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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Relationship help!!!
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Relationship help!!!
by Daisy884, Jun 25, 2007 12:00AM
So I met my boyfriend in October of 2005, we dated a few months when I found out he was really into drugs and lying to be throughout our whole relationship, about where he was, why his car was stinky, etc. We broke up and he OD'd three times. He then went to rehab and I decided to support him and start something up again, he ran out of rehab, then came back, so i supported him again. Throughout 2006 he left me many times for drugs. The hardest one was when I was begging him to stay with me and he couldn't, he wanted to go smoke pot and get heroin with his "friends." He left me in the parking lot crying. He did this a few times, and in December of 2006 he decided he wanted to be sober again. He has been clean since then, and we have been dating since then. Our relationship has been REALLY rocky, and I get scared a lot and sometimes feel he's lying to me. This isn't healthy, I know. But I feel bad leaving him. He tells me he will never date anyone if I leave and he will be single for his whole life. I need advice! Ask me anything! I just need help....I love him!
Doctor's Answer
by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Jun 26, 2007 12:00AM
, Jun 26, 2007 12:00AM
Go into therapy right now! Because you need to get away from this guy-- and if he really loved you- he'd push you away- because he knows he's bad news. Instead he is trying to guilt trip you into staying. Drug addicts learn how to be manipulative , they have to be to get away with taking drugs. So he is saying you are in charge of his whole life instead of the truth: he is charge of his life and he doesn't want to take responsibility for this or most of his other acts.
This guy will bring you down. Look how you have suffered for him already. He will lie, cheat, steal, whatever it takes when he's on drugs-- and you may not know when that it. He has a terrible problem- in and out of rehab already so many times. I feel for him- but I feel for you more-- because you don't need to get in the gutter- and he's trying to take you there with him
If you have any self respect or survival instinct - you will get out of there. Go get some support from a religious figure, counselor, drug expert, group therapy, psychologist-- whatever you can find. But leave-- and stay away. He needs to lean on himself- not you. And you need to look ahead and not have the drama and pain that he continually brings into your life.
If you really love him, then you will be able to move on eventually, but if you don't love him and only feel sorry for him, then leave now! or you will be on an emotional roller coaster that no one should ever have to experience.
I will check in later to see how you are doing, I'd hate to see what happened to me happen to anyone!
See..I don't want to get to the whole marriage and kids point and have him go back to drugs and ruin everything. I do love him, but I'm only 22, and I don't think I want to risk havin my future ruined when I can possibly find another man, one who doesn't have that history.