me again....is this the perfect reason to hate someone?

[EDITH]

my friends, lauren tracy christina i, used to be best friends with this girl megan. now i hate her so much that i wish i could kill her. not just a bullet through the head death, but brutally butcher her and leave her body parts in her mail box kind of kill.

all my friends have asked me why i have such a strong hatred for her, and i never realized it until last night. i never thought about it, i just thought i just hated her.

this is what i said:



okay, last year me lauren christina tracy and megan were all best friends. we did everything together..

megan had talked about me behind my back constantly, and then pretended to be my friend. then when i found out what she was doing, i got mad at her. so she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore and since she wasn't, lauren christina and tracy couldn't be either.

she tried to take them away from me. she had tracy wrapped around her little finger, controlling her everything thought and action. so tracy was easy for her to break away from me, and finally, she got lauren and christina to also. i don't know how, but it worked.

i had only about two friends, you and heather. lauren and christina and i were constantly fighting, and i grew to hate myself because of everything they said to me. i would cry myself to sleep every night, and everytime i saw them in the hall, i would have to force myself not to cry then.



somehow, i got lauren and christina back, but not tracy. it wasn't until the end of the year that we all became friends again, including megan. but she was always getting me in trouble and i didn't like her at all.

so that's why were not friends now. i'm a lot happier now that i'm not, but i hate her with a passion. she has caused me to be depressed, untrustworthy, paranoid, and self-harming.

she has caused so many problems in my life and i can never ever forgive her for that. i mean, if she were to die, i would laugh. everyone says i'm mean for thinking this way, but no one knows why i do.

no one understands. i didn't even understand until last night. no one in this world hates her more than me. other people may think they do, but i'm the only one she actually hurt the most. i'm the one who actually has a really good reason to hate her.



do you think this is a perfectly good reason to hate some one so much?



i think something might be wrong with me, i mean mentally. is it possible i might have some kind of disorder? i don't think this is normal "teenage feelings" like my parents say. but i don't know what to do..

[HFHS MD-JM]

Edith,



     It sounds like you are struggling with some difficult feelings.  Anger is a normal feeling that everyone experiences at times.  What differentiates us is how we decide to deal/cope with it.  If you feel this issue is causing a significant amount of distress then it may be helpful to see a therapist to sort out your feelings and find positive ways to deal with it. There is no easy answer to your question but, I hope this was helpful.



Sincerely,



HFHS MD-JM



Keywords:  Anger

[EDITH]

yes, it was helpful. but i don't what i should do with my parents. i tried telling them, but they don't understand. how should i tell them i think i need help?

[To Edith, not from the doctor]

Are you in school?  If so, how about talking with a guidance counselor?  That's why they're there and they can help you or refer you to someone you could talk to.  You might also try talking to your family doctor for a referal.  Or, call the social services department (listed in the phone book, maybe even with a specific listing for mental health) in your town and ask them for a referal.  None of these options requires your parents permission or invovlement.  It sounds to me like you are going through some very difficult things that may be more than just teenage troubles.  Please get some help so you can enjoy your life!  Good luck.

[Someone who has been there]

Edith- just like the doctor said anger is a normal human behavior.However, to hate someone as much as you hate this girl is not. What is it about what she says that bothers you so much, and why do feel that you have to keep all these girlfriends to be liked? It's like this:it starts from the inside out, maybe what your friend says about you are things that you don't like about yourself and that's why it bothers you so much. Ultimately, when you get out of high-school ( I'm just assuming that's where your at, sorry if not) your going to realize that life is not about having controlling friends,what your hopefully going to realize is ultimately we all have different paths to follow in our lives and the most important thing is that you stay true to yourself. For me what happened is I lost all my friends that I went to school with, but you know what? that was wonderful because I am now the person I knew I always was. You should look inside yourself and if the things Megan is saying about you make you insecure, then you have the opportunity to let her know how these things effect you. For me I admire the people in my life who know what they want and don't let what anyone says make them think they are less than. Your friend has insecurities, like everyone, so of course instead of dealing with her problems she wants to put others down so she feels better about herself. I started doing Yoga, and dancing and really got involved with things I wanted to do outside of my friends. I can't stress how important it is to follow your own dreams, and make your own path in life. Get some self-help books on anger management. The fact that you would write to this forum shows that you do have some control and maturity. Wanting to take another's life is a serious problem and I seriously doubt that you would be able to deal with those consequences, each human life is precious, no matter how big of a ***** this girl is she deserves to have her own say. So be the strong,graceful type and just walk away and know that in the end you are the one that comes out on top because you didn't buy into the ********. Pursue other things, start to detach yourself from her, because I promise when you think you closed the door on something another, better something always comes along. Like possibly...a new friend that thinks you rule! Take Care.

[Barbara]

Hate is a waste of emotional energy and only hurts the hater and usually not the hated. Here you are feeling all this pain and anger and the person you hate probably doesn't even give it another thought.



My philosophy has always been to move away from unpleasant people and circumstances and burn the bridge and don't look back. Never give her another thought, she is not worth the mental time and energy.



Of course I am an isolationist at heart, I prefer to stay by myself. I don't like to aggravate myself battling other peoples manipulations only for their own benefits.

[EDITH]

thanks, all of you. i really appreciate your help. i know it's not healthy to hate someone like that. i would never actually take the life of any other human or animal.



ah, well anyway, i've been going to the school psycologist (yeah i'm in high school), in group therapy, but it's not really helping much. just getting me out of science. heh. but i'm working on getting to a real psychiatrist.



thank you again for everything, and i'll let you know how everything goes.

[Someone who has been there(aka Michelle)]

Hey Edith! I was just wondering how things are working out for you? Have you gone to the "real" psychiatrist yet? I think a awesome book you might like (I just finished it) is Girl, Interrupted. It's about a girl who is 17 and struggling with some emotional/personality disorder,well kind of. Anyway what she realizes is she's not that messed up. It's a fun book-I think you might find it humorous. Take Care-michelle