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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Communication with 13yr old step-daughter
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Communication with 13yr old step-daughter
by ledling, Jul 31, 2007 12:00AM
I have a 13 year old step-daughter who has ruined her relationship with me.She wanted to come live with us so her and my step-son came.But while with her mom for vistation she decided she did not want to choice between them so now the kids are split 50-50. I am ok with that. I am upset because she did not go to her dad or even tell him what she wanted until our attorny told us. I know it sounds pety but she lied all summer long about what was going on until her dad confronted her. Her and her mom didn't tell her brother either and he thought he was comming home. Since they have come back she has started calling me mom while during the summer it was my first name. Believe me I know she does it because of her mom but I have 2 children from before and they call each set of parents mom and dad and it was always their choice. She can't keep playing with the adults feeling this is not the 1st time. Right now I can hardly talk to her because of how hurt I am. I don't want to say the wrong things to her I know that being 13 is hard added on divorced parents that have remarried it has got to be tuff. I just feel that I cannot trust her at all anymore. How can I let her know what she has done wrong without causing more problems between us.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 31, 2007 12:00AM
, Jul 31, 2007 12:00AM
It is very difficult for children of divorce to be in a position that requires them to choose between parents. It is not surprising at all that she handled the situation the way she did, and I think you are personalizing this in a way you should not. On the one hand, you seem to understand how hard the situation can be for children in this dilemma; on the other hand, you are not applying that sensitivity to your stepdaughter. Try to step back, look at the situation from her perspective, and consider that perhaps she did not do anything 'wrong' at all. You are maybe being too tough on her. You are allowing your feelings to be hurt by this, but that is a choice you are making. The situation does not require that choice.
