Are sexual tendencies normal at 5?

[Susanna]

My child was at a friend's house one day when her mother brought her home to tell me that her 5 year old daughter was caught putting her hands in my 5 year olds pants. My daughter  told

her no, and told the parents what happened. The mother proceeded to tell me that this was normal childhood behavior. I tried to accept that, but, kept close watch on her from then on.

The other day we were over there playing and the girls went inside the house for a few minutes. I thought abuot this but I was busy, so I told my daughter that we had to leave in a few minutes. She said ok and we left in a few minutes. A few days latter my daughter said "Anna put her fingers in my parts again. She told me she would not be my friend anymore if I told. It hurt.(later she said) If someone has their fingers in you and you have to go wee wee you would get them all wet. That would be gross." My daughter wrote herself a note saying DONT GO TO ANNAS so she wouldn't forget. I have cried about this for days. This can not possibly be healthy behavior. Their children are also very violent. My children are not allowed over there ever again. I just want to know if this is normal behavior.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Susanna,



No, such behavior is not within the normal spectrum. It often results from similar experiences in which the child herself has been the victim. You are correct in setting limits on this and your caution about having your daughter visit at the neighbor's is wise.

[JC]

Dear Susanna,

This same thing happened to my own daughter by her step cousin. The response from my sister-in-law was the same as what that mother said to you. I say BULL ----!  Like the doctor said, IT IS NOT NORMAL. You're right to never let your child near that house ever again. We have five children and my husband and I have no relationship left with my husbands sister and family for 6 years now. It's unbearable to think of your child being violated. I didn't find out for months after it happened to my daughter.She got up one night from bed and came out crying to me. She asked "if I tell you something mommy, will you get mad at me?" Of course not I told her. It turned out that her cousin had been putting his hands down her pants. He threatened to deny it and say she was a liar if she told. I felt such anger towards it all,and so sad for my little girl that she lived with this for all that time before telling it happened.  When the mother down played it all I was very mad! I tried to believe we could get passed it for family sake. But a few weeks later my little boy who was a year and a half younger than this cousin was at his house, the cousin wanted my son to play upstairs in his bedroom. all my son kept saying over and over was how he tried to get away after the cousin told him to pull his pants down. My son said  his cousin kept blocking the door so he could'nt get out. then he said his cousin pushed him to the floor, sat on his legs and pulled his pants down. My son was very upset and told that his cousin grabbed his privates very hard. My son explained how his Aunt was out in the yard working when this happened. The cousin threatened my son also. We confronted my sister-in-law with her son present, her son admitted to it. He tried to twist things around, but it didn't fly with me. No matter what, we have to protect our children at all costs, even if it means ending relationships. I'm sorry for your daughter. You are doing the right thing and I just wanted to share my story so you didn't feel alone, Hope you don't mind.  I'll say a little prayer that you and your daughter will be alright now and get on with many happy days ahead :)

                                                   Sincerley,

                                                     JC

[Susanna]

Thank you for your comments. I also called my daughters doctor to make sure this was not "normal". He said that this is in no way a normal behavior, it is learned. He also said that the girl probably needs counciling.His office asked if I wanted to report them to HRS, but I don't think that would accomplish anything. And if my daughter gets caught in the middle of it, it will make her not trust me. I have been very careful about that.She does know that this behavior is not allowed and she agrees that it shouldn't be. I would hate for her to regret telling me. I think that the mother will keep down playing it, so I am just going to let her know that this is not normal. And I will go from there.

[Anonymous]

what is the normal limits of behaviour in this category?

we have a four year old who has started playing doctor with two  little girls.(4-6)  Our son was not even interested in other peoples bodies before meeting these two.   I am not very comfortable with this yet I dont want to over-react and scar him later in life.  I have tried to talk to him about it but he seems very curious,  I saw him try to do it again. are there any good books out there on this topic? or is this not normal?

[Nick]

Hi Everyone-

I have a twelve year old son, who likes to masturbate.He has some sort of obsession with his penis. At times,I catch him trying to do outrageous acts with himself like trying to submerge his penis in his mouth, and sexual acts like that. He also looks at things like penis-enlargement websites, penis photo websites etc...

I have taken away his internet privilages, but now he fantasises that he wants to become things he is not, like some kind of Anthropomorphic sex-animal. He is not gay, because he is going out with other girls, and shows no sexual intrest whatsoever to boys, but this is bothering me. What should I do about this? Is this a normal thing?

Thank you

Nick