I can't orgasm

[shugerplum]

I can't orgasm...don't know why. Don't know what's wrong with me...

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

First of all- don't panic.  You can have an orgasm- you just haven't discovered  the right method yet. I am going to assume from your letter that you have never had an orgasm by any means, not just during intercourse, Assuming that is true, what you have to do is to learn how to masturbate effectively- once you can give yourself an orgasm we can talk about you having an orgasm with a partner. . But first you have to figure out how to do it yourself.

I would suggest you buy two vibrators and insert one vibrator inside your vagina at low speed- use a good lubricant ( pink, elexa, eros) and put some inside of you and on the clitoral area--take the other vibrator and   start it at a low speed trying it in several places to see what feels best,  You can try it directly  on the clitoris  or on the side of it or on the lips to see what starts to build excitement. Once excitement builds dont change the kind of rhythm you have going . Keep that feeling going turning up the speed of the vibrator if you need more intense stimulation turn up the vibration.

If you experiment with this technique, find out what position feels best to be in. Experiment with fantasy that furthers your feeling, muscle tension ( squeezing your pubic muscles) and keep distractions away.
You can learn to have an orgasm-- but help your body learn this way- and you will be able to teach it how to have an orgasm in other circumstances and ways as well

[krushing]

I went through a spell of that.  I just couldn't no matter what my husband did.  My problem was nothing serious, just I was concentrating on everything else except what we were doing.  As soon as I got all the other stuff out of my head...there it was.  Maybe that's your problem.

[shugerplum]

We have been together for three years and I never orgasmed. I love him a lot and I think maybe I am concentrating too much on orgasming and not enough on the actual sex act.

[krushing]

That could very well be the problem.  Don't sweat it and just go with it.

[Yaroo]

The main matter is about ur thoughts during having sex becasue that is what my girl do.. I will advice ur man to give you a good starting before he does sex.. good starting means to serve u better like ur body touches and all licking breasts and *****.. will make it easier to have orgasm.. once u were turned on try to forget about external matters or thoughts in ur mind concentrate on sex so then u will enjoy..

[hts]

I also had this problem. I think that you're just concentrating on it too much! Don't sweat it, it will happen. Just relax and enjoy the love making! Once you do that, add some new things into your routine. Text him at work, something steamy maybe. If you add some more excitement, it builds up the sexual tension. When you do see each other, warm each other up with some foreplay... but then back off. It will drive you and him crazy. With me, something like 69 gets me reved up to the point where I can't stand it. That is what puts me over the edge. The more tension that you have, the easier it is to climax. My favourite position is girl on top, but not in the up and down motion, rub back and forth. It feels really good for him, and for you, that movement stimulates your G-Spot, as well as your clitoris, because of the friction. But, don't get yourself worked up about it. It will happen, experiment with some new things, and experiment with yourself. Once you know what you like, you can tell your guy what you like (direct him). And heck, maybe if you let him watch that will be the perfect build up together!

[[e-mail]]

I also have this problem but in a different way. I can orgasm the first time but after that sex feels so uncomfortable. Like i have to wait for my body to reload or somethin. Try a vibrator around the clit first or try to touch yourself until you find a certain way that stimulates you.

[Nevavena]

The ability to orgasms depends on sex drive. Have you ever noticed that you feel pain during sex? If I were you I tried supplements for women increasing sex drive. Sentia gives good results. I had my first orgasm after the two and a half weeks taking it.

[K4L]

It pays to relax and enjoy the feelings. I feel blessed when I do O. It doesn't happen all the time but when I multi O it more than makes up for it!. Oral and manual on the clitoris definitely gets me there.
How comfortable are you with your partner? That could make all the difference.