sexual activity--

[tina1111]

If you haven't missed a day you should be fine. I agree with previous post, though. If it is this scary to think you might be pregnant, you need a set routine so you never forget.

[monkeyflower]

I'm 39, and dispensing this kind of info is part of what I do. And I agree, generally it's wisest not to listen to your fellow teens. But I think if you did some reading about pregnancy/STDs, sexuality, and your body, you could soon become a great source of good, honest, open information to your friends ;-) You'd be doing yourself AND them a huge favor.



Anyway, for additional info you might check out www.goaskalice.columbia.edu; that's an excellent source of general information about health and about sexuality. I think you'll find it quite helpful :-)

[username11]

If a man ejaculates inside a woman who is on Birth Control (the pill) what are the chances she becomes pregnant?

[monkeyflower]

Very slim, particularly if she takes her pill regularly. The pill is about 99% effective, which is almost as good as it gets. However, STDs are still a risk, so if you're not monogamous and/or haven't been tested recently, you should always use a condom anyway.