Husband gay?

[pixijal]

MY best friends husband has been talking to gay males in an internet chat room.  She has tracked the conversations, and none were explicit.  He did state that he was 'curious', but had never ventured to the other side before.  He had a conversation w/2 other males....about 10 minutes each.  

In additon, he explained to his wife that he had a curiosity in looking at the stuff, but has never felt the desire to do anything in 'real life'.

DOES THIS MEAN HE IS GAY?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

Well it certainly means that gayness has some kind of erotic charge for him. Purely heterosexual males don't go trotting around gay sites-- the question is, HOW gay is he?  Some men have slight urges, some are bisexual, some are not heterosexual and can't deal with that right away.

  He may be resistant to exploring this within himself, much less with her.  But there are men who can sexualize both men and women-- and your friend will have to decide if she can accept this- or not.  She should also look at the quality and regularity of their own sex life. If it is spare to non existant and not particularly passionate or needy-then his same sex attractions may weigh more heavily than his opposite sex desire.

In any case, if he will talk to her, they should explore what is going on inside of him together. Marriage is supposed to be the most intimate relationship heterosexuals can have with one another-- the marriage deserves some soul searching honest talks. This may frighten her- of course it would. But ignorance is rarely bliss- and in this case, it would be a seriously wrong choice.  She should not jump to any conclusions- he may still want and need her. But they both need to find out just how much 'curiosity' he has.