Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Lights off! Self image
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
Lights off! Self image
by leo86861, Aug 17, 2006 12:00AM
Hello
I just Turned 20 years old and I have been dealing with an unusual problem since around the age of 12 when I first started dating. My first boyfriend lived in another town and went to another school. So we saw eachother not often but when we did I made sure that we were out side and it was dark I avoided being under any light because I was scared he would think I was ugly. Since then I met someone else and was in a 4 year relationship and got out of the " don't look at me" and felt 100% comfortable. Until I met my current boyfriend. Iv'e been with my current boyfriend for a year 1/2. He noticed my fears and has used them against me calls me ugly fat and points out particular flaws that Iv'e always noticed about myself but everyone else thinks I'm crazy and they aren't true. His verbal and emotional abuse has really brought myself esteem down. Still to this day I will avoid going out in public with him ANYWHERE because I am so fearful that he is embarrassed by me. Worst I avoid meeting with his family because I am so scared. Every time he looks at me I tell him not to. And if the lights are on or if were outside I get bad anxiety. I think this stems from child hood because I can remember crying if my bangs would be curly and not straight in first grade! And I remember being in the car before school in elementry school powdering my face and my mom allowed it? I was teased for being chunky and I guess ugly. But I have changed I am now in very good shape and believe I am very beautiful. Even if I know I am beautiful I am scared about my "significant" other not thinking so! In my next relationship I can't be like this! I'm 20! Any suggestions? I can't be treated with meds as I will be joining the military this year and any diagnoses will dis-qaulify me from enlisting. I am a shy person always have been.. Always concered about the way I look. But "lights off" does not pertain to everyone like co-workers or family or friends JUST someone I am dating. Has anyone ever heard of this? Is this a Phobia? Or sound like a mental illness?
I just Turned 20 years old and I have been dealing with an unusual problem since around the age of 12 when I first started dating. My first boyfriend lived in another town and went to another school. So we saw eachother not often but when we did I made sure that we were out side and it was dark I avoided being under any light because I was scared he would think I was ugly. Since then I met someone else and was in a 4 year relationship and got out of the " don't look at me" and felt 100% comfortable. Until I met my current boyfriend. Iv'e been with my current boyfriend for a year 1/2. He noticed my fears and has used them against me calls me ugly fat and points out particular flaws that Iv'e always noticed about myself but everyone else thinks I'm crazy and they aren't true. His verbal and emotional abuse has really brought myself esteem down. Still to this day I will avoid going out in public with him ANYWHERE because I am so fearful that he is embarrassed by me. Worst I avoid meeting with his family because I am so scared. Every time he looks at me I tell him not to. And if the lights are on or if were outside I get bad anxiety. I think this stems from child hood because I can remember crying if my bangs would be curly and not straight in first grade! And I remember being in the car before school in elementry school powdering my face and my mom allowed it? I was teased for being chunky and I guess ugly. But I have changed I am now in very good shape and believe I am very beautiful. Even if I know I am beautiful I am scared about my "significant" other not thinking so! In my next relationship I can't be like this! I'm 20! Any suggestions? I can't be treated with meds as I will be joining the military this year and any diagnoses will dis-qaulify me from enlisting. I am a shy person always have been.. Always concered about the way I look. But "lights off" does not pertain to everyone like co-workers or family or friends JUST someone I am dating. Has anyone ever heard of this? Is this a Phobia? Or sound like a mental illness?
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., Aug 17, 2006 12:00AM
, Aug 17, 2006 12:00AM
This is a self image issue, not a mental illness. You have been thrown back from your progress because of your boyfriends awful treatment of your sensitivities when he should be supporting you...you should rethink what kind of relationship you have as the first step. The next step is continue talking to yourself, and proving to yourself that you are giving too much power to this other person to define who you are...keep on focusing on that issue...too much power to define you, and start defining yourself, and challenging yourself to act on the good image of yourself, not the old bad image.
