my husband gets on sites like erotic massage partners?

[the human doormat]

my husband gives and gets massages from men and women,i believe hes cheated on me there have been several people in his life claiming to be his girlfriends, he has never admitted to cheating even when i think i have caught himhe use to frequent date sites like match.com yahoo personels and adultfriend finder, one woman he had in his life for several years he had gotten an apartment with her so he could have sancuary (excuse my spelling) away from me.now hes meeting people for massages and god knows what else my problem is how do you walk away from a 15 year marriage with kids and no money my only family is clear across the us and how do you get some one to admit that what hes doing just might be cheating if he has to sneak around to do it he use to keep the cards and letters his so called friend would give him he made one of them mad enough she gave me copies of what she had one of them said (in his had writting that he wished she was in bed with him right now and another card said that he loved her i was devistated and it was only made worse by his comment i didnt mean it i was just trying to make her feel better....i feel lower the dirt i have no self esteem left i dont know where to start i feel ive been here to long and dont know how to get out......help

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

     You are in a terrible situation--and you already know what you need to know.
Now one question I have is this- why is he staying with you? He knows you know- and he goes on and does what he likes?  So what keeps HIM in the marriage?  The fact that he is staying may mean there is something he doesn't want to lose-- you have totell yourself what it is? Kids? Family response? Money? He needs you for something?  I dont know what it is- but since he stays married it must be something...so is this something you can use to your advantage, since you clearly need to leave and have a life that doesn't make you crazy with jealousy and have low self esteem hourly...

I think you need to go to a woman's health clinic or shelter and get some free advice. You need 'sisterly' support and some legal informatio about your rights. You say you have no money-- well , if he has money you have rights to a proportion of it.  So , while life could be rough for awhile- you would have some money--if he has any himself-- and it sure sounds like it-- he has massages-- and ' benefits'--that doesn't come cheap...

So get your self support, advice ( both personal and legal) at any institution in your town that helps abused women ( I consider this abuse) or other women in trouble with few economic resources ( speaking of which- if he has money- why don't you have some spending money to do use to see someone? Have you let him rob you of all your dignity? If so, it's time to take it back!!

   This isn't all about sex-- it's about having respect, liking your life- and taking back your self esteem.  Marriage isn't everything- and you'd be surprised --you can find a job and get some foothold on supporting yourself.  If there are kids, the court will order child support- and they are much better about making sure it gets there these days.
  
   You don't have to prove anything more than you know. What I know is that you are miserable and you are mistreated.. Please take your life back, and your sense of dignity back. When you finally do, all you will regret is that you did not do it sooner.

[slowtogo]

I don't even know what to say to you. I have zero sympathy for anyone who allows themselves to waste their one life on earth being treated like garbage. You said "How can I leave a 15yr marriage", its easy, walk out the door, get an apartment and collect alimony and child support. Take his computer as evidence and use it in the divorce proceedings. What kind of crappy example are you setting for the kids? I hope they are not young girls,  because they will wind up being with guys that are just as bad as your husband. By the tone of your message you are looking for sympathy and you do not have the strength to leave him. Are you waiting for him to bring you home a disease? Ithink dating after the divorce will be much harder when you have to tell your prospective partners about STD's.

[peekawho]

The original post was not from me, although I generally do refer to myself as a "human doormat".

Just wanted to make that clear, in case anyone who is sure I'm a human doormat, does not think I'm THIS human doormat.  

[sherryroberson]

AWWWW, I'm sorry.  I can feel your pain, i was also with someone who cheated on me for 2 1/2 yrs, until he finally left me.  Which it was my idea for a trial seperation and he couldn't wait to do it.  It was never said that he cheated on me until after the fact.  So I do know how hard it is to leave someone you've been with for a long time, and i couldn't imagine 15 YEARS.  And my parents werent anywhere around for me to be able to go to them either.  So I was basically on my own, i could have went to a lawyer but didnt and decided to get even with him instead.. so i would have been set up with alimony, child support, etc... but i thought we would get back together.  I WAS WRONG.  So i suggest you go see a lawyer, and get out of there!!! B/c you will get alimony and child support and will be able to survive on your own!!

[losgusanos]

This is JUST a thought ok?
I'm extremelly liberal when it comes to cheating. This is only my perspective ok but I don't think of it as cheating unless it becomes physical with another person.
This very well may be (actually I would bet on it)
but anyways, why not ask him if you can go to the exact same company for a massage?
If he says, no way....there is your answer if there is alot more going on than you think.
And I am pretty sure that is all how that scenerio would go.

[NoNamesPlease]

You need proof to divorce him for cheating. Quietly start collecting - credit card and hotel bills, witness stories, print up his e-mails. A spouse who sues for divorce due to infidelity typically is awarded a greater portion of the marital property, gets physical custody of children, child support, even alimony.

Shop for a lawyer who is sensitive to your situation. Most want a deposit up front. Comparison shop and make payment arrangements.

[Kevin88]

I have a question but i dont have credit card so im doing this here. In my attemps to lessen the amount of noise i make when i masturbate i began to place my thumb on the big vein. for a while it was good, but after a year or two a brown spot apperead. it looks kinda like dry skin but its a patch on the left side. now i cant acheive a full erection anytime and im afraid this will effect my sexual preformance with a woman. what is this and what should i do? please help and please dont delete this. oh and if it matters i am 16