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4 year old girl soils and wets pants and doesn't seem to care
My daughter was completely toilet trained when she was 2 1/2 (day and night). Over the last 2 years she has regressed to pooping and peeing in her pants constantly to being dry and clean again 3 times. Currently she is only dry and clean at night (she NEVER EVER has accidents at night, when she regresses it is only daytime mess (between 7AM-7PM). She has at least 1 or 2 accidents a day. In school, at home, at playdates, she "goes" wherever she very well pleases. We have tried everything (rewards, ignoring, letting her clean up herself, being angry, you name it we tried it). She doesn't hide it. Not at all. She has lots of excuses (don't know where the bathroom is, while standing next to it, to don't know how to use the bathroom after being dry for weeks on end). We are now in week 6 of the last regression. School is very willing to work with us, but we are all at our wits end. I feel she could do with some sort of therapy, just to find the "Why" but we are expats here in Dhaka, and nobody seems available.
She has 2 older brothers (6 and 7) and a younger sister (10 mo) but the regression is not related to her sisters birth (in fact she was just fine when her sister was born). Some jealousy might be involved, but what rattles me most (and now got me in the situation of not coping with it all very well anymore) is the fact that she just laughs at all of us (me, dad, siblings, classmates who say she smells bad (can't be helped, she does smell bad), teachers... Other than this she behaves like a model 4 1/2 year old. She is smart and funny and loving and loved very much. Help!!
She has 2 older brothers (6 and 7) and a younger sister (10 mo) but the regression is not related to her sisters birth (in fact she was just fine when her sister was born). Some jealousy might be involved, but what rattles me most (and now got me in the situation of not coping with it all very well anymore) is the fact that she just laughs at all of us (me, dad, siblings, classmates who say she smells bad (can't be helped, she does smell bad), teachers... Other than this she behaves like a model 4 1/2 year old. She is smart and funny and loving and loved very much. Help!!
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I feel for you. Years ago, my son did this exact thing, with feces and urine soiling. Like your child, he seemed not to care a bit! Even the scorn of his classmates was not enough. We too tried everything in the books. We even went through years of counseling, treatment for ADHD, medical evaluations, etc. Eventually, he seemed to outgrow it when he began middle school. He soiled from age 4 or 5, til age 10.
Unfortunately, he became more and more disruptive as the years went on, and at age 15 he found the drug scene. What happened next was 3 years of sheer hell on earth, culminating in our getting a court order to keep him out of our house (to which he did a total of $11k worth of damage).
there is a happy ending of sorts, though. Today at age 23 he is able to keep down a simple job, is married and most unbelievably, a good father and husband. No evidence of the violent temper and delusions of his youth. What is most sad is that this was an extremely bright child who could read at an advanced level by age 4, and who had the potential to do anything he wanted.
I am not writing this to try to frighten you. I think you daughter does need some sort of counseling, even though it did not help my son. Who knows how much worse he might have been without it? The urine and fecal soiling (and seeming not to care or notice it) could be a symptom of a deep problem. Just love her, provide her with a change of clothes for the school to encourage her to change when needed at school, and be vigilant for furthur problems.
Good luck!
Unfortunately, he became more and more disruptive as the years went on, and at age 15 he found the drug scene. What happened next was 3 years of sheer hell on earth, culminating in our getting a court order to keep him out of our house (to which he did a total of $11k worth of damage).
there is a happy ending of sorts, though. Today at age 23 he is able to keep down a simple job, is married and most unbelievably, a good father and husband. No evidence of the violent temper and delusions of his youth. What is most sad is that this was an extremely bright child who could read at an advanced level by age 4, and who had the potential to do anything he wanted.
I am not writing this to try to frighten you. I think you daughter does need some sort of counseling, even though it did not help my son. Who knows how much worse he might have been without it? The urine and fecal soiling (and seeming not to care or notice it) could be a symptom of a deep problem. Just love her, provide her with a change of clothes for the school to encourage her to change when needed at school, and be vigilant for furthur problems.
Good luck!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Disorders along the Disruptive Behavior Disorder spectrum sometimes require medication, but not always. Conditions in this category include Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder, in addition to Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Whereas ADHD often involves medication, the other conditions do not as often require it (but it can be useful at times). Medications to treat O.D.D. and C.D. are not the same medications that are used to treat ADHD. Any Disruptive Behavior Disorder condition requires some form of systematic behavior management, developed in a collabortive effort between parents and therapist.
Thank you very much. We have decided to go "the medical route" as we feel the problem is starting to define her. First I want to make sure it is not encopresis.
Suppose it is a "disruptive sydrom", would she get mediciation, or would she need therapy?
I scares me.
Suppose it is a "disruptive sydrom", would she get mediciation, or would she need therapy?
I scares me.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
What I mean is that the symptoms you describe are well outside the norm for a child her age, and that they likely reflect a disorder along the Disruptive Behavior Disorder or Pervasive Developmental Disorder spectrums (as opposed to a 'normal' childhood behavior problem).
Thanks, but unfortunatley this is not an option.
What do you mean by the psychological maladjustments? Because to me it makes it sound like a much bigger issue than it should be..
Anyhoo, we will see one more weekend and then we feel we should give up on this (not on her). Back to diapers it will be...
What do you mean by the psychological maladjustments? Because to me it makes it sound like a much bigger issue than it should be..
Anyhoo, we will see one more weekend and then we feel we should give up on this (not on her). Back to diapers it will be...
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
The absence of professional help is a problem, no doubt. A situation like this, which does not appear to be rooted in medical concerns (e.g., constipation, impacted bowels), is reflective of pretty serious psychological maladjustment. Depending on your resources, travelling to obtain a psychiatric consult/evaluation would be sensible.
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