Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Stalked by a paranoid individual
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
Stalked by a paranoid individual
by daveumansky, Sep 27, 2004 12:00AM
I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with an individual who has been obsessed with me for the past few years. In the beginning his behavior was a nuisance, but it has recently escalated.
He is an unmarried man in his late fifties who once was prominent and is now practically peniless.
A few years ago I met this individual in a professional context and, in the course of that, did him a huge favor. He was extremely grateful and several times said that I had "saved his life." That is an exaggeration, but there is no question it was a big thing for him.
In 2000 something I did insulted him. Exactly what I don't know, as he never told me. I found out he was annoyed when he began writing nasty letters to third parties accusing me of "denigrating" him. The letters got worse and worse, more and more delusional --accusing me and and colleagues of plotting against him and "defaming" him, and being complicit in lurid and imaginary "crimes."
Since then he has engaged in a sporadic letter writing campaign against me and my colleagues--but mainly me--accusing us of bigger and bigger crimes and at one point comparing me to a "kapo in a concentration camp."
At the advice of a psychologist with whom I discussed this several years ago, I ignored his attacks. I was told that if I just ignored him, he would latch onto another obsession and go away. He had never contacted me directly.
However, that advice has not worked, as he has not gone away.
The other day he left a threatening message on my voicemail. It was threatening and menacing, s saying that "my reputation is ruined," and that I am "dead meat" (professionally--but I still don't like that word) and threatening to "sue me for defamation." All these, you will note, are things he has done against me, and not vice versa.
Obviously I would like this guy to go away, and at the very least I don't want his "hate campaign" to escalate any further, or for him to make good on his threat and force me to waste money defending against a crazy "defamation suit." (I doubt he'd find a lawyer willing to take a case based on delusions, but I can see him going pro se).
Should I continue to ignore this person, or should I take action? Confront him in writing or by phone? Lodge a complaint against him for harassment? His phone call might be grounds for such a complaint, but I am not sure it would accomplish anything. Does he sound as if he may be, or become, dangerous? Since he is nuts I know that ordinary and obvious deterretms (such as a suit or threat of same) are of no value. In fact, I think he would enjoy it, as he has waged other "fights" in the past and enjoys them.
What I am seeking here are psychological insights--informed opinion, based on what I have described, on what will work to help me get this guy to go away. I will probably file a harassment complaint just to get his conduct on the record. What I lack is a psychological analysis of his actions.
Thanks much!
Dave
He is an unmarried man in his late fifties who once was prominent and is now practically peniless.
A few years ago I met this individual in a professional context and, in the course of that, did him a huge favor. He was extremely grateful and several times said that I had "saved his life." That is an exaggeration, but there is no question it was a big thing for him.
In 2000 something I did insulted him. Exactly what I don't know, as he never told me. I found out he was annoyed when he began writing nasty letters to third parties accusing me of "denigrating" him. The letters got worse and worse, more and more delusional --accusing me and and colleagues of plotting against him and "defaming" him, and being complicit in lurid and imaginary "crimes."
Since then he has engaged in a sporadic letter writing campaign against me and my colleagues--but mainly me--accusing us of bigger and bigger crimes and at one point comparing me to a "kapo in a concentration camp."
At the advice of a psychologist with whom I discussed this several years ago, I ignored his attacks. I was told that if I just ignored him, he would latch onto another obsession and go away. He had never contacted me directly.
However, that advice has not worked, as he has not gone away.
The other day he left a threatening message on my voicemail. It was threatening and menacing, s saying that "my reputation is ruined," and that I am "dead meat" (professionally--but I still don't like that word) and threatening to "sue me for defamation." All these, you will note, are things he has done against me, and not vice versa.
Obviously I would like this guy to go away, and at the very least I don't want his "hate campaign" to escalate any further, or for him to make good on his threat and force me to waste money defending against a crazy "defamation suit." (I doubt he'd find a lawyer willing to take a case based on delusions, but I can see him going pro se).
Should I continue to ignore this person, or should I take action? Confront him in writing or by phone? Lodge a complaint against him for harassment? His phone call might be grounds for such a complaint, but I am not sure it would accomplish anything. Does he sound as if he may be, or become, dangerous? Since he is nuts I know that ordinary and obvious deterretms (such as a suit or threat of same) are of no value. In fact, I think he would enjoy it, as he has waged other "fights" in the past and enjoys them.
What I am seeking here are psychological insights--informed opinion, based on what I have described, on what will work to help me get this guy to go away. I will probably file a harassment complaint just to get his conduct on the record. What I lack is a psychological analysis of his actions.
Thanks much!
Dave
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., Sep 28, 2004 12:00AM
, Sep 28, 2004 12:00AM
Unfortunately you have become a character in his inner drama, and like every one else in his life, the cause of his failure and shame. Its a very touchy situation. I assume you are younger, and are either a betraying brother or son to him. It may be very helpful to have some intermediary talk to his family to see if you can find out anything more. Are there other colleagues who are still close to him who could talk to him and convey any apology for whatever slight he imagines happened? A direct approach works when there is enough sanity left, but backfires when he doesn't have enough sanity to be fearful of the legal consequences.
Also woudln't any approach, and particularly any apology of an imagined slight, be interpreted in his sick mind as endorsing his worldview?
Here's what I think you should do;
1) Go to the police and give them the letters, voice messages etc. and be sure to file a report for harrasment against him.
2) Go to your NEAREST Court House and apply for an interim intervention order. The police will give it to him and he wont be allowed within 200 meters of you. This will only be a legal safety net for you if he ever does "sue" you for something crazy. Basically, the courts will see he is a nuisance and will be less inclined to take him seriously. It will also mean that if he does attack you and the police are called thay have the power of the court to act in your defense. Without an intervention order it is your word against his and police can do little else but file a report of both his and your side of the incident. That would be ideal for him, giving him another opportunity to make up another dillusional story to confuse the legal system. If there is an intervention order in place, police will put him in jail for so much as putting another letter in your mailbox while you were at work, it gives them so much more legal power to help you.
3) Don't rely on an intervention order to keep him away and thus still take precautions to keep yourself safe. Call the police the minute he harrases you next and take it from there. As the medhelp answer said, he's probably too insane to fear the law and you must be aware of this. (I do karate, I'd kia in his face!!!)No, I wouldn't confront him!
In a perfect world, no one should be frightened into moving house or getting an unlisted number or even changing jobs. It aint a perfect world, and if this situation gets any worse I really would consider just dropping off the face of the planet as far as he's concerned. He can't harrass you if he can't find you.
Lastly, make sure your friends and family, even work collegues, are aware that this guy is causing problems for you. This awareness is VERY important and you may even find witness' to this guys wierd behavior that you can take to court should you ever need to defend yourself against a bogus charge.
Hope I've helped!!
By the way, I'm just a little curious what kind of a favor you did for this creep??