Why can't I feel anything down there?

[LaStar00]

Hello. How are you? hopefully fine. My question is I'm 25 years old with a 5 year old and very sexually activate. I've had a boyfriend of a year. But the past few months there has been a number of problems:
1. When we have sex I don't feel his penis inside me. I know it goes in but after that I don't feel anything. I use to but now I don't. We've tried different positions and that doesn't help. I tried the kregel exercise and those also didn't work. We tried a vibrator and put it up in my vagina and I had no feeling there. What could be causing this?

2. My boyfriend also comes to quick and has been trying to work on it. He's tried to relax his mind and body and focus on other things but it doesn't work. At times he can go 5 minutes or less and he comes and I don't want to have sex again.

Can you please suggest what we can do?

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

  
     Well, there are two things to do. First, go see a physician to see if this could have a physical component. However , I am not sure what could physiologically explain having sexual feeling in the vagina and then losing that feeling. Nonetheless, I am not a medical doctor so I think you ought to see one.

    My first instinct is that this may have emotional origins. It could possibly be related to the fact that your partner has trouble maintaining an erection. You may be unconsciously stopping yourself from getting excited because you find the short time of intercourse erotically dissapointing.  It would not be the first time when a woman turned off because she was afraid  that if she gets excited she will be frustrated.

    One way to test this theory is to get rid of the frustration factor.  You indicatged that you do not get excited when you try a vibrator. Perhaps you are trying it the wrong way for your body. First, make sure you are well lubricated-- use a commercial lubricant in addition to your own natural wetness. Experiment with light speeds in different places- near the clitoris or near or on the shaft of the clitoris. If you use it inside, use it barely inside. Most of the clitoral nerves are near the opening of the vagina and that is the place where you are most likely to arouse sensation.

   Also try using a finger, gently at first , to see if touching various parts of the clitoris will arouse you more than having somethiing inside of you. That is the case for most women. They get aroused from clitoral touching and then intercourse just augments that feeling.

    If you can have an orgasm first, it may help your partner. If you have an orgasm first it takes the pressure off of him, which may be one of the reasons he has a quicker orgasm. Actually, five minutes of so thrusting is not so out of line with the national average! However I agree with you- it's less time than most women want.  One of the ways he might learn to take longer is if you stop intercourse about every few minutes to take the 'edge' off of his excitement and let him calm down a bit.  If you can lengthen the time he takes to have an orgasm just a bit at a time, he may eventually be able to go longer without ejaculation.

[LaStar00]

I've been to two doctors and they say I'm perfectly healthy just loose from having a child. But they couldn't find any reason why I couldn't feel him. We have tried different sex positions, done kegels while having sex, make him come before sex and I still feel nothing. Last weekend he use two of his fingers and almost made me come but he did it to hard. The doctors used their fingers and i could feel that just not his ****.


I totaly relax when we make love and still nothing. Now we barely have sex. It doesn't do anything for me so we don't have sex unless one of us starts it. Last Friday we tried having sex and when he put it in and went in and out twice he came.

Is there anything we can do  here? What's wrong with me down there? He thinks that I might want something bigger than him? Please help

[LaStar00]

I've been to two doctors and they say I'm perfectly healthy just loose from having a child. But they couldn't find any reason why I couldn't feel him. We have tried different sex positions, done kegels while having sex, make him come before sex and I still feel nothing. Last weekend he use two of his fingers and almost made me come but he did it to hard. The doctors used their fingers and i could feel that just not his ****.


I totaly relax when we make love and still nothing. Now we barely have sex. It doesn't do anything for me so we don't have sex unless one of us starts it. Last Friday we tried having sex and when he put it in and went in and out twice he came.

Is there anything we can do  here? What's wrong with me down there? He thinks that I might want something bigger than him? Please help

[LaStar00]

I've been to two doctors and they say I'm perfectly healthy just loose from having a child. But they couldn't find any reason why I couldn't feel him. We have tried different sex positions, done kegels while having sex, make him come before sex and I still feel nothing. Last weekend he use two of his fingers and almost made me come but he did it to hard. The doctors used their fingers and i could feel that just not his ****.


I totaly relax when we make love and still nothing. Now we barely have sex. It doesn't do anything for me so we don't have sex unless one of us starts it. Last Friday we tried having sex and when he put it in and went in and out twice he came.

Is there anything we can do  here? What's wrong with me down there? He thinks that I might want something bigger than him? Please help