Problem retaining an erection

[Kyojin]

I have no problems getting an erection while having sex, but it takes me a VERY long time to get to the point of ejaculating. After so long, I lose my erection. Once i lose it, it takes me a VERY long time to become arroused again. Usually it take me about 2 hours, minimum, of on and off sex before I finally ejaculate. Im 26 I dont know if this is a common problem with men my age. I was just wondering if theres anything I can do to fix this problem. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

   It is unusual, and I would suggest going to see a urologist. It sounds to me like the blood delivery system in your penis isn't working quite right- and I would want a full check up to see what is causing the slow time to rigidity. It is NOT ordinary for a man your age and there may be something that an internist can discover and do something about. I am not a medical doctor, so I don't want to speculate on possible diagnoses. I can tell you it is unusual, and you should see someone right away.

   If the doctor cannot find anything wrong with you, then the explanation is probably psychological. There must be something that is inhibiting you from letting yourself go. It is way too complex a problem for me to try and solve with so little information. So , please- get the physical check up-and if you check out ok-, go find a qualified sexual and/or psychological therapist who can find out what psychological mechanisms may be inhibiting you.

[AerialPainter]

Hi, you are definitely not alone in this. There is an ENORMOUS amount of literature both anecdotal and published in journals that references the problem you're experiencing.  There are a lot of factors that are involved in the male ejaculatory response.  One is control.  Are you able to get erect and ejaculate within a "reasonable" 5-15 minutes, of masturbation?  If so, and you are not able to do so during intercourse, then perhaps you're experiencing an issue with feeling that you can't "give" yourself to your partner.  

Of course, your partner(s) probably aren't complaining about the length of intercourse, but there is, clearly, a point at which enough is enough.  And, of course, your level of frustration is going to be high because of this.

One of the things that all men can do to manage their ejaculatory response, either to quicken or delay it, is to do masturbation training.  Just start getting real comfortable with yourself - and at 26, you've definitely masturbated A LOT by now.  There are vaginal simulators out there in abundance at any adult toy store or adult sex store online.  These can be very useful in simulating the "real thing" while distancing yourself from the pressures of intimacy.  There are vibrating ****-rings that can add a lot of stimulation for both of you which would increase your liklihood of achieving orgasm within a more reasonable period of time.

Thus, training, ultimately, can help.  But, if you are experiencing real issues with trusting your partner, then the path you have to take is to really examine what it is that you are concerned about.  If you are reluctant to be completely open and honest with your partner (and there's no law that says you have to be) then you need to ask yourself "why"? Once you have that answer, then you can start working on it with your partner.

Finally, all men have a refractory period (that time between erections) and that period is completely different for every man at every stage of life - but it generally becomes longer as we grow older.  Again, though, there are many factors that are at play there.  If you are really stimulated by your partner, and have just had a very good "session", it's likely that you may be able to become erect sooner.  Likewise, if the experience hasn't been so great, you may have to wait longer - perhaps even as much as a day.

Hope this helps.

[DrDoright]

Hey there, your condition sounds very similar to mine. I used to have terrible problems maintaining my erection long enough for me to ejaculate, it still takes me at least 15 to 2o minutes to ejaculate even now (I am 40 now). I read all kinds of things about trust and giving yourself to your partner etc and the thing is that I have a wonderful wife who I love intensely so tht was never and is never an issue. I didnt want to use anything like viagra as I dont have a problem getting an erection so he advised me to get something called Prelox Blue. Its an all natural tablet that promotes blood flow and healthy circulation so you can maintain your erection longer to the point of ejaculation. I get it from www.myhealthabcmall.com and I also use the Male factor1000 which helps with endurance and a generally healthy mens physical performance. THe company has been around for nearly thirty years so its not one of these fad type products. I got some pretty good advice via email ( as I didnt want a phone call from the guy who is the nutritonal coach there about the products. Because you just take two a day tablets you dont need to think about when an intimate moment is going to happen before taking a tablet. It has definitely helped me and my doctor has also said these products are safe. Good luck.