Chances of her getting pregnant

[Stupid_in_rio]

Doc,

I had sex with a female unprotected last Friday night.  We are not in a committed relationship and this was our third time.  This basically an incident from meeting at the bar and getting together three times after.  All of the times were protected.  The last time was not because I was really drunk and basically do not remember the intercourse.

What of my chances of getting her pregnant under these scenerios:

I was told by her-

*That I pulled out before I came

*It was the last day of her period and it started 5 days prior

*She use to take the shot for birth control but the last one was 4 months ago when it only has a 3 month life

Under these factors, what are the chances?

I'm getting anxiety because I am not in a commited relationship, I have a plan in life for myself (Carreer, travels, etc) and do not want that to get ruined with a mistake?  Just for the record I do practice safe sex and this was a one time incident because of the alcohol.  We also had conversations that a committed relationship was out of the question and maybe I fear this is a way for her to drag me in.

Thanks for your help.  I have refered to this website before with other problems.  It is great!!!

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

   Hi, nice to hear from you. The good news- it is an unlikely time for her to get pregnant. Bad news- it is not impossible AND it may also be that she is not being completely honest about the time of the month. The truth is , some women will allow themselves, even plan, to get pregnant to get a man involved with them and perhaps marry them.  It is , of course, an awful thing to do, and truly unwise. Most men who
get roped into a woman's life in this fashion are more than resentful--and generally do not marry the woman or if they do, it doesn't last for long.  Getting married under involuntary conditions is the worst possible way to form a couple-- and setting it up is the act of a desperate woman.  Men can do the same thing-- take a chance at a time they know is risky because they want to see if they can father a child. Again, the outcomes vary from sad to really awful.

   As you say, you have plans- travel, career possibilities- things that are much more important than a wild sexual opportunity-- especially one you can't even remember! So, assuming you have 'dodged a bullet'-- I hope so anyhow- this might be a good time to think about why you drink, why you drink to excess and why are you having sex with someone who you don't know, don't care about, and don't want to be hooked up with for the rest of your life. ( Because even if you didn't marry her , you could, if she did not want to have an abortion, be related to her, through the child, forever).

  Binge drinking is popular I know. Lots of people stagger out of bars every week- the question is, what is the outcome of that behavior? Sometimes its just being groggy and not too fit for work ( also something to think about) but it can be a life changing choice-- a DUI, sex with the wrong person who stalks you ( women can do it too) or a child you didn't want with a person you didn't want.  Believe me, drinking is dangerous in a lot of ways and I think you have to review what you 've been doing ( including your bar behavior-  yes, you might practice safe sex most of the time, but when you are impaired ( ie , drunk) you don't.  And the court doesn't care if you were drunk-- if its your sperm that created a child-- you will pay for it.

  Get real. You have a whole life ahead of you. Please don't put your hopes and dreams in jeopardy. Change your lifestyle right now. If, in the unlikely event she is pregnant, get a DNA test-- hopefully, this will not happen. But that's just luck if it doesn't. So you don't want to depend on luck- practice safe sex-- and be sober when you are with a woman and have to make important decisions about sexuality and safety.

[Stupid_in_rio]

Sorry for the grammatical mistakes.  I am at work and I rushed the question.

[Pearl99]

Has the idea of AIDS/HIV just totally vanished from the picture of unprotected sex? Yes, pregnancy is a concern AND you'd have to pay but the price would be much greater with AIDS.  Why don't you get tested before you have unprotected sex with someone else?  That'll be a while you'll have to wait and see if you develop HIV first.

[onroute]

Your future is at stake for the decisions of Today.

Check always your future when making a decision.  That could go for sex, money or even the food we eat.  It is all being wise with our lives.

Unfortunately we wake up too late sometimes and realize our decisions were all backwards.  I have done that and am paying now with my own health.

[gary649]

A related discussion, pregnancy was started.