lack of sex

[nimble2096]

My husband for the past 5 to 6 years has lost his desire for sex.  He was low in testosterone the first time we had him checked then he got back on track when he took injections for about 3 months.  When he became less than enthusiastic 3 years ago, he was checked again and was in normal range. It was like the o.k. signal from the Dr. that he was normal but his desire still wasn't up to par with mine.  It's such a sensitive subject and I have talked to him and he will agree things aren't what they should be but then it's right back to the way it was.  He is very loving and affectionate and we get along great, but this is a real issue for me.  Because desire isn't there for him he doesn't even think about it, but I think about it all the time. What can I do?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

   well, there are differences in sexual desire that are just hard to change. If you love your husband and he has really tried to address this issue medically, you have to give him credit for trying. He may, however, have gotten used to lower sexual expresssion so that even if his testosterone levels are higher, his habit is for less, not more, sexual interaction.

   There are a few things you can do. One is masturbate. It's just fine to do- and while the emotional component isn't as good as sex with your husband, it can be very satisfying--and very effective at reducing the sexual tension you are carrying around with you.  If you want, read a sexy book or see a movie, buy a vibrator- which you can do on line where it is private, safe and you have lots of options. There are all kinds of toys to play with and women love almost all of them! ( I think the following are all good, trustworthy sites..mostly owned by women!--lovers.com, babesintoyland.com, Xandria.com)

     If you are still not happy with the situation, how about going to see a sexual therapist together-- or going to a sexual enrichment session with David Schnarsch in Evergreen Colorado or with a great medical couple at Miravel resort. These are pricey but really can affect a long term sex life in a positive direction.

[housewife in need]

we have the same problem but he hasn't went to the doctor to get checked yet.you can always go buy some toys for yourself maybe he would want to help if you wanted him ti know about them,but we would rather have the real thing anytime,cause that gets old afer awile to.i could do it and it does,'t even faze my husband,he'll just roll over and go to sleep,i thought all men would like seing their wife.good luck....

[autumnleaves6]

A related discussion, Lack of sexual desire was started.