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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
4 year old lashing out at other children
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
4 year old lashing out at other children
by Worried Mummy, Dec 14, 2005 12:00AM
The problem I have with my son is his temper, he will be 4 in January, but he still has temper tantrums equivalent to a 2 year old toddler.
He was very physically advanced as a baby and was walking at 9 months, but his speech was quite slow with him unable to manage to string together a simple sentence until he was almost 2 and a half.
He loves the feel of ribbons and has one attached to his dummy as a comforter. He sleeps well and we very rarely have a problem putting him to bed.
He is very loving and enjoys cuddles, and on a one to one basis he is very calm and well behaved.
His problems arise when he is at nursery or if there are any large gatherings or lots of children.
His excitement levels go through the roof and he will not listen, nor will he do as he is told and he will bounce around non stop.
He also lashes out at the other children and has on many occasions hurt them badly enough to make them cry and cause bruising. He hits, and kicks and pushes the other children for no reason.
If a teacher asks him to do something which he does not want to do he will throw himself to the floor and scream, hitting and kicking at the floor - this behaviour has hurt a few of the little children that were unfortunate enough to be near him at the time.
His teacher tells me that on most occasions there is no reasoning behind him lashing out and it is as if it is a general reaction to the other child being within striking distance, but sometimes it is down to a general squabble over a toy.
He loves going to school, but the other children are now very wary of him and I have been told that a few are so frightened that they refuse to sit near my son.
This upsets me greatly, as I know what a gentle and loving boy he can be, I am terrified that they will exclude him from school because they have to think about the safety of the other children. My son will be devastated if he can no longer go to school.
It is as if my son has no control over himself. I have tried to reason with him, I've tried to explain why he shouldn't behave this way, I have tried positive praise when he is playing nicely, but I have seen it myself - one minute he is happily playing and the next he will just wallop the nearest person to him.
I am 5 months pregnant with my second child, but this behavior has been going on since last September so I know it isn't due to the baby coming.
I am lost as to what to do, this doesn't seem like normal behaviour for his age as none of the other mums I have spoken with at the nursery seem to have these problems.
What should I do?
He was very physically advanced as a baby and was walking at 9 months, but his speech was quite slow with him unable to manage to string together a simple sentence until he was almost 2 and a half.
He loves the feel of ribbons and has one attached to his dummy as a comforter. He sleeps well and we very rarely have a problem putting him to bed.
He is very loving and enjoys cuddles, and on a one to one basis he is very calm and well behaved.
His problems arise when he is at nursery or if there are any large gatherings or lots of children.
His excitement levels go through the roof and he will not listen, nor will he do as he is told and he will bounce around non stop.
He also lashes out at the other children and has on many occasions hurt them badly enough to make them cry and cause bruising. He hits, and kicks and pushes the other children for no reason.
If a teacher asks him to do something which he does not want to do he will throw himself to the floor and scream, hitting and kicking at the floor - this behaviour has hurt a few of the little children that were unfortunate enough to be near him at the time.
His teacher tells me that on most occasions there is no reasoning behind him lashing out and it is as if it is a general reaction to the other child being within striking distance, but sometimes it is down to a general squabble over a toy.
He loves going to school, but the other children are now very wary of him and I have been told that a few are so frightened that they refuse to sit near my son.
This upsets me greatly, as I know what a gentle and loving boy he can be, I am terrified that they will exclude him from school because they have to think about the safety of the other children. My son will be devastated if he can no longer go to school.
It is as if my son has no control over himself. I have tried to reason with him, I've tried to explain why he shouldn't behave this way, I have tried positive praise when he is playing nicely, but I have seen it myself - one minute he is happily playing and the next he will just wallop the nearest person to him.
I am 5 months pregnant with my second child, but this behavior has been going on since last September so I know it isn't due to the baby coming.
I am lost as to what to do, this doesn't seem like normal behaviour for his age as none of the other mums I have spoken with at the nursery seem to have these problems.
What should I do?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 14, 2005 12:00AM
, Dec 14, 2005 12:00AM
Some pre-schoolers become quite disorganized and feel vulnerable when they are in the presence of a large group of children. They do better with one other child or in very small groups. If he can be grouped right now with only a few children, that would be better for him. But, it's a less-than-perfect world, and if he has to be in a large group situation, the more he can be shielded from a lot of stimulation the better. This can be accomplished by how he is grouped within the program and by care in selection of his activities. This type of vulnerability generally wanes over time as children develop and become more socially capable.
Member Comments (3)
by Seeking Peace, Jan 04, 2006 12:00AM
Boy, your post sounds like I wrote it. I'm having very similar experiences with my 3.5 year old son. We have run out of options for daycare as of today. He hits for no reason, screams, is unwilling to participate in group activities, and has become a threat to other kids at daycare. As you stated, he is a loving, affectionate, smart, liitle boy. He understands things when you talk about the right and wrong of his behavior, but seems to not be able to control his actions. just yesterday he said he saw bees on a friend so hit him, saying, "I got the bees". What do I do? Help. Where do I turn next?
by loopy lu, Jan 18, 2006 12:00AM
THANK GOD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. This morning on the way back from dropping my (nearly) 4 year old off at nursery, one of the other mothers came up to me and said words to the effect that my son had been hitting her son on the head, and that now her son was very frightened of going into nursery etc etc. i must say, i was shocked, as my little boy is generally well behaved. however, i have noticed some attraction to violent toys, i.e guns, swords etc lately, but have never let him play with anyhing like that- i dont agree with it. as yet, i havent spoken to my son about it , as he is still at nursery. i dont quite know how to handle this, as he hasnt mentioned ANYTHING about it, and im not 100% sure if i believe it myself, although im aware of the fact that that sounds like im in denial- im really not, its just that its so contrary to what i would expect of josh. also, one of the children in his nursery class is having a party, and Joshua wasnt invited. im wondering now if this may be why??? is my son turning into a bully? hes is completely different @ home, very loving, and ALWAYS wanting kisses and cuddles etc. please help...
by fthkp1, Mar 16, 2008 08:00PM
A related discussion, ODD in a 3 year old? was started.
