do i need help?

[wishingstar]

My question is do I need help? I’m a very jealous person. I have no problem admiting that. My main problem is jealousy with the past. I get angry and upset when and if a ex is ever brought up. Questions that go through me head include, how could you? How could you have loved anyone but me? How could the guy i love and loves me ever felt this way about someone else. Love is so special it should only be betweeen the two of us, not ever anyone else before me. I get so angry that i forgot how great our relationship is. I disaccociate myself from him. I make him into a stranger and forget all feelings of closeness that i often have with him. I can actually look at him and believe that i don’t know him. The thing is it’s probably a threat and a cry for help. If my bf turned it on me and told me to grow up else, he’d dump me, i’d probably get upset, leave and then crawl back to him and pretend like nothing happened, but it still lingering in the back of my head.  It’s a complete double standard. I’ve been in love before. I still talk to the first guy i fell in love with. If JK did that, we’d have hell! The problem is I love JK so much. I feel like the cliche of “found my soulmate.” I’m willing to change my story and say that he’s the only guy i’ve ever loved, becasue it feels like its true love this time. Not high school fun and unrelastic loved. Jk’s not like that. He says, “I’ve never loved anyone like i love you.” That implies he loved before. I want to be the only one.   I think that i’m selfish, irrational, and unrealistic.  It’s selfish to want him to be loved and a fulfilling life.It’s irrational to think that his past can insult and pain me. I wasn’t even there. It’s unrealstic to only find one person attractive and fun to be around. I know all this, but i can’t make the jealousy and disassociation go away. I get so angry and upset about his past that start shaking sometimes. I want to be the only one that my lover ever loves.  I don’t want to be jealous. I have no reason to not trust my bf. He’s amazing and wonderful. It’s not what he does. It’s what he did. I judge him with standards that i can’t met up to myself. Should i seek help or find selfhelp books? If so which ones?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I would seek help because you have some careful sorting out to do.  When I have seen others like you in the past, it is usually not about the boyfriend, but about what you wanted or what you had or what you didn't get from your mother. That is being displaced onto your boyfriend.  The only real way to get rid of it is to see for yourself where your feelings are confused, and that can be done in a therapist office as you sort these out, one by one.



You can also get some additional help immediately online.  I have created a relationship test that leads to a computerized and personalized self help book. It covers this topic as well. YOu go to www.ivillage.com and look for the relationship tester either under quizzes or under the relationship section.

[wishingstar]

That response is so interesting. I never even thought my parents would have anything to do with it. I feel like i found a huge clue to work out my problems for now.

[vrolijk]

There is in incredible therapy out, which is Dialectic, behavioral therapy.

Rational(Dr.Spock startrack)      Mindful         emotional



That is basically what it is about.

It takes about two years two take the classes, and it is the best help, I have ever had.

The emotional part is constantly being taken over, and putting you in trouble and crisis.

yes, most people call it borderline personallity disorder.

and really you were born with high sensative feeling and a brilliant person.(genetical)

and then the dysfunction in the the child hood, messed this all up. you did not know what is write from wrong and never were able to express, or understand what was going on in your life.

Some help with be good for you, and good luck.