Please Help

[RainyDays24]

My fiance and I have been together for three years, and over the last year he has been pulling away from me on occasion (usually friday and saturday nights) and he freaks out, drives like a maniac, and blames me for everything gone wrong in his life. He is a business owner, he does very very well. He always tells me that if it weren't for me, he would have so much more money. We bought a house together, and he tells me that if I didn't live with him,he could still live at home with his parents and be happier and save more money. His mother calls three times a day, always making snide remarks about me, and I get upset, and when I get upset, he wants to end the relationship. His father is going through some type of mid-life crisis, openly trying to find women to cheat on his mother with, very peculier, and when his dad wants him to go out to the bad, he tries to end the relationship because he says I am trying to control him. His father openly tries to initiate arguments between us and always says things to get me upset. My fiance also throws everything in my face that he has ever done for me, he tells me I would be nothing without him, calls me a loser and many other names. I work two jobs, I cook, I clean, I take care of all of my own bills, half of the house bills, and I am also a full time student. Everyday except for friday and saturdays, my fiance tells me how much he loves me, so on and so forth, but on those days, he tells me that I ruined his life, he is miserable and it is all my fault. I believe he wants to be with his parents 24/7 and he doesnt see his friends as often as he would like, but it is not because of me, he is very busy, he works 7 days a week usually until 6 to 9 at night. so is all of this really my fault, and have I done something to deserve this treatment, please help me, i dont know what to do, or what is going on.

[green eyed lady]

Do you seem to notice that your fiance starts problems with you on Friday and Saturday nights and during the week he tells you how much he loves you? Do you see a pattern here? I do. And I think you do also.

Why would you stay with a man that treats you so disrespectfully? It seems to me that you are pulling your fair share of the load in this relationship...if not more.

I think you know the answer to your questions but you need some outside verification. Well here it is...

Your fiance is more than likely cheating on you when he goes out with his *prince* of a father and because Mom seems willing to accept this unacceptable behaviour, your fiance is hoping you will too. Why would you want to live in such an emotionally abusive relationship? I know you feel like s**t when he blames his shortcomings on you....but these are HIS defects not yours...you so deserve better. Please get out of this relationship before you marry this man!

Good Luck to you...you can do it! E

[ValeeG]

I agree with green eyes... I think he starts up with you at the end of the week so that he can probably hit the bar scene with his punka*ss father.  He sounds extremely stressed out, anal, and wired about his business,,,, so when people feel like there in a pressure cooker they HAVE to release it sometime, somewhere, and you have allowed a pattern of behavior until now that allows him to release all that **** on you.  His mother sees this behavior, hears how he speaks of/to you, and feels that she likewise can treat you that way - she must be very unhappy with a crazed son and an a*s of a husband.  The father clearly is disrespectful of his wife and his marriage - so why would you think that he would treat you or your relationship any different?

Security in a relationship is something most people want - many times at their expense.  Maybe go away for a week to visit someone (or just stay somewhere else as you have two jobs, etc.) and see if things change (hopefully he wont have hooked up with a barskank) - or everytime he accuses you of something, dont let him show that it hurts, show that you can stick up for yourself.  When he tells you you drain him, say "youre right, so i am not paying xx amount of bills this month, i am buying xxx for myself instead"  when he calls you lazy, say "youre right, i am feeling lazy, make your own f*cking dinner!" or "clean your own house up then!"

take care of you for a change...and dont let the negativity cycle get to you, too